


Anything but Grey

by SpokenShepherd



Series: Holly Frost Farm [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Choo-choo mfs, E for smut and cursing, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Feels, Friends to Lovers, Funny, Getting Better Together, I meant it, I promise, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nyctophobia, PG-13+ Chapters are Marked, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Smut in Chapter 38, We don't heal overnight people, When I said slowburn, and chapter 40, and chapter 41, and chapter 42, but it's happy, fear of the dark, late to the Shane Train, mostly Shane/Player
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2020-11-08 16:25:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 71,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20838518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpokenShepherd/pseuds/SpokenShepherd
Summary: Kailim Frost doesn't need help.Through a rash decision, Kailim finds herself enveloped in a community that only wants to help. Running to Hollyfrost Farm was her last resort; a place where she could hide from Joja Corp and all its gray morals.After hiring one of the locals as a farmhand, Kailim is forced to face the consequences of her previous life. Is isolation the answer to all her nightmares, or does the real solution lie somewhere in the darkness she tries so hard to reject? Maybe Pelican Town needs Kailim, and maybe - just maybe - she needs them.





	1. Humble

Humble

An office cubicle was a niche kind of intimidating. Gray walls caused suffocation, submission, and the stifling of imagination. Pictures of family and palm trees could only liven a scene so much until they too turned into an obscure shade that was glanced over, much like the worker that often stared longingly at them.

An overgrown plot of land intimidated Kailim in a different way. The tangled brambles made her excited with the prospect of work--so much hard work like she hadn’t done in years. Repairs on the house were challenging, manual and intellectual. She hadn’t planted a crop since her childhood, and barely remembered the difference between soil and dirt. Tasks among tasks and they were all hers.

Finally.

* * *

Pelican Town was located in the heart of Stardew Valley, at the mouth of where the valley flowed into the coast. Four hours from the City - she soon learned that no one in town used the City’s actual name, more as a quirk than anything else - and on its own stretch of fertile land, green as far as the eye could see.

The town had one bus stop. The gray bus dropped her off unceremoniously, her few bags getting tossed out behind her. The crotchety old driver had been with her since the City, and seemed irritated he had to come this far out. “The hell you coming out here for?” he had asked her. Kailim didn’t give him an answer.

Robin, the local carpenter, led her down the path to her grandfather’s farm, HollyFrost, just off the bus stop. Her heart broke upon seeing the weeds and logs, overgrown and choking the life out of the land. Her last memories had been of the farm as it was in her youth, with vast expanses of crops and vines that grew at an expedited pace in the valley’s rich soil. Now, the farmhouse was barely even standing. Robin had promised to patch up the roof gratis, to honor Grandfather's last wishes.

So, the roof didn’t leak, Kailim had a bed, and a gift from Lewis, the Mayor of Pelican Town: 20 turnip packets, with enough seeds to sow and reap a substantial crop.

It was a start.


	2. Visitors

Visitors

By some miracle, the turnips were almost ready to harvest.

Kailim sat up to rest, wiping a thin sheen of sweat from her brow. The gentle spring sun bore down on her crops, encouraging life from the dark soil, and she gave herself a moment to take it all in. Breathing deeply, she smiled.

Holly Frost Farm was a far cry from the City's gray walls and withering 'urban gardens’. Birds - actual birds, not ambiguous black grackles that had inbred so long ago they were unidentifiable - flew overhead; a pair of blue jays lit on the nearby oak. Back towards the house, the steady bang of Robin's hammer rang as she laid the last few shingles across the front porch. She'd be getting thirsty soon, surely.

Kailim sighed, abandoning the weeds for now. She hoisted her basket onto the crook of her hip, laden as it was with turnips, strawberries, kale and a bouquet of blue jazz that she was going to arrange later for her table.

“Strawberry lemonade?” Kailim called out as she neared the house.

She couldn't see Robin but heard her breathless voice. “Yes, please!”

By the time the pitcher was made up and Kailim brought two sweating glasses to the front porch, Robin was wiping her hands on her ragged work pants and closing up shop. “This is a sturdy house your grandpa built, Kailim. I'm surprised it's taking the additions so well.”

Kailim handed her a glass and leaned against the railing. “Thanks to your know-how, it is. The kitchen is a gods-send.”

“Do you have any other projects planned for spring?” Kailim grinned. “Planning on monopolizing my income, Robin?”

The carpenter chuckled. “No, but you always seem to be looking ahead. It's a good habit for me to get into.”

Kailim pointed to a copse of trees to the west, over a stream. “I'd like to get a coop built there before summer rolls in. Chickens might be a fun adventure.”

Robin hummed in thought, examining the area Kailim suggested. Finally, she nodded. “It'd do. I'll draw up the plans.”

“I can pay you to start next month. Got some expenses-”

Robin dismissed the explanation with a wave of her hand. “You're good for it, I know.”

They sipped their drinks in companionable silence. Kailim bit back her pride, appreciative of Robin's trust. And Robin was right; in her short time here, Kailim had never missed a payment or trade-in owed to any of the businesses in town. The new flower beds had taken more money than expected to set up, though, and Kailim was crunching the numbers in her head when a car could be heard coming down the road and they both looked to see who it could be.

“I guess Demetrius is still out in the field,” Robin said, handing Kailim her empty glass. “I'd better get my things together.”

From her brief introductions to the townspeople, Kailim recognized the old black pickup as belonging to Sebastian, Robin's son. The dark color matched the rest of his aesthetic, and Kailim wasn't shocked when he pulled up to the drive and didn't hop out. Kailim frowned. She set the glasses on the railing and met Robin around the side of the house, taking a bag of tools from her.

Robin began to protest, but Kailim offered a wry smile, saying a bit too loudly, “Fewer trips to the truck, seeing as it's just the two of us.”

Robin rolled her eyes, and Kailim didn't look for Sebastian's reaction as they loaded up the truck bed. When all the bags were safe and sound, Robin popped open the passenger door, shaking Kailim's hand. “Pleasure as always, Kailim.”

“Likewise, Robin. Be seeing you soon for that coop.” Kailim waved them off as they retreated down the drive.

Robin was as close as she got to visitors since moving in, and honestly, Kailim preferred it that way. Pelican town existed in another place almost, only materializing when Kailim ventured too close. It was there that the townsfolk could stay, far away from her farm. And Kailim would exist here, no people, no social responsibilities, no business to stick her nose into.

The only downside was how lonely it was when things got dark.

Kailim shook her head. This wasn't the City, and she still had hours before sunset. She'd be fine. For now, planting more Blue Jazz was her biggest concern, her only concern. So, Kailim stuffed the tension humming through her chest into her shoulders and turned back to the farm.


	3. The Flower Dance

The Flower Dance

“I’m going to be incredibly honest,” Kailim said as she sat next to Marnie, “this is a little weird.”

“It’s tradition, Miss Kailim!” Marnie laughed, offering her another helping of strawberry cobbler. “Besides, if you’re going to live here, you’re going to participate.”

Kailim puffed out her chest and frowned, “Hey, now I didn’t ask you to drag me down here-”

But Marnie was already moving on, weaving through the crowd to find a seat at a picnic table, next to her nephew, Shane. “We’ll find you a partner and have you dressed up and dancing in no time!”

As they sat down, Shane snorted. “I’d like to see the farmer in a dress. You’d have better luck putting high heels on a chicken.”

Well, that was rude. True, she felt out of place in the bustling festival; she hadn’t even planned on coming until Marnie showed up at her front door with an ultimatum: participate, or there’ll be no chickens for that new coop. So Kailim had put on clean jeans and joined the rest of Pelican Town at the clearing of Cindersap Forest for the Flower Dance.

And it was weird.

Demetrius had said something about the dance being rooted in ancient mating rituals. If it was so ancient, then why did they still pair up the young men and women and make them perform some ritualistic dance? And why in Yoba’s good name did the older folk smirk at the pairings, as if they could tell the future?

It made Kailim’s skin crawl, and she fortified her earlier observation: weird. This was all too much. Too many noises, too many people, too many new things. She shouldn't have come.

“She gets off easy this year,” Marnie scolded Shane as she reached into the large sack that she always carried and threw a clean blue suit at him. “You do not.”

It was Kailim’s turn to snort. When Marnie wasn’t looking, Shane flipped Kailim the bird before throwing back the last of his beer and stalking off to change. She didn’t particularly like the man. He was curt, downright rude sometimes, and he always looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. Unpleasant was a good word for him.

However, there were rare moments where Kailim caught Shane looking almost...sad. Lost. Even shameful, when he thought no one was looking. These were always brief moments, like when she ran into him as he was leaving Marnie’s ranch and hadn’t seen her yet. The moment he did, though, he snapped back to his regular frown and trudged off.

Kailim felt a familiar pull of curiosity towards the man; she violently shoved it away. Her empathy-senses were tingling, but she had left that talent back in the City, promised herself there was no more counseling to do. Here, it was about her and the farm.

“Miss Kailim!” Jas, Marnie’s niece, tugged on Kailim’s arm, shaking her train of thought. “Miss Evelyn gave me some extra flowers from the bouquets, look!” Jas unceremoniously dumped an armful of daffodils, dandelions, and tulips over the picnic table in front of Kailim. The little girl grinned proudly at her findings.

“They’re beautiful, honey, but I don’t think Kailim wants them all over her lunch,” Marnie cooed, reaching for the flowers.

Kailim got to them first, turning a gentle gaze to Jas. “Remember what you were saying about the Flower Queen, and you wanted to be one? How’s about a crown then, for the Flower Queen?”

Jas gaped at Kailim, eyes glittering and wide as she nodded. With a smile, Kailim got to work, weaving first the dandelions into a circle, then adorning the frame with the daffodils and tulips. With a grand flourish, Kailim bestowed the crown onto Jas’ head. The little girl squealed and hugged Kailim's knees, then bolted off to show Vincent her crown.

Kailim watched her go, feeling a warmth in her heart that she had missed. Someone cleared their throat behind her, and she looked up at Shane.

“Thanks,” he said, then clarified, “for that,” gesturing over to where Jas now paraded around, holding an oak twig like a scepter.

And there it was again: a moment of gentleness from Shane as he watched Jas. Kailim merely nodded, forcing herself to look away and shake her curiosity. Old habits die hard.


	4. Old Habits

Old Habits

Old habits die very, very hard.

If Kailim thought workplace gossip in the City was bad, she hadn’t experienced a lazy Sunday in Pelican Town. No matter how hard she tried to keep her head down, keep to her routine and smile politely at the folks she bumped into at Pierre’s store, Kailim still somehow knew _ all _ the gossip.

‘Somehow’ meaning Robin and Marnie. Robin was not much of a gossip, but she knew everything that went on her side of the mountain, which accounted for about half of Pelican Town’s residents. Marnie took care of the other half, but where she got her information was a mystery; she always phrased it as “a little chicken told me...”, and that was the end of that.

“And Abigail, you know, Caroline and Pierre’s daughter, I heard she’s with Jodi’s boy, Sam. Sebby and those two are thick as thieves, you know--” Robin continued on above her, but Kailim stuck her head into the box she was building and missed the rest. These bee boxes were getting to be a real pain in her ass. If the slots would just align with the combs, she wouldn't have to--

“Shit!” she hissed when the roof finally locked into place, pinching her thumb in the process. She sucked on the wound but emerged victorious. “I win.”

Robin sighed from her place atop the chicken coop roof, then continued banging the shingles in. “You didn't hear a word I said.”

“Honestly? No,” Kailim confessed. “It's nothing personal, Robin. Gossip just isn't my chosen past time. I got enough of it back in the City.” Kailim's shoulders bristled with mention of the City, but she forced them back into place.

“What did you do up there, anyway?” Robin asked.

Instinctively, Kailim pinched the bridge of her nose and blew out a long breath. She could answer that question without panicking, surely. It wasn't as if talking about the job would bring the shadows with it. “I was a career counselor for Joja Corp.”

There was a pause in the steady thump of Robin's hammer before it began again. “What does that do?”

Kailim shook her head, then turned to the second bee box; it still needed a roof. “Nothing important, just like the rest of the Joja slaves.”

But Robin wasn't done. “And what brought you here?”

“The need,” Kailim smacked the roof of the bee box and it clicked into place “to build houses for bees that are nicer than my own.” Again, Robin sighed, but she refrained from asking another question and Kailim appreciated it. She could only employ so much deflective sarcasm.

When the bee houses all had roofs, Kailim carried them to the west of her house where the spring flower beds were in full bloom. Bees buzzed around the flowers, and the hope was that they would take a liking to the boxes on their own. Flavored honey and artisan flowers would be a profitable specialization for the farm if she could just get it all started. Between that and the coop, the hadn't been much time for anything else. The commitment was a risk, but Kailim's heart was too invested into the idea of a flower farm - not to mention her wallet. This had to work.

When she returned, Robin was packing up for the day. “There's at least another two days work on the inside. The laying boxes and feeders all have to be installed, not to mention the front door.”

“Be seeing you tomorrow then?”

“Yep!”

“Let's throw your tools in the house so you don't have to lug them all the way back.”

Robin hesitated for a moment, looking towards the main road. The corners of her mouth turned down. “I suppose... Since I don't see one of the boys.”

As they loaded themselves down with bags and marched towards the house, Kailim ventured a question of her own: “Do you need a ride?”

“No!” Robin shook her head. “No, no, it’ll be fine. I can walk.”

Kailim was undeterred. “I’ll fire up Old Red.” Old Red was her pickup truck that rarely got used; most everything in Pelican Town was within walking distance, save for the mines and the train station.

“Demetrius just got caught up in his work, I’m sure,” Robin told Kailim once they were flying down the back road into the mountains. The forest climbed quickly, and Kailim down shifted rather than respond to Robin. Her mouth was twitching with a question, one that was so obvious but would risk her knowing too much. Robin’s marital issues weren’t her business.

But Kailim’s heart ached to help, to offer an ear to Robin if she needed one; if she didn’t do it now, there might not be another opportunity.

“Ever need a ride home, don’t hesitate to ask Robin,” Kailim offered as a middle ground between her curiosity and her asocial nature.

“Oh, I'm sure that won't be necessary, but I appreciate it, Kailim,” Robin said. She still stared out the window though, looking lost in thought rather than comforted. The sun had dipped below the mountain by the time they pulled up to her home, casting long shadows across the eastern lake. “Thanks again, Kailim. I’ve got something inside for your trouble, let me go get it.”

Before she could protest - it would be dark soon - Robin had scurried inside, forcing Kailim to kill Old Red and wait patiently, leaning against the hood. She kept glancing at her watch; it would be dark soon.

The front door opened and rather than Robin, Sebastian walked out, a lit cigarette already between his fingers. When he saw Kailim, he hesitated.

“Waiting on your mom,” Kailim explained, then against her better judgment she added: “Been a long day for her.”

Having apparently decided that Kailim was no threat to his habit, Sebastian propped himself against the house and took a long drag. “I didn’t know she was out. I’ve been working.”

Well, that explained his absence in retrieving his mom this time. “What do you do?” she asked.

“Programming. I’ve been locked up all week trying to get a project done for a client.” He took another drag and Kailim just nodded, hoping Robin would hurry up. “You came from the City, right?”

Kailim sighed; why the fuck was she suddenly the authority on Zuzu City? “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

He gave her a look that said he knew she wasn’t stupid. “You’re in the middle of nowhere if you hadn’t noticed.”

“Coulda fooled me; y'all got the same nosy nature as every person in Zuzu.”

She risked a glance at Sebastian, who shrugged and snuffed out the remainder of his smoke. “Fair enough.”

He turned to go back inside, but Kailim’s old habit was poking at her, insisting that she fix the rift she created before the opportunity was lost. “Hey,” she said, and he turned to look at her, “I’m sorry. Just...this isn’t the City, you know? I like it that way.”

There was a moment of silence in which Kailim could have sworn the understanding flicker of a smile propped up one side of his mouth before he nodded and said, “Yoba forbid I bring it here for you.”

Robin passed Sebastian in the front door and she came out offering Kailim a crumpled piece of paper. “I’ve been meaning to give this to you since we built your kitchen. It’s an old family recipe for Pumpkin soup--and a housewarming present.”

Kailim glanced over the recipe before folding and pocketing it. “Thank you, Robin. We’ll have dinner when I make it.”

By the time Kailim pulled onto Holly Frost Farm, it was unfortunately dark. Kailim parked Old Red up against the front porch and braced herself. She could do this.

Kailim threw open the passenger door and scrambled out onto the porch, sprinting up the two remaining steps. Her hands fumbled at the door, pulling before successfully pushing it open. The door slammed behind her, and Kailim leaned heavily against it as she turned the lock, chest heaving, goosebumps peppering her skin.

She listened. No shadows beat against the wood to get in, or jiggled the handle to test for weaknesses. Monsters didn’t exist; Kailim _ knew _ this, but her skin still crawled towards dusk. No amount of logic, reason, or ignorance could stop the lingering anxiety that nighttime cast over her mind.

Kailim could pretend she didn’t know why; as a child, she wasn’t afraid of the dark, so why should she develop the fear now? Deep down, though, Kailim had a suspicion - she was too well studied not to.

What existed in the darkness was _ worse _ than any monster, and it had followed Kailim to Stardew Valley.


	5. Yardstick

Yardstick

A knock on Kailim's door pulled her away from breakfast. She stared at her toast, seriously considering ignoring the visitor. There was too much to do today to entertain a forced conversation.

“Miss Kailim?” Marnie called through the door.

“I don't think she's home."

“Oh, she's home alright. She hasn't been in town in days,” Marnie insisted, knocking again. “Kailim!”

Oh, Marnie; she wasn't going to go away. Reluctantly, Kailim brought her cup of tea to the door and opened it, squinting out into the early morning sun. “What?”

Shane and Marnie blinked back at her. Behind them, the hills of Holly Frost Farm flickered with the beginnings of summer crops and flowers. Bees buzzed, crickets sang, and the sun beat down to drive away the cool morning, heralding the beginning of a hot summer.

And in Shane's arms squirmed a tiny, indignant puppy. ‘Puppy’ was a generous term--the dog was probably full grown. It had golden eyes and shaggy, brown hair that desperately needed washing. When it saw Kailim, a long tongue lolled out of its mouth.

“I’m not gonna like the answer to this question...” Kailim pinched the bridge of her nose. “Marnie, why is there a dog on my property?”

“Well, I was hoping you could tell us, Miss Kailim. It was running around the ranch and then bolted back here when we tried to catch it. You hadn’t been in town for a while, so thought maybe it was ‘cause you were taking care of this little one.”

“Nope. If you haven’t noticed, it’s summer, and that means I’ve been busy.”

“Well...”

“_ No _ , Marnie,” Kailim said, frowning at her friend. Marnie’s tone was the same one she used when she convinced Kailim to take the chicken with the bum wing because ‘it just needed a good home, she still has strong eggs’, and when a stray cat took up residence under her porch and ‘was only hungry, the little thing will be a good mouser”. Both animals were fine now, mostly because the chicken gave her eggs and the cat kept rodents out of her crops. A dog though--a dog _ needed _ things. It would _ need _ attention; _ need _ reliability; _ need _ a person who could let it out to pee at night.

Marnie was undeterred. “Now that it’s summer, he can keep the snakes away. Protect the farm from intruders.”

Kailim groaned. “He’s the size of a stump, how fierce can he be?”

“Just until we can find him a home, Kailim, or where he came from! Please?” Marnie begged.

Well, the dog was kind of cute...and it needed help. This was a bad idea. Kailim was going to regret this. “Fine.”

Marnie squealed, and Shane set the dog down; only then did she realize that it lacked a fourth leg. That didn’t seem to bother it though, as it waddled over just fine to sit on her bare foot. “Oh good! You show him around the place, I’ll run into town and get him some things!”

“Marnie, no--” Kailim began, but she was already gone, hurrying down the driveway in an excited bustle and leaving the dog, Kailim, and Shane all standing on the front porch. Kailim rubbed her face. “What just happened?” she asked no one in particular.

Surprisingly, Shane answered, “Aunt Marnie.”

The dog whimpered, and so Kailim picked him up. A cloud of dirt and fur billowed up around him. “Well, we need two things, then - a bath, and a name.”

She marched down her porch to the garden hose, not caring if Shane followed her. After a moment, she heard his footsteps. The dog wiggled in her grasp, reaching up with a sloppy tongue to try and lick her cheek. Despite herself, Kailim giggled and set it down.

“I doubt he’ll like this,” Kailim said. “Will you hold him?”

“And get wet?” Shane wrinkled his nose. “No thanks.”

Kailim shrugged. “Alright, be a lump then.”

When the water turned on, the dog instantly became more interested in playing than bathing. It bounced around the stream of water, lapping at puddles and darting away before Kailim could effectively douse him. With a grunt, Shane took pity on her and captured the dog as it sprinted past. They both knelt down, taking turns with the hose to scrub and wash away most of the dirt.

“So, thought of a name?” he asked as they scrubbed.

She shook her head. “Ideas?”

“Could always call him Yardstick.”

Kailim snorted, covered her mouth, then laughed, losing her grip on the dog. Seizing the opportunity, Yardstick wrestled the hose away from Shane and took control of the stream of water, darting between their legs. Kailim honestly considered employing the dog as her new sprinkler system; they were both almost instantly soaked. Her chest heaved from laughing so hard, catching a stream of water in the face. In a gaggle of limbs and fur, the dog tripped over its own weapon and tumbled to a muddy stop at Shane’s feet, who snatcged him up and finagled the hose out of its mouth.

Kailim wiped the water and tears from her eyes. They were all in a muddy, sorry state; Shane’s shorts would probably never recover. Kailim opened her mouth to apologize, but stopped short when she looked up.

He was having another one of his moments. A small smile donned his features as he swiped at his wet hair. It was almost impossible to believe that the same man was usually so surly and dark. No sadness, no bitterness, just pure joy, and Kailim couldn’t help but grin alongside him.

“I think it’s gonna be Yardstick,” Kailim declared, reaching over to turn off the hose. Shane gave a hand to pull her up. “That is very clever, Shane.”

“Thanks,” he said. The smile was already fading from his face, but Kailim would never forget that it _ had _ been there. “Here, I’ll hold him. Finish up.”

Yardstick pouted as they dried him off with rags from the house. There was still no sign of Marnie on the road, so Kailim gathered up her egg basket and watering can.

“Make yourself at home, if you want,” Kailim said to Shane as she jogged down the porch steps. Yardstick weaved between her legs, his little tail brushing against her. Shane grunted noncommittally, returning to a state that was surely much more comfortable for both of them: salty and brooding. “I’ve gotta let the chickens out for the day.”

As Kailim rolled up the coop door and let her four hens out into the summer daylight, Yardstick took up a position around the perimeter, growling at the chickens whenever they strayed too close to the fence. He had to belong to someone; he was too much a herding dog not to.

The hens had left Kailim with a lot of eggs this morning. She quickly ran out of room in her tiny basket, and silently struggled to balance the last three on top. One rolled and she barely caught it before it became a cooked egg on the summer dirt. Kailim held her position for a second, bent over and frustrated with herself, her tiny basket, and the millions of other things that had already derailed her morning. Then, she became aware of a body next to her.

Shane stood offering the bottom of his shirt as a makeshift basket; frowning, but...helping. When Kailim took too long with her staring, he grunted and arranged the eggs himself.

“Don’t crack your livelihood,” he scolded. “I don’t think the hens would like that very much.”

Kailim didn’t respond. She stayed silent as they placed the eggs in her fridge for later, and then as they stood on the porch waiting for any sign of Marnie. His gesture had thrown Kailim for a loop, and she was still coming back around. A second pair of hands had been nice; had she been alone, there would probably be a shattered egg sizzling under the summer sun somewhere. Since summer began, there were more and more moments where Kailim found herself in need of help, but Yoba be damned if she would ask for it. Pelican Town needed to stay the hell off her farm, residents and all. Robin and Marnie as business owners were enough and having Shane demonstrate her _ need _ for help only strengthened her independent resolve.

The man seemed to be content with the silence as well. Neither said anything until Marnie’s ranch truck could be seen kicking up a cloud of dust down the driveway.

“What do you think she got?” Kailim asked.

Shane shrugged. They both met the pickup and began to unload before Marnie had even shut it off. Dog food, a bed, collar, leash, food bowl--even a blanket “in case he gets cold.”

Marnie, however, was not impressed with the name. “Yardstick. That’s...”

“It’s a good name,” Kailim said, then smiled at Shane. “Shane picked a good name.”

Shane, for the second time that day, very nearly smiled. But then he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his Joja hoodie and climbed into the passenger seat, slouching down. Back to bitter old Shane, just like that.

“I’ll bring Jas by sometime,” Marnie said as she buckled herself in behind the steering wheel. “She would love to meet Yardstick and the chickens.”

Kailim felt a pit of dread forming in her stomach. Despite what Kailim told herself, she knew that Marnie and Robin were already more than two business owners; she reluctantly thought of them as her friends and doing so obviously opened the floodgates to every other resident of Pelican Town. And it would all start with a small little girl.

Oh, and Shane. He was still there watching Kailim’s reaction closely when Jas was mentioned. Rather than respond, Kailim held up a finger for Marnie to wait, and then took the stairs two at a time into her house. When she came back out, she hopped up on the passenger side footboard and tapped on the window, grinning a shit-eating grin. Reluctantly, Shane rolled it down.

“What?”

“Here,” Kailim held out three eggs.

Shane’s frame stiffened. “I don’t need charity.”

“Good thing it’s not, then” Kailim said. “It’s for helping me out this morning.”

Either Marnie didn’t notice the intensity of Shane’s gaze towards Kailim, or she didn’t care, because the woman laughed. “You’re always good for it, Kailim,” Marnie said, shaking her head. “It’s refreshing reliability.”

But Kailim was still waiting, hands outstretched with the eggs. A simple gesture, payment owed for work received, but it was _ so _ important that he take them.

Slowly, Shane reached up, took the eggs--they filled her two hands but only one of his--and settled them into his pockets, grunting what could have been a ‘thanks’. Then, Kailim hopped down, scooped up Yardstick and waved them down the road.

She could ignore the community for a while longer. They would live their own lives, gossip about their own people, and she would grow flowers on her farm and train Yardstick to keep out intruders and the darkness.


	6. Rumor Mill

Rumor Mill

Kailim pulled up to Pierre’s General Store at 8:55 am sharp, her farm clothes already caked in dirt. The mess was a small price to pay for the fourteen crates of radishes that loaded down her truck bed. Harvest had begun at five--an ungodly hour, but it had to be done early before the sun got too high and scorched the ground; heatstroke and a lecture from Dr. Harvey were both a real risk in this climate.

Yardstick watched from the cab as Kailim hopped up into the bed and began unloading her crates. They were heavy, but nothing she couldn’t handle. However, after a long morning of harvesting, her muscles protested. Halfway through, Kailim rested in the truck bed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes for a moment.

Footsteps came up the lane and Kailim sighed; she wanted to finish this before anyone came by and tried to socialize. Maybe if she didn’t open her eyes, the intruder would leave her alone.

But then a radish crate scraped against the truck bed and her head snapped up.

“What the fuck are you doing?” the words left her mouth before she could think about who was at the receiving end of the venom.

Grandma Evelyn’s grandson--what was his name? Sam? Or was that Jodi’s kid?--froze, two stacked crates hanging in midair. “Helping,” he said slowly, not offended, but more guarded.

“Sorry, I...” Kailim sighed, then stood. “I’m fine, I don’t need help.”

“Where do you want them?” He asked as if he hadn’t heard her.

Kailim felt the tension building in her shoulders. Someone else could come along and try to help, and then what? She didn’t have a good answer for that, but the ‘what if’ was enough for her.

The man grunted. He was still holding two very heavy crates and waited expectantly for directions.

“Just--the front door.” She could already see Pierre inside, keys in hand to open the shop. They began unloading in tandem, Kailim pushing the crates to the tailgate and-- _ what was his name _ ?!--hefted them two or three at a time and set them in front of Pierre’s door. The shopkeeper waved good morning and carted them inside. 

The truck was unloaded in no time, or at least much faster than if Kailim had done it on her own. Kailim slammed her truck bed shut, pointing at what’s-his-name as he set down the last crate. “Hold up for a second,” she said, then disappeared into Pierre’s.

The shopkeeper stood behind his counter, head lowered. “Fourteen crates?” Pierre asked, counting out golden bills. Kailim liked Pierre; when it came to business, he was honest and to the point, quick and efficient. “Here.”

“Thanks, Pierre. Have a good day,” Kailim took the money. “I’ll get the crates when I bring you the next load.”

Outside, the sun was already baking the shady town square. Kailim’s helper was petting Yardstick when she walked up. “Remind me of your name,” she said.

He blinked at her, smirking. “Alex, farm girl. What’s yours?”

Her nose wrinkled at the nickname. “Thanks for the help.”

Alex’s cocksure expression faltered when she offered him two bills. “Hey, I was just helping a cute girl. No strings attached.”

“I had it under control,” Kailim said, reaching out and stuffing the money into the pocket of his jacket. “And I don’t do ‘no strings attached’.”

Then she reached through her window for her fishing pole and bait box. Yardstick yipped happily when he hopped down, dancing around as she made her way across the town square. Alex was left standing there, looking a little at a loss for words, but that wasn’t her problem. They were even, now.

Yardstick loved the beach, loved to play in the water, and loved to lay under the pier. Kailim, on the other hand, loved to fish. In the summer, once the farm chores were done, it was too hot to do much else besides either mine or fish. Today - with the bright blue sky and baking sun - was a fishing day. The beach was empty when they got there, and Yardstick took off into the water. Kailim set up on the pier, hook loaded and back pressed against a strut, prepared to do a whole lot of nothing.

Willy came out to give Yardstick a pat on the head and joined Kailim. Kailim liked Willy; the old, grizzled man didn’t say much and appreciated the silence of fishing. When she pulled up a perch, he nodded in approval and then reeled in his own a few minutes later, at least three inches larger. She chuckled; he was always the best.

Time didn’t matter out there on the pier. She could relax and be productive in doing it. Perhaps that was a side effect of her time in Zuzu City; the need to be productive, to keep going, to never relax because that was lazy and there were better things to do with your time. That mindset was ingrained into her, and it was taking a whole lot of work to shake it off, even if she knew better now.

Well, she wasn’t convinced it was better, but she  _ felt _ better, at the very least.

Two or three hours into their foray--Kailim had lost track of time--Yardstick gave a single bark. A real, deep bark, startling Kailim from her fishing stupor. Paws came clattering down the pier. Before Kailim could turn around, an unstoppable force barreled into her and sent them both flying over the edge and into the ocean below.

The water was cold, sharp, and took the breath from her lungs. Thankfully, it wasn’t that deep, and she soon found her footing. Like a wet piece of seaweed, Kailim slogged up to the shore, gasping from the shock but otherwise unharmed. Yardstick, soaked down to his little bones, bounced up next to her and dropped something at her feet.

A gridball.

“Sorry, sorry!” A voice called, a familiar voice, and Kailim internally groaned. Today was just getting better and better. “Oh, Farm Girl. Knew he was yours.”

Kailim picked up the gridball, squinting at Alex. He was sweating, shirtless, and grinning. “ _ Was _ . Looking for a new home.” Yardstick yipped, jumping for the gridball.

Alex laughed. “Toss it back here.”

Kailim cocked her arm back and threw it in a spiral towards Alex, who dove and caught it with ease. He nodded, seemingly impressed. “You could go pro like me one day.”

She scoffed as they made their way back to the pier. “You’re pro?”

“Only a matter of time,” he said, jogging to catch up. “Confidence is key in these situations. I have to be in peak physical form.”

With a sideways look, Kailim shrugged. The day couldn’t get any worse, so she might as well enjoy it for the time being. “You’re almost there, it seems.”

It was probably for the better that Alex didn’t respond. All he managed was a grunt and another toss of the gridball; was that a blush, though? Confident, but awfully bashful.

Kailim shook her head. Nope, no analyzing. She wasn’t here to do that.

Back on the pier, Willy was nowhere to be found. Kailim gathered her bait box and pole, and Alex grabbed the cooler of fish before she could. “I hope you’re not expecting another handout.”

“Nah, this is just for a cute farm girl.”

“I have a name.”

“You never told me.”

That shut her up because he was right. At the time forgoing the information seemed like a smart idea, but here it was, biting her in the ass. “Kailim, otherwise known as Farm Girl.”

“From the City, right? Did you ever go to a Tunnelers game?” Kailim shook her head. Gridball had never been her choice of sport. “We’ll have to watch one at the saloon sometime, then.”

She raised her brow as they crossed the bridge leading to the town center. “We do?”

Again, that cocky grin flashed across his face. “Of course. There’s a game on tonight. Just a preliminary, but worth watching. How’s about it? Sunday night, a packed saloon, Gridball. Who knows what could happen?”

Alex had just listed every reason Kailim  _ wouldn’t _ want to go. But what was her alternative? Moping around her house with Yardstick and the feral cat? Today had been happenstance after happenstance, and she seemed to only fall deeper when she fought it.

“What time?” she asked as they reached Old Red and loaded her fishing gear into the back.

“Game starts at 7.”

“Lemme dry off and we’ll see.”

Alex opened the door for her, and Yardstick loaded up. She climbed in after a moment of hesitation. Even this, talking to a shirtless Alex, surely this would draw attention, Kailim thought. No matter what she did, it seemed she couldn’t stay out of Pelican Town’s rumor mill. 


	7. Two Hearts

Two Hearts

Gus and Emily looked surprised, to put it lightly, when Kailim snuck into the saloon at ten to seven. They were the only ones who noticed her, though; the rest of Pelican Town was staring at the television. The game was going to start any minute. She spotted Alex at the head of the crowd and felt her stomach roll. That position was a little too forward for her.

So she scanned the room and found the only empty chair at a table on the outskirts, right next to Shane.

“A round, Gus?” Kailim knocked on the bar as she coasted by. Shane spotted her and her trajectory before she was halfway across, which gave him plenty of time to plaster on a deep frown.  “Seat taken?”

Shane took a swig of his beer and threw his feet up on the opposite chair. “Yep.”

To his surprise, Kailim laughed, an honest-to-Yoba laugh that drove the irritation deeper into his beer logged bones. She thought he was kidding.

“Go take your spot next to the jock,” he grumbled. Jodi had seen Kailim and Alex talking, which she told to Sam, who mentioned it to Gus, and Shane overheard the exchange while ordering his third round.

“It's a bit crowded for the moment,” Kailim rubbed the back of her neck, anxiously watching the others. Most of Pelican Town was smashed into the other end of the bar, and Shane knew the look on her face all too well; he saw it in the mirror when he could stand to look at himself.

Shane lowered his feet and kicked the chair towards Kailim. He'd probably regret the moment of weakness later, but for now, he watched her sit down carefully as Emily brought two mugs over to Kailim. The farmer slid one towards him, smiling.“I know there's no such thing as free real estate in a crowded bar.”

He hated that she knew that. For no reason, he hated the hesitant smile that accompanied her knowledge, and full on loathed the fact that it was directed at him. But she had paid the toll. So instead of booting her off his table, he took the offered drink and sulked in silence at the game that had just started.

Kailim was surprised he didn’t put up more of a fight but was oh so thankful. Gridball gave them both a reason to ignore the other. She understood well enough what was happening on the television; the Tunnelers were winning...probably. Their number was higher, so yeah, winning. That was the extent of her knowledge though, and she trailed off eventually, surveying the bar’s inhabitants.

They were  _ much _ more interesting.

Despite the quaint nature of Pelican Town, it had a colorful smattering of inhabitants. Mayor Lewis and Marnie sat together at a table, still near the TV but off to the side, elbows touching. Pierre and Caroline, on the other hand, sat further away than would be expected from a long-term married couple.

Sam, Sebastian, and Abigail were in the pool room, but glanced up whenever everyone else cheered; Kailim caught Sebastian’s eye, and he nodded before focusing down his pool cue. Robin and Demetrius merely shouted when everyone else did, their heads bowed close together in conversation. Their shoulders held a private air, and Kailim tilted her head in thought; supposedly a strained marriage, but an intimate one.

Leah, the artist who lived in the cabin in Cindersap Forest, and the poet who lived in the cabin on the beach, shared a bottle of wine closest to Shane and Kailim. Nothing romantic, but more academic, as if they were speaking to a colleague, a like-minded soul.

And at the front of it all was Alex, totally enrapt by the game--too enrapt. It didn’t seem fake to Kailim, but his passion for the game was so intense that she made a mental note for later; compensation, maybe? Escapism?

Next to her, Shane slammed down his mug when the referee called a foul on the Tunnelers. “Bullshit, that was a bad call!”

Kailim snapped her head around. “What?”

“Didn’t you see that?” Shane looked as if he had forgotten Kailim was there. 

“Uh, honestly no.”

Halftime was called, and those surrounding the TV flooded Gus and Emily at the bar for refills. For the first time, Alex looked around the bar and finally saw Kailim.

“Incoming,” Shane muttered and stood, making his way to the bar.

“You made it!” Alex shouted, crossing over to her little corner of the bar. “And you've dried off.”

Kailim shrugged. “Thought I'd come see what gridball was all about.”

“What do you think?” Alex asked, waiting expectantly for her answer.

She chose her words carefully. “I can appreciate the skill of the players.”

He seemed satisfied with the response, but Shane returned, bumping Alex away from his seat before he could say anything. Alex's brow furrowed for a second, looking from Kailim, to Shane, then back again.

“You're blocking the view,” Shane grumbled at Alex.

“Right. Come up front, Kailim. Better view of the TV. And I can answer all your burning questions about gridball.”

Kailim finally took a long drink of her beer, then slowly shook her head. “Nah, I'm comfy here. 'Sides, you're too enrapt; I wouldn't want to pop your little bubble.”

Alex gave her a long look, and she stared right back. Shane thought the farmer looked suddenly intense, as if Kailim was examining Alex and reading him like an open book. There couldn’t be much to read for the jock, but apparently, she saw something interesting. The exchange was unnerving to watch, and Shane cleared his throat.

“Okay, then,” Alex muttered as the TV brought the Tunnelers game back to life. “I’ll see you around.” As Alex left, Kailim finished her drink in earnest, pinching the bridge of her nose, face screwed up like a headache or brain freeze after chugging a Joja Slushie too fast.

Kailim felt the weight of Shane’s eyes on her sore shoulders. She rolled them to relieve the tension, but only made it worse. “What?”

In the interest of avoiding the same piercing gaze, Shane didn’t respond. No telling what unfathomable disappointment Kailim would see if she examined him too closely. Besides, the Tunnelers were winning despite an  _ obviously _ biased referee, and Shane wanted to see how they took the second half.

Kailim found herself growing beyond appreciative of Shane’s silence--almost fond if she was being honest. He seemed to be one of the only people in all of Stardew Valley who wanted to leave her alone.

At some point, she was vaguely aware that the Tunnelers won. Everyone cheered, hugged, then mulled about to finish off the last of their drinks. Robin and Marnie both finally waved to Kailim, spotting her just as they left. The rest trickled out slowly as the clock inched ever closer to closing.

“Hey, see you at the luau Thursday, Kailim?” Alex called to her when he paused in the front doorway. Assuming the answer was ‘yes’, the door shut behind him and it was just Shane, Emily and Gus left in the bar.

“Luau?” Kailim asked Shane.

“A thing at the beach,” he explained, finishing the last of his beer. Was that his fourth since she showed up? “Bring food. Put it in a pot. There’s soup and hot pepper chutney. Really good hot pepper chutney. Oh, and the governor.”

Kailim nodded as they both wordlessly stood and made their way to the door. Shane didn’t wobble, didn’t even stumble as they turned down the lane toward Cindersap Forest. She didn’t have to go this way--the route past the bus stop had more light--but at least this way she would have some company against the darkness. For a little security, she tapped on her glow ring.

Shane’s soberness was also fascinating. He seemed impervious to the beer that was making her feel a little fuzzy. Had he built up a tolerance to it, or was he just  _ that much _ of a heavyweight?

Eventually, the pavement faded away and turned into a dirt path that led into Cindersap Forest. Marnie’s Ranch was just within the first clearing, and stretched far back, past where the forest thinned out.

Shane didn’t turn into the ranch. He kept walking, and Kailim followed him out of concern. They ended up at the end of the dock that stretched out into Cindersap Pond. Shane pulled a beer can out of his pocket and cracked it open, taking a long drink.

The forest whispered around them in the ensuing silence. A warm wind blew off the water, reminding Kailim that it was the height of summer, and tomorrow was supposed to be a scorcher, and if she wanted to get any work done she would have to wake up early, and it was nine already, and instead she was deciding to stand here to make sure that Shane didn’t take an inebriated dive into the pond.

Fuck.

A sudden grunt from Shane brought her back to the dock. His gaze lolled lazily over his shoulder at her. “You ever feel like...” then he shook his head, waving the idea off with another sip of beer. She wouldn’t want his inner monologue.

But she was curious; so, so curious as to why every time she tried to read him, all she saw was...a distance. There had to be something at the end of that long stretch of darkness. “You gotta be more specific than that, Shane.”

He squinted at something across the lake, avoiding her gaze. “You ever feel like no matter what you do, you’re gonna fail? Like, you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you’ll never see the light of day?”

Kailim only nodded, fiddling with her mug of beer that she just now realized she stole from the saloon. Whoops. She couldn’t find the words to agree with him; she knew the feeling too well. That feeling was in part why she found herself standing on a dock in the middle of Cindersap Forest, in the heart of Stardew Valley.

“I just feel like no matter how hard I try...” Shane bit his tongue. How much had he had to drink? Had he lost count? Where was this coming from all of a sudden? And to the farmer, of all people. But the floodgates had opened and would not be shut. “I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”

In hopes of forgetting about the City that suddenly loomed over Kailim’s tight shoulders, she downed the last of her stolen contraband, promising herself she would return the glass to Gus tomorrow.

Shane chuckled, not like he had when Yardstick was dousing them with the hose, but there was still some mirth to it. “Fast drinker, huh? Woman after my own heart. Just don’t make a habit of it. You’ve still got a future ahead of you.”

It was then that Shane made the mistake of looking at her and found himself under the same gaze that had captured Alex earlier in the evening. Kailim’s eyes were green,  _ so _ green and intimidating as they stared at him, waiting for some small inkling of...what? What was she going to see within him? Nothing.

Still nothing. Kailim saw a cold, empty nothing past his eyes, a vast space between his skin and whatever laid beneath.

She exhaled, and he was released as she shook her head in what could only be disappointment.

“And you don’t?” Kailim whispered, the first thing she had said since they came out here.

He didn’t respond, instead finishing the last of his beer and crushing the can beneath his foot. “Welp, my liver’s beggin’ me to stop. Better call it a night. See you around, Kailim.”

“Goodnight, Shane.”

She let him walk away, waited until the shutting of Marnie’s door signaled his final retreat. Left alone in the dark, she gave her glow ring another tap, sending more light into the darkness. She could do this. She could walk home in the dark. Alone. There wasn’t anything out there that she couldn’t handle.

Kailim was honestly surprised when that proved to be true. The short walk from Marnie’s Ranch to her front porch revealed no monsters lurking in the shadows, although her forearms tingled with anticipation. Anticipating what, who knew. But what if she wasn’t ready for it when it did happen, when it did emerge from the darkness.

Yardstick greeted her at the door with a butt wiggle, dancing around her feet as she shut the door and turned both locks. Her forehead pressed to the wood, she blew out a long breath. Home safe. But she couldn’t bring her thoughts off of what was beyond the door, what she saw in first Alex, then Shane.

She laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, Yardstick snoring gently by her head. Their sadness wasn’t her business. The villagers, their relationships, that wasn’t her problem. It didn’t matter how Clint watched Emily when he thought no one was looking. The space between Caroline and Pierre, both physical and perceived, was irrelevant. Any whispers regarding who Kailim spoke to, or who she sat with,  _ meant nothing _ as long as she ignored them.

That empathy was what got her here in the first place. She didn’t need it ruining another home.


	8. The Luau

The Luau

Rain pattered on through the week, soaking the Valley. All the water ensured that when the sun finally rose over the luau, the air was thick and humid, nearly insufferable. Kailim, loaded down with a basket of freshly picked summer melons, cut through Cindersap Forest on her way to the beach, hoping the shade would whisk away some of the heat. It didn’t, but Yardstick was enjoying weaving between the trees, so it was all good.

At the ranch, Shane and Jas were being herded out the front door as Kailim passed by, geared up in swimsuits and thick sunscreen.

“It’s so  _ hot _ , Aunt Marnie,” Jas whined, stomping her foot. “The luau’s  _ hot _ .”

“You’ve been talking about this for weeks, and now you’re whining?” Marnie asked Jas as she waved Kailim over. “Mornin’, stranger!”

“Good morning, everybody,” Kailim met them on the road. “Shall we?”

Jas groaned again, this time louder. “It’s too hot to walk!”

Kailim sighed affectionately at the child. “Shane, would you carry these?” She offered the basket of melons to Shane. He hesitated but took them, and Kailim swooped down to toss Jas on her back. “How’s that?”

Jas squealed as they continued down the road. Summer had come out in force for the luau, the rain having revived all of the wilting foliage to its former glory. Spice berries dotted their bushes. A wild pack of butterflies fluttered past as they came into town and turned for the beach.

"...and the Governor almost always loves the stew," Marnie was saying as they crossed the bridge to the beach. Jas wiggled off of Kailim's back, running for a palm-laden dance floor.

Pelican Town really had gone all out for the festival. Tables were lined with strings of leaves and summer spangles; everyone was in their swimming suits, or at least wearing clothing smothered in loud, tropical patterns. Kailim followed Marnie and Shane to the massive stewpot that was already bubbling away in the center of the beach. Mayor Lewis waved at Kailim; next to him was a large man in a stuffy looking three-piece suit.

"I am not," Shane groaned as he hoisted the melon basket up to Marnie, "your pack mule."

"Hey, I carried a child all the way here, you know," Kailim defended herself. "Besides, I thought a big, strong man like you could handle it."

Shane nearly dropped the melon he was holding. Did she just? Was that? Why?

Like a hammer, reality pounded down on to Shane, a soul-crushing reminder of his present state. Of course not. Why would she? Kailim, the honest, quiet, beautiful farmer? Like hell he had a chance.

Maybe Kailim had said something wrong, Shane was staring so intently at the melon in his hands. Marnie sighed and bent down to take it from him; that seemed to shake Shane, and he wandered over to the buffet table.

"I think I broke him," Kailim said. 

Marnie shrugged. "He doesn't hear that often, whether you were flirting or not."

Kailim felt her face flush from something other than the summer day. "Oh, I hadn't... Guess it did sound like something else."

Marnie didn't respond, instead stirring the stewpot with a renewed vigor as Robin and her clan donated to the pot. Sebastian nodded at Kailim--he was the only one not dressed up.

"Toasty?" She asked later at the buffet table, shooting him a playful smirk.

He just shook his head. "I could ask you the same."

Kailim adjusted the zipper on her rashguard before shoveling more coleslaw onto her plate. Who could blame her for not wanting to waltz around in a bikini? A string and two triangles did not armor make--at least not for her. However, Emily seemed quite comfortable in her getup, so to each their own.

"Touche," Kailim acquiesced to Sebastian as they found seats at one of the long tables set in a square around the stew pot. “Does the Governor usually like the soup?”

Sebastian shrugged. “One year Sam put a pound of anchovies in the pot.”

Kailim laughed. “How’d that go over?”

“Ever wonder why Sam leads the town in community service hours?”

Her next round of laughter was interrupted by Alex. He spun the chair next to Kailim and sat down, leaning his arms on the back. “Gonna be honest, I’m a little disappointed.”

Kailim pinched the bridge of her nose; if the summer heat didn't give her a headache, Alex would. “Hi, Alex.”

“I was hoping to see a little more skin today.”

“I’m sure Sebastian will take his hoodie off if you ask nicely.”

“What--no I meant--” Alex sputtered at the sudden curveball. 

Sebastian snorted, covering a grin as Mayor Lewis called the crowd’s attention to the soup pot. "It's time for the soup to be served! Governor, if you would do the honors?"

The governor, a round, sweaty man, sparked memories for Kailim as he waddled up the steps towards the pot. Surely she had seen him wandering around Joja headquarters in The City? Here, on a beach in the sweltering summer heat, he looked out of place. Kailim dismissed the nagging feeling.

"This is the most delicious soup I've had in years!" The governor declared with a flash of wide, straight teeth. Kailim shuddered as everyone swarmed the soup pot. Sebastian and Alex both left to join the growing line.

The Governor would definitely fit in at Joja Corp if he didn't already. Yoba knew that they had everyone under their belt; it was only a matter of time before even Mayor Lewis somehow succumbed to their influence.

That was a sad thought. Pelican Town was as untouched by Joja Corp as any town could be; it was a miracle that the Joja Mart hadn’t bled further into the landscape. There was still color in the Valley; green trees, brick sidewalks, flowers and bushes with little animals that skittered under them. What was the point of living here if Pelican Town faded into grey as well?

In the middle of the summer, in broad daylight, on a beach surrounded by people, Kailim could have sworn that everything darkened without a cloud in the sky.

No, she couldn’t go down that rabbit hole. Kailim blinked hard, resetting her eyes. That wasn’t her problem. The town could give in if it wanted, so long as Joja Corp stayed off of Hollyfrost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The feedback has been encouraging! Let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading!


	9. Line in the Sand

Line in the Sand 

Kailim held white-knuckled to the doorknob of the community center. Her head hurt; it had been a weird day. First Mayor Lewis unknowingly laid down a gauntlet between her and Joja Corp. Second, little forest sprites wanted Kailim to bring them food. Finally, the Wizard invited her into his tower and drugged her up so she could understand the forest sprites. So yeah, weird.

What pressed heaviest on her mind were the words of Mayor Lewis.

“You know, if one more person buys a Joja membership, I might as well just sell the thing,” he said while kicking at a loose floorboard of the community center. “Joja wants the land for a warehouse. I just wish there was some way to restore it...”

According to the translated forest sprites--the Junimos, they called themselves--there _ was _ a way: Kailim. If she brought them ‘offerings’, they would restore the community center room by room. She probably shouldn’t believe the weird forest fairies--maybe she finally got that summer heatstroke Robin was warning her about--but if they could make magical offering shrines appear, then who’s to say they couldn't do more?

“It isn’t your problem, Kailim...” she whispered to herself, releasing the doorknob. She had a farm to run, chickens to look after, hives to cultivate and honey to harvest. She had finances, and plans, and responsibilities. If Pelican Town couldn’t keep the community center open, that was no skin off her nose.

Kailim made it to the playground before looking back at the community center; the splintering siding, the broken windows. A junimo peeked at her from behind a tattered curtain, squeaking when her gaze found it. The building wasn’t her problem...

...but _ fuck _ Joja if they thought she would roll over and let them win. If there was a way to fight the corporation, to spite their gray suits and depressing cubicles, their order and regime and reign, Kailim would take it.

Not for Pelican Town, but for _ her _.

That evening, Kailim went home and loaded up Old Red with every item she currently had that the Junimos wanted--forage, leftover spring crops, fresh summer harvest, eggs, flowers. She brought it all to the shrines and watched as each gift restored a sliver of color to the walls or eased the musty-smelling air. By the end, the Community Center seemed to have fewer dust bunnies, but there were still many slots that needed filling. 

As she left, she watched Morris, the Customer Service Representative for Joja, waddle on home. Kailim shut the door behind her with a loud ‘click’, staring the unpleasant man down. He froze, then hustled past, grumbling to himself.

Kailim staked her claim. Someone had to fight them; she knew all too well what could happen if you didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double chapter update today because we get into the main arc that I am psyched for. This fic was originally intended to be a straightforward Shane/Player story, but with such a well-developed world, I couldn't ignore the other characters. So...it's gonna get real complicated before everything works out. Let me know what you think.


	10. Monsoon

Monsoon 

Thunder tore through the sky.

Rain pelted Kailim through a gaping hole in the chicken coop roof. Grape-sized hail ricocheted off the ground. The chickens protested the chaos from the furthest corner. Kailim’s head spun. If this storm would just ease up for two seconds, she might be able to come up with a plan.

In response, lightning flashed through the splintered roof. Yeah, Mother Nature wasn’t taking any shit today.

Kailim hauled the culprit - a splintered tree limb - out into the rain. The door slammed into the side of the coop. A gust of wind caught the branch, flinging it over the fence and into the catastrophic storm. That was one problem gone for now, but Kailim still had a hole in her coop roof. There might be a tarp somewhere around the farm, but there was no way in hell she was a) getting on the roof and b) nailing a tarp down in this storm.

“Kailim?!” A faint voice carried through the pouring rain.

“Over here!” Kailim didn’t care who it was--anyone’s hands were welcome for the vague plan she had formulated in her brief moment of brooding.

Shane--of all people, _ Shane _? Marnie must have sent him--fought against the wind, shielding himself in the thin Joja hoodie he always wore. “Holy shit, Kailim--" He was barely inside the coop a moment before a chicken was shoved in his arms. Kailim stuffed three chicks down the front of his jacket, gathered the remaining two hens, and then barrelled into the wind at full speed. If Shane was following, she couldn't tell, but hopefully, he could put two and two together.

They made it to the house just as another bolt of lightning struck the ground, too close for comfort. Kailim toiled against the wind and squawking chickens to wrench the door open, tumbling inside. Shane was right behind her, and the door slammed securely shut.

Hens ruffled out wet feathers; the chicks scurried to the safety of their mother's feet. Inside the house, Mother Nature's rage was muted; only the beating of rain and wind against the windows gave any indication to the gale outside.

Finally, Kailim looked up at Shane. He seemed to still be processing what had happened, much as she was.

"I'll find you a change of clothes," Kailim decided, gingerly stepping over the chickens. She rummaged around in her bedroom, trying to come up with anything that might fit Shane. The results were a men's t-shirt and shorts that she usually used as pajamas.

With Yardstick’s help, Shane had corralled the chickens onto the kitchen tile by the time Kailim returned.

"Here," she held out the clothes, "best I could find. Sorry."

Shane waved them away. "I'll be fine."

"You're shivering," Kailim shoved the clothes into his chest, challenging his glare with one of her own. "Put on the fucking clothes, Shane." He grumbled but acquiesced, and she pointed him towards the bathroom.

Kailim made coffee, methodically, then poured two cups and parked herself on a chair by the window to watch the destruction of Hollyfrost Farm.

What little she could see through the storm wasn't good. Rows of peppers and blueberries thrashed about, snapping like twigs. Branches larger than the one that crashed through the chicken coop flew past like hellish tumbleweeds. The stream at the back of her property was a raging torrent, threatening to flood the furthest melon field.

Kailim's heart sunk. For the briefest moment, she allowed herself a heavy sigh, closing her eyes tight against any impending emotions. Physically, this single storm would take weeks to clean up and recover from; financially, maybe there wouldn't be a recovery.

Shane sat down across from her, also watching the storm. She jumped. How long had he been there?

"Thank you," Kailim said. She didn’t know what else to say, so she pushed the second cup of coffee towards him.

Shane stared at the coffee, rather than at Kailim. He had seen her looking out the window, shoulders heavy; a moment of weakness that he shouldn’t have seen, and yet he had, and he didn’t know what to do. Watching her shiver, still soaking wet from the chicken rescue - it made him feel useless, so he stirred his coffee and shrugged. “It’s whatever.”

Kailim scoffed. “Right, you just happened to be in the area, and thought you’d stop by.”

Shane took a long drink of his coffee. “Aunt Marnie sent me over before the storm got so bad, to see if you needed help preparing.”

“The weatherman didn’t say anything about thunderstorms. Not a cloud in the sky, and then...” Kailim’s gaze drifted to the window again. “Yoba...this.”

Where to even start? Branch removal, probably. Robin would have to come out to patch the coop roof and any other damage to the house. The fences would need fixing. But the crops, the flowers...they’d either make it or they wouldn’t. Yoba help her if they didn’t.

A gentle nudge jarred Kailim from her thoughts. Shane’s foot retreated from her boot, and she shivered. Finally, he could meet her eyes.

“You should get changed, too,” he said. At the very least, maybe he could make her take care of herself. Kailim thought about arguing - he saw the words form in her mouth - but she deflated when he raised a brow at her and she slunk away to her bedroom.

Mother Nature eased up by the time she returned. The rain was still thick and heavy, but the wind died off, increasing visibility across the fields. Rather than return to the table, Kailim stepped out onto the front porch. Shane, with little other choice, followed.

Perhaps the destruction could have been worse, but not by much. Tree limbs littered the fields; another branch hung dangled from the chicken coop. Fences stood broken in multiple places. The only thing saving an entire field from flooding was a tree that had been uprooted and scattered across the stream.

Kailim sank briefly, elbows braced on the railing, her head in her hands. Shane didn’t know what to do, how to help. He listened to the patter of rain against the porch, building even as they stood there, gearing up for a second wave. Somewhere to the west, the sun began sinking, drawing a curtain over the scarred fields. Eventually, Kailim took a deep breath and straightened herself. It was like watching a robot come to life, the way her shoulders tensed and she looked stiffly over at him.

“You’re not walking home in this,” she said. Her words were punctuated by a crack of thunder that made them both jump. Her eyes darted out into the encroaching darkness. 

Shane shook his head. “I’ll be fine. Your pickup will get stuck in all that mud.”

Kailim was quiet for a moment before she opened the screen door. “Then my couch is plenty comfy.”

Shane followed Kailim dumbly back into the house. He didn’t know what to say, to do. Protesting wasn’t going to work, that much was obvious, but he couldn’t stay. Crashing on her couch somehow seemed more ridiculous than anything else that had happened today.

Yardstick herded the chickens into the bathroom, where Kailim settled them in for the night. Shane was still standing by the door, fidgeting, but there was no way he would make it home through the storm. In a last-ditch effort, Kailim tried the one thing that might help him settle in.

“Want a drink?” Kailim offered as she closed the curtains, blocking out the inky night. “I don’t have much, but...” Sure enough, Shane stopped fidgeting. He nodded, taking a seat at the table while Kailim held up her limited options. “Wine that probably isn’t ready yet--”

“What? You made it yourself?” Shane asked.

“Mhm. This might be better though,” Kailim presented to Shane an unmarked glass jug filled with pale amber liquid and two glasses. “Patience, young one,” she laughed when he reached for it. Kailim threw some pepper poppers in the oven that she was planning on eating for dinner anyway--made with fresh peppers from the field.

“Now what? You’re going to poison me?” he asked as Kailim finally sat down. His mouth was dry with the promise of a drink.

Kailim laughed; it was a nice sound that Shane hadn’t heard before. “Maybe; it_ is _ homemade. I’ve been practicing some bootleggin’ on the side. Care to sample?” She poured them each a glass, holding the liquid up to the light for inspection.

“To Mother Nature,” Shane suggested, regretting the words as soon as he said them. There went his bed for the night, thrown away on careless words like an idiot.

Kailim, however, thought about his toast, then nodded, clinking her glass to his. “To Mother Nature.”

The ale was lighter than what Shane was used to, but what it lacked in body it made up for in flavor; sweet, almost like honey, and even a bit of earthiness in the aftertaste, but still plenty of the bite that homebrewed alcohol often had. Shane savored the sip like he hadn’t in a long time.

“We should probably let Marnie know you’re staying,” Kailim said, pulling her phone out.

_ Kailim: Stream is flooding. Shane’s stuck here for the night. _

Pouring herself another glass, Kailim got up to retrieve the pepper poppers. These smelled better than the ones Shane often found himself microwaving, and definitely looked better when Kailim set the plate down between them, dipping sauces included.

They ate in comfortable silence, listening to the storm as it reached a crescendo outside. Nothing could be fixed tonight, so Kailim drowned her anxieties in pepper poppers and alcohol. It didn’t stop her from thinking about the farm, but it certainly dulled any pressing concerns she had.

Instead, Kailim watched Shane through stolen glances when he was taking a drink or petting Yardstick. What had begun as an expression of contentment slowly sagged away, aged by dark circles under Shane’s eyes, with frown lines at his brows and mouth. By the bottom of his third glass, the Shane that Kailim was used to had returned: quiet, sullen, staring deep into the alcohol like it held some answer to the question that constantly weighed on his shoulders.

Kailim got the feeling that she should pull the alcohol from this equation before he sank much deeper. She cleaned up their dishes, storing the alcohol far back in the cabinet, behind bowls and baking trays.

“Will this be enough?” Kailim asked as she brought a blanket and pillow to the couch. “I have more.”

“‘s good,” Shane mumbled, shuffling over. Her couch was better than his bedroom floor, where he spent most of his drinking nights.

Kailim put out the fireplace as Shane settled in. “If not, there are more in the bathroom cabinets that you’re welcome to. Just have to get past the chickens.” He made some sort of noise that sounded like a chuckle. Kailim shuffled around, turning off all the lights before she made her way to the bedroom.

“Missed one,” Shane mumbled from the couch.

“What?” she asked, and he pointed to the dim light over the stovetop that always stayed on, like a subconscious night light. “Oh...”

Reluctantly, Kailim wandered over and flipped the switch. Her vision plunged into darkness. Shit, it was fine. This was her own damn house. Nothing could get her in her own damn house. Even still, she hurried to the bedroom, ushering Yardstick in before shutting the door with a bit too much force. Automatically, she clicked the lock into place, putting a solid object between her and the darkness.

From her pocket, her phone vibrated.

_ Marnie: Thanks for letting me know. It got worse than I thought. Need help cleaning up tomorrow? _

Kailim sank against the door. Outside, the storm still raged, beating against the farmhouse with an anger that could blow the house over. She listened to the destruction of Hollyfrost Farm, biting her lips to prevent any real emotion from seeping through.

_ Kailim: No, the farm is fine. Thanks. _


	11. Help

Help

Maybe it was the alcohol that made Kailim sleep in past her usual rise time. Maybe her body was instinctively avoiding the chaos that waited for her outside. Whatever it was, Kailim woke at 7, sunlight glaring in through the windows. Yardstick was already laying by the bedroom door, ready to be released into the yard.

But Kailim laid there, listening to the quiet morning. No rain or blustering gales; not even the sound of stormwater draining through the fields. Just birds chirping, a gentle breeze blowing, and...

Tapping. Rhythmic tapping like the sound of a hammer.

Kailim sat up as more noise began to filter in with the sunlight. A voice--no, several voices, footsteps on the gravel driveway. Then more banging, shuffling, talking. What in the name of Yoba was happening?

Kailim pulled on her work clothes and hurried out. Shane wasn’t on the couch. Her screen door was propped open, letting in the rain-cooled air. From the porch, Kailim stared open mouthed at Hollyfrost farm.

The destruction she had already anticipated and wasn’t surprised by. The people, on the other hand, shocked her. Robin was up on the roof of the chicken coop, patching the hole. A large pile of splintered wood was stacked in the driveway, shaking when Demetrius tossed another broken fence post onto it. Coming in from the furthest fields with more sticks and logs were Sebastian, Shane and Alex.

“Good morning, Kailim,” Grandma Evelyn said when she spotted Kailim. The old woman was dusting mud off the porch. “The rain cooled us off, didn’t it?”

Kailim was speechless, watching as Jas and Vincent ran past with Yardstick, corralling the chickens toward a makeshift pen. “What...What's going on?”

“Well, after the storm last night, we were all checking on one another in town to see if anyone needed help. And Marnie put out the word that your farm got hit particularly hard, so here we are. It’s not much, but...”

“It’s too much, Evelyn,” Kailim had to clear her throat. Anxiety wanted to settle in--how would she ever return the favor--but Kailim filed that away for later. Right now, she felt relieved that at least she wasn't alone. Then, something Evelyn said clicked. “Wait - Marnie did this?”

The old woman nodded, returning to her broom with a steady vigor. That didn’t make sense, though. How could Marnie have known, unless...

Kailim zeroed in on Shane as he rolled a fence post onto the branch pile.

Shane knew his plan to tell Marnie would go one of two ways with Kailim; either way was worth it. Maybe he didn’t know the words to help her last night, but Shane knew there was one thing he could do. Or rather, that Aunt Marnie could do. He couldn’t just leave after seeing the way Kailim sunk under the storm. 

Judging by the way Kailim was stalking over to him, Shane had a pretty good idea of how she was taking this. Oh well, dumb idea, but at least he tried. 

Kailim had a finger poised, ready to jab in his face with some appropriate words about ‘how dare he bring all these people into her business’, but they fell flat. She closed her mouth, opened it again, then pinched the bridge of her nose in thought. Swallow the pride, Kailim. You needed this help.

She wasn’t yelling at him yet, that was a good sign, Shane thought. But she also wasn’t saying anything. He felt like a child waiting to get scolded while Kailim sorted out her emotions.

“Thank you,” she finally mumbled, then looked him in the eye. “Thank you, Shane.” Her words radiated a genuine gratitude that threw Shane for a loop. No one had looked at him like that in a long time, let alone said those words. It wasn’t what he was expecting, but he almost, very nearly liked it. “But I didn’t need--”

This stubborn woman! Shane shoved a bundle of sticks into Kailim’s chest, challenging her glare with one of his own. “Take the fucking help, Kailim.”

She saw her words from the previous night mirrored before her and Kailim hissed, flinging the sticks onto the burn pile. Shane chuckled. She could be angry later; for now, there was work to be done.

Kailim gave Grandma Evelyn free reign of the house and kitchen while they all worked. Demetrius, Marnie and Kailim walked the fields, assessing the damage to the crops. By some miracle, only a few blueberry bushes were completely trashed; other plants bore leaf damage, exposed roots, but nothing that couldn’t be recovered from with a little care. A sizeable chunk of the flower fields laid flat, but the beehives still stood strong, if a little water logged.

Maybe there could still be a profit this season, if luck was on Kailim’s side - luck and Mother Nature, although she didn't really need any more of the latter's attention.

The three of them grabbed stray branches on the way back to the farmhouse, and began formulating a plan for the uprooted tree in the stream. Step one was obviously 'move it' but the 'how' was less clear.

Evelyn had lunch ready by the time the trio reached the farmhouse. Coleslaw, sandwiches, strawberry lemonade. The workers sat scattered around her front porch, happy to take a break from the scorching summer sun.

"The farm looks amazing," Demetrius said as Kailim joined them with her own plate of food. "You've done a great job, Kailim."

This was the first time most of them had seen Holly Frost, Kailim realized. "It's looked better, but thank you. You all have made a huge difference."

"There are some extra fence posts still stacked out back, right Kailim?" Robin asked her. "Now that most of the junk is gone, we can probably finish the fences today; only your vertical slats were really damaged. And I'm nearly done with the coop roof."

Kailim managed a shake of her head as Grandma Evelyn poured her another glass of lemonade. She felt overwhelmed, staring out at what could have been weeks of work on her own. Instead, a few hours and 22 hands later, the farm was halfway to finished.

"Well, sooner we get started the better. Guys, bring the posts around front." Marnie hoisted herself off the steps, lingering as everyone vacated the porch, save for Shane. Then, Marnie crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Kailim.

“You’re in for it now,” Shane muttered.

“Kailim, I asked if you needed help,” Marnie said. “You lied to me.”

Kailim shrank against the porch. “Might’ve done.”

“There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Practice it sometime.” Then, Marnie marched down the steps, leaving Kailim with whiplash from the short-yet-thorough scolding.

In the ensuing silence, Kailim nursed her pride and felt her irritation with Shane rise once again. But, she had to remind herself, they had her best interest at heart; a littlediscomfort was good for growth. 

"Wearing out?" Kailim finally asked Shane. He looked back at her from his place on the stairs. The man looked tired, but not in his usual way.

"I'm fine. It's just... Been awhile." Shane stretched, joints popping. His body was going to hate him for this tomorrow, but the manual labor still felt good. He was tired, sure, but physically instead of mentally, like he hadn't been in a long time.

"Stick around long enough and you'll get used to it," Kailim said. She stood, offering him a hand up.

If Shane was stupid and hopeful, that almost sounded like an invitation. Almost. But he hadn’t done much, and after this, there wouldn’t be any reason to stick around. Kailim would be holed up on the farm, and he’d slip back into whatever dark abyss he crawled out of. 

Shane was neither hopeful nor stupid, so he took her words for what they were: something to fill the silence. Shane stood on his own, brushing aside Kailim's hand.  "Come on. Stuff to do."


	12. Four Hearts

Four Hearts

“You can’t stay?” Marnie asked Kailim a week later after dinner at the Saloon.

Kailim didn’t know how to explain that she barely even made it out tonight; the threat of a stern, Marnie-branded scolding was all that lured her away from Hollyfrost Farm. Fall was creeping closer, and thanks to all the help she’d gotten from Pelican Town, Kailim was right on schedule for the final summer harvest. Pierre delivered the fall seeds that morning, which meant the fields  _ had _ to be ready if she wanted to plant by the weekend.

“There’s just so much to do on the farm,” she told Marnie as the women gathered their jackets and wove through the usual Friday night crowd. Only one person seemed to be missing tonight - Shane. Kailim hadn’t seen him since the storm, maybe because their paths just didn't cross, or maybe because he was avoiding her. Although everyone else in Pelican Town had wriggled in closer to Hollyfrost Farm - which wasn’t bad, Kailim reminded herself, just different - the vague friendship her and Shane had cultivated seemed to vanish. Surprisingly, Kailim found herself missing it.

"You need help, Kailim," Marnie said as they walked home through Cindersap Forest. It wasn’t quite dark yet; sunlight still filtered through the thick trees, but not enough to keep Kailim’s skin from crawling. She would end up walking home in the dark again. "Hollyfrost is growing. If you get that barn you were talking about, it's gonna grow even more. Too much for one person."

“I’ve got plenty of time to spare, Marnie. I’ll be okay.”

Marnie shook her head, but let the topic drop as they came to the ranch. “At least come in for a second. I have something for you.” Kailim couldn’t say no to that, even with nighttime as close as it was. “Jas, Shane, Kailim’s here!”

Jas came sprinting out of the kitchen, throwing herself at Kailim’s legs. “Hi, Miss Kailim!”

“Hi, Jas,” Kailim patted Jas’s hair, slowly extracting the child so she could kneel down to her level. “Watcha up to?”

Jas proudly presented Kailim with a drawing of - honestly, Kailim wasn’t sure what - as Marnie skirted around the corner into the kitchen.

“This is the farm!” Jas told her. “That’s Yardstick,” she pointed to a brown blob, “and me, and you, and Shane, and Aunt Marnie. Those are the sticks we picked up.”

Despite herself, Kailim felt a smile begin at the corners of her mouth. “That’s really good, Jas.”

“It’s for you,” Jas stuffed the drawing into Kailim’s hand. “For Yardstick.”

“I’ll be sure to put it right on my fridge, sweetheart,” Kailim assured her, folding the drawing with the utmost care and sliding it into her back pocket.

“Kailim...will you come here?” Marnie’s voice came from somewhere beyond the kitchen; her tone worried Kailim.

“Jas, will you draw me another picture?” Kailim asked, setting Jas back up at the kitchen table with her crayons and paper. “Stay here. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Jas happily turned back to her drawings. With one eye on the child to make sure she stayed put, Kailim headed down the small hallway off the kitchen. Marnie stood in the threshold of the only door. The woman stepped aside, gesturing forward. Her face was pained by a deep frown.

“Kailim, can you do something? He’s out cold.”

Laying face first on a stained rug was Shane, beer cans scattered around him. In that instant, Kailim was struck by two thoughts.

The first was that she shouldn’t be there. This wasn’t for her eyes. This wasn’t her business. Every molecule of her brain was screaming at her to turn around and run. No point in being here, he wouldn’t want her here, fuck, fuck, fuck-

The second thought was how Shane looked the same now as he had three drinks in at her kitchen table. Dark circles and creases made him look older than he probably was. And Kailim felt the same pull, the same need to hide the beer cans, tuck him in, not out of pity but...care? Concern? Friendship, if anything. Surely, somehow, she could help.

But the only thing worse than no help was unwanted help. So which was the lesser of two evils for Shane?

Kailim went back out into the kitchen. She found a glass, filled it with water from the tap, then stood over Shane in the bedroom. This probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but Joja never covered alcoholism in their ‘Introduction to Career Counseling’, so this was Kailim’s best shot with the limited tools at her disposal. 

Shane sat bolt upright when the cold water hit his face. Spluttering violently, the world spun before settling on...oh. His floor. The cans. Yeah, he remembered now. “What the fuck?”

This would be her moment to leave, but Kailim wasn’t given a chance to retreat. Marnie laid into Shane and Kailim was caught in the crossfire. “Shane, what’s the matter with you? All you do anymore is mope around your room and drink beer!”

Shane hoisted himself onto the tattered couch, running hands through his hair while he waited for the world to stand still. Marnie didn’t care, not really. She was ready to be done with him and his leeching. “You wouldn’t understand...”

“Shane, I’m worried,” Marnie took a step forward but hesitated. “ _ We’re _ worried.”

That made Shane look up. He hadn’t noticed the third body in the room until now. His vision steadied when he found Kailim, staring at the floor with wide eyes. Fuck, this was even worse. Marnie’s disappointment he could deal with--Kailim’s not so much. She was too good for this, for his bullshit and whining.

“What’s your plan? Don’t you ever think about the future?” Marnie wasn’t letting up. Kailim tried to catch Shane’s eye, give him some sort of look that conveyed support - hell, he could take the look however he wanted, just so he’d know that he wasn’t alone.

Shane felt Kailim’s gaze, and it physically hurt, the way her pity laid over him.

“Plan?” He muttered. The words coated his mouth, made his tongue thick with honesty. “Hopefully I won’t be around long enough to need a plan...”

Kailim’s chest seized; she’d heard those words before, and this time they weren’t coming from yet another soulless client. She couldn’t brush them off under protocol and a promised promotion. The words were real, had to be real with the way they sank so heavily into her bones. 

A tiny gasp came from the doorway; Kailim barely caught sight of a green bow disappearing as Jas’ sobs echoed down the hallway. Marnie, the battle apparently lost for now, hurried after the child.

“Jas...” Shane murmured, returning his head to the cradle of his hands. “I’m sorry.”

There was nothing to say, really. Nothing that Kailim felt should be said, even if she had the capability to form words. But Shane couldn’t be left alone. So, despite her better judgement, Kailim sunk down the wall and sat on the cold floor.

Shane kicked at a beer can, sending it flying into the opposite wall. It didn’t make him feel any better, but at least the silence was filled for a moment; the sharp clang of the metal drowned out Kailim’s suffocating pitty. Shane couldn’t even look at her, couldn’t stand the idea of sorrowful green eyes watching, judging. He could judge himself well enough on his own. He knew how disgusting he was, how useless, destructive, unworthy--

“Shane,” Kailim said suddenly, not quite full volume, but still casual, talkative. He was digging himself into a hole just sitting there. Kailim couldn’t pull him out, but maybe she could stop his descent, at least for the next few days.

With the silence broken, Shane snapped his head up, a snarl already twisting his face. But when he looked at her, at the intrusive farmer, he didn’t find a bit of pity. She had her head thumped back against the wall, staring at the ceiling casually, not a bit of judgement or disgust to her. He was speechless. Shane found himself struggling to remember the last time someone had just...been there.

“The jellyfish thing - that’s happening soon, right?”

Shane blinked at her, reeling. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Shit, she needed to talk faster. “When everyone goes to see the jellyfish on the beach. Robin was telling me about it. I’m gonna go, I think. Wanna come?”

Kailim hadn’t planned on going to The Dance of the Moonlight Jellies - nighttime functions weren’t her idea of a grand ol’ time. She’d rather be safe inside, where the shadows couldn’t get to her. But the event was the only thing she could think of on such short notice.

Shane squinted at her. If this was pity, Kailim had a weird way of showing it. Something told him that the offer wasn’t a pitiful one, though. “Yeah. I like jellyfish.”

Smooth. Real smooth there, Shane. ‘You like jellyfish’. Genius.

“Alrighty then,” Kailim slapped her knees, hopping up from the floor. “It’s a date. I’ll see you there.”

Date. Poor choice of words, Kailim. But he at least had to stay alive until the Dance, so her job was done. Now, he needed to cool down. On her way out, Kailim scooped up the can he had kicked, pausing in the doorway.

“Goodnight, Shane.”

A grunt was his response. Close enough.


	13. The Dance of the Moonlight Jellies

The Dance of the Moonlight Jellies

Kailim  _ really _ didn’t think her offer through. Her day began at 5am in the eastern field, combing through dried plants for any remaining hot peppers, then taking a scythe to the foliage. She followed the sun west across Hollyfrost, ending where cool air met the clustered shade trees in the furthest field.

Kailim leaned on her scythe, squinting up into the leaves; still green, but a few were already tinged with golden edges. How would fall appear in Stardew Valley? In the City, the season moved in gradually on heavy rain clouds and windy pavements. There was no nature to signal the changing of the seasons.

By now, the sun dipped past the treeline and into the mountains. Kailim headed to the house, past the feral cat and Yardstick curled up on the porch in the evening sunshine. 

On her way out the door, Kailim hesitated. Most of Pelican Town would be there tonight. Since the rain storm, Kailim had managed to run into almost everyone who helped her rebuild and pay them back somehow, with fresh veggies or flowers. But she hadn’t crossed paths with Alex or Sebastian yet. Tonight would be a good opportunity for some ‘thank yous’.

Yardstick trailed at Kailim’s side as they headed down across Holly Frost to Cindersap Forest, backpack of gifts thrown over her shoulder. A cool breeze whipped through the trees, the first leaves of fall skirting across her path. The hair on Kailim’s arms raised; maybe she should have grabbed a jacket. Marnie’s ranch was quiet as Kailim passed, no sign of the owner or Jas, but also no sign from Shane. He didn’t have work today--maybe he was already at the Saloon? Kailim hoped not.

Kailim checked with Gus before she let Yardstick into the Saloon. No one else was inside, and Gus set a paper plate of scraps down for Yardstick while Kailim made herself comfy on a barstool.

“Going down to see the Moonlight Jellies tonight, Kailim?” Gus asked her while he ran a rag over mugs that were already spotless.“Bit early, isn’t it?”

Kailim watched Yardstick chomp at his scraps. “I’m just excited, I guess.”

Liar. The walk to the beach through town was lit, that was the reason. She couldn’t stand the thought of heading through Cindersap in the dark, all alone. She’d brought Yardstick for the walk back - no avoiding the dark after the Dance - hoping that he might help fend off some of her fears.

The door to the Saloon creaked open. Kailim whipped around in her seat, praying that maybe - no. It was Sebastian, a barstool dragging behind him.

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” Gus came around to help Sebastian carry in three more stools. “Tell Robin thank you for me. I’ll tell her tonight, of course. I just couldn’t figure out how to fix these.”

Sebastian shrugged. “She said it wasn’t a big deal.”

“Nonsense,” Gus lined the stools up at the bar, stepping over Yardstick. “Wait here, I have something for her in the back.”

Sebastian looked like he wanted to protest, but Gus was already gone, so he pulled up the seat next to Kailim.

“Going to the beach tonight?” Kailim asked him.

“Yeah. Have you ever seen the Jellies? They’re really cool.”

Kailim shook her head. She patted Yardstick when he came over for attention. Gus still wasn’t back. Yoba, this was hard. Gift giving required swallowing a bit more of her pride than she was comfortable with.

“Here,” in a moment of blind confidence, Kailim slid Sebastian’s gift over to him. He caught it with surprising accuracy. “I didn’t really get a chance to thank you for helping rebuild the farm. I know you’re busy, with coding and your job and everything, so I appreciate the time and, uh, help.”

Sebastian held the frozen tear up to the firelight, examining the crystalline structures within the mineral. “You’re...welcome. And thanks, I really like these. Where’d you find it?”

Kailim let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. The gift was based on nothing more than something in his aesthetic that told her he would probably enjoy anything called a ‘frozen tear’. The gamble paid off, and she stored the information away for later.

“The mines,” Kailim told him as Gus came out, holding a tupperware container filled with something that smelled  _ amazing _ .

“You can get some exotic ingredients from the mines,” Gus said as he set the tupperware down. “Fresh spaghetti, just for Robin.”

Sebastian gave a small laugh. “She’ll be there tonight, you know.”

Gus beamed. “That settles it, I’ll give it to her myself then!”

Outside grew dark as the clock crept closer towards nine. Sebastian started a game of pool in the back room, showing Kailim the basics. Gus tried to teach Yardstick a trick with leftovers.

And Kailim, even though she knew there would be lights, and other people, and laughter, and beautiful nature...Kailim still glanced out the window at the sky, now pitch black and endless. Such a stupid fear. Completely irrational, but...

Sebastian and Kailim waited while Gus locked up the Saloon for the night. He handed them bags full of snacks to carry; Gus was already loaded down with his own food. They made their way though town, down over the bridge and towards the dim candlelight radiating from the shoreline of the beach. Kailim stuck close to the others, keeping Yardstick at her heel. Despite the lights, she couldn’t help glancing behind them. What if something followed?

They were the last to show, it seemed. The whole of Pelican Town was already spread out across the docks; candles dotted the posts, some buried in the sand. And beyond them all stretched a bottomless expanse of water, rolling gently against the shore, so peaceful and terrifying in its depths.

Sebastian and Kailim helped Gus set up the snack table on the dock. Kailim only half heard when Sebastian left to claim his own spot on the dock. She squinted into the darkness. Vague shapes stood out over the water, but no sign of Shane. He might be past the bait shop, just out of view.

A hand reached out past Kailim to dip into the bowl of pretzels, making her damn near jump out of her skin. Alex caught her arm before she tripped and went over the edge of the dock. The rescue pulled her into his chest, and he grinned down at Kailim.

“Well, hello there,” he said. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kailim nodded a bit too quickly. She needed to get ahold of herself, both physically and mentally. She took a step back to put some distance between them. “Actually, I was looking for you.”

At that, Alex smirked. He tossed a pretzel into the air and caught it in his mouth. “Oh, really? Missed me that much?”

Kailim pulled his gift out of her backpack. “Thank you for helping me clean up the farm. I appreciate it.”

Alex hesitated before taking the offered jar from Kailim. He unscrewed the lid. “No way! You made this?”

“Yeah, fresh from the fields. Ms. Evelyn mentioned you liked summer melons, so...melon preserves seemed like a good way to go.”

“This is awesome. Thanks!”

Was gifting getting easier? Regardless. at least now she was even with everyone who helped out. 

Kailim met Alex’s offered fistbump. “Haley’s up on the shore. Care to join us?”

“No, thanks. I’ll third wheel it some other time.”

“Suit yourself. Thanks again, farm girl,” Alex said, jogging into the dark.

Past the bait shop stood Jas and Marnie, peering over the furthest edge of the dock. The scene weighed heavy over Kailim; no Shane. Yardstick greeted Jas and Marnie turned around with a smile.

“There you are!” She said, but her words flew over Kailim’s shoulder, landing just behind.

A single grunt responded to Marnie, and Kailim breathed out. Thank Yoba. Shane glanced over at Kailim; she wanted to grin, but settled for a small smile at the man.

Shane felt ridiculous when he saw Kailim’s smile. She looked so happy to see him, relieved even. “What?” he asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

“I’m glad you made it, Shane,” she told him. 

Well, that was certainly a surprise, but a welcome one. “Really?”

Why couldn’t he believe her? “Absolutely.”

Jas ran up before Shane could question her again. “Ms. Kailim! Ms. Kailim! I saw something in the water! They’re almost here!”

Kailim laughed, following Jas down to the edge of the dock, where Mayor Lewis was fussing over a bright lantern boat. “In any other situation, a child saying that would be terrifying,” Kailim told Shane. The words had the intended effect; he chuckled and seemed to relax a bit further.

They settled in, Shane with his legs dangling over the edge and Kailim’s curled under herself. Jas bounced around the edge, trying to spot a Moonlight Jelly, pointing at every sparkle that glinted off the water.

Kailim risked another glance over at Shane. He looked...better? Better than he had passed out, but still pretty rough; tired eyes, unshaved stubble. The longer Kailim looked, though, the more something felt different, but she couldn’t quite place a finger on what it was. Oh well; she was just relieved to see him next to her, upright and hopefully sober.

“That should do it!” Mayor Lewis said suddenly, looking over at Kailim. “What do you think? Should we send it out?”

Kailim nodded, unsure of what the plan really was. Lewis untied the small lantern boat from its mooring and gave it a gentle push into the darkness.

“How exactly do we find the Jellies?” Kailim whispered to Shane. Rather than respond, he reached over for the candle nearest them, smirked at Kailim, then blew.

All at once the docks were plunged into complete darkness as everyone snuffed out the candles. Kalim gasped. No, no, no, why would they do that? What if something came up from the water, or behind them? She couldn’t see and scrambled for anything solid to anchor herself to as her throat closed.

Her hand clamped around a strong arm, her grip too tight to be casual, then released as soon as she realized who’s arm it was.

“Are you okay?” Shane whispered from the dark. Kailim’s eyes were taking their damn sweet time adjusting to the blackness. “Kailim?”

“I, um...” Kailim pulled her knees to her chest, trying to be as quiet as possible in her sheer panic. “I don’t really like the dark.”

She heard shuffling, then Shane appeared, close enough to vaguely see. His hoodie brushed her bare arm as he pointed out to sea. “Just wait for it.”

Amongst the shadowy waves glinted a single blue light, briefly, before disappearing into the black once again. Then another flicker. Three more, closer this time. Slowly, like a sea of scattered stars, the ocean began to ignite with the glow of ten, twenty, fifty, a hundred glowing jellyfish drifting in on the gentle tide. They quickly replaced the lost candles with their light, bathing the docks in a soft blue-green glow.

“They’re drawn to the brightest light,” Shane explained, leaning in close so he wouldn’t disturb the reverent silence. “They migrate past the Valley every year before heading south for the winter. No one knows where they really go, though.” A green jellyfish surfaced beneath Shane’s feet, brighter than all the rest. “Jas, look!”

Kailim made room for Jas between her and Shane, holding onto the back of the child’s dress as she leaned over the edge of the dock, staring wide eyed at the green jellyfish. Pure joy flashed over the child’s face. “The rare green jelly!”

Shane wanted to look at the jellyfish, but he couldn’t stop staring at the two beside him. Jas’ smile took his breath away. The way she looked up to make sure he saw the jellyfish - she hadn’t looked at him like that in a long time, and he hated himself for it.

And then there was Kailim, still hovering somewhere between terror and childish glee, and yet she had the presence of mind to hold Jas so she didn’t fall. Shane remembered the first time he witnessed the moonlight jellies, years ago when he and Jas moved to Stardew Valley, and thought that maybe Kailim was feeling the same way; the phenomenon had a way of brainwashing you, making you forget all your worries, even for just a moment.

Plus, Kailim’s eyes glowed in this light.

Woah. Shane looked at the water then, before that thought could go any farther. The green jelly had already disappeared back into the depths of the ocean. Jas crawled into Kailim’s lap, reaching out for Shane’s hand. He hesitated, but let Jas hold on.

Kailim sat there as the moonlight jellies faded away, one by one sinking back into the blackness. The air was peaceful, chilly, quiet; all the things she associated with fall. Yardstick curled up at her side, and Jas began to doze in her arms.

Somewhere on the beach, a candle was lit, and just like that the spell cast by the jellyfish was broken. Voices murmured as everyone milled around the beach, looking for one last glow of a jellyfish.

Marnie took a sleeping Jas from Kailim. She looked like she had something to say, as she glanced between Kailim and Shane, but chose not to, and Kailim was thankful for it. Shane seemed to be well and truly relaxed for the moment; the longer he stayed that way, the better.

Eventually, her and Shane were the only ones on their dock; she still heard Sebastian and his friends somewhere down the beach. At the risk of ruining the silence, Kailim cleared her throat.

She had a plan. A stupid one, but a plan nonetheless.

“I wanted to say thanks again for getting everyone over to Holly Frost after that storm.”

Shane stared into the ocean. “Aunt Marnie called them.”

“You called Marnie,” Kailim pointed out. “Regardless, you seemed pretty exhausted after it all.”

That made Shane look at her out of the corner of his eye. Where was she going with this?

Kailim pressed on, anxiety blossoming in her chest. “But, you know, I meant what I said. You would get used to it after a while.”

If he looked her in the eye, she would have his full attention, which meant he would be fully invested when the disappointment eventually struck...but Yoba, he wanted to know where the hell she was going with this.

He sighed, tucking one leg under himself and turning to look at Kailim. “What are you talking about?”

Kailim ran a hand through her hair. This was by far worse than all the gift-giving combined. “What I’m saying is that I need help. On Holly Frost. Not always, just sometimes, like weekends.”

“I already have a job.”

“Not on the weekends.”

“You want me to give up what little free time I have?”

“So? You're not productive with it anyway.”

Ow. Okay, that hurt. He had to look back toward the sea to keep from snapping at her. Her words were harsh, but he knew that if she tiptoed around the comment, it would have been worse. At least Kailim had the balls to say it.

Shane thought back to the night after cleaning up Holly Frost. He had  _ hurt _ ; his muscles and joints weren’t used to that much manual labor and he was paying for it. But he also crashed the moment his head hit the pillow; hadn’t slept that well in a long time. Despite waking up sore, he also woke up rested.

“I’d pay you, of course.” Kailim said after a heavy silence. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “With fall coming, there’ll be plenty to do, not just busy work. Holidays off. Send you home with some of the harvest. And-”

“Okay.”

Neither of them spoke, too busy processing his response.

Eventually, the voices on the beach faded. Darkness crept over the sand, along the dock, bleeding back into Kailim’s peripheral vision. If she was gonna make her nighttime sprint home, she might as well do it now. Kailim hauled herself up, joints cracking, then offered Shane a helping hand.

She was surprised by the strength of the hand that grabbed hers as Shane rose. They walked side-by-side down the dock, across the beach, then over the bridge until they came to the intersection. Kailim turned north, to take the partially-lit route past the bus stop, and fully expected Shane to continue onward, towards Cindersap and the ranch. Instead, he turned with her.

“Ranch is that way,” Kailim said jokingly, pointing towards the dark forest.

“It’s dark this way,” was his answer, and they continued on down the street.

Kailim was thankful for the company. Yardstick made her feel a bit better, but nothing could replace the feeling of another human. The wind blew cold over Kailim’s bare arms, making her shiver.

“Here,” Shane muttered, holding out his Joja hoodie.

Kailim nearly tripped over the pavement. “Well, aren't you being a real gentleman,” she teased, and Shane grimaced. Even still, Kailim took the hoodie; it smelled nice, clean, like detergent.

Kailim bit back a laugh. That’s what was different about him; the damn hoodie was clean. He washed it.

Shane walked Kailim all the way to her front porch; she climbed the steps, then turned back as Yardstick scurried past her. “Next weekend, then? 7am, sharp?”

“Sounds good.” He watched her pull open the screen door, then the main door, letting Yardstick into the house.

“You can get home quicker if you follow the path back,” Kailim told him, pointing towards a cobblestone path that disappeared between bare fields. He took that as his cue and turned to leave.

“Hey, Shane?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not an easy boss, but I only have one rule.”

Shane had a feeling he knew what it was, but turned to watch her say it, just in case.

“Show up sober.”


	14. The First Day

The First Day

Kailim soon learned how fall transitioned in Stardew Valley. Spring to summer had been gradual, temperatures bouncing until they hit 100 and clung. Summer to fall, however, happened overnight, striking Kailim with fallen leaves cluttering her porch and crisp air tapping against the windows to be let in.

That first week saw the fields planted, sprinklers installed, and the foundation laid for a barn. Kailim never left Hollyfrost the whole week, despite multiple summons from Marnie, and even a dinner invitation from Grandma Evelyn; she took a raincheck on both. By Friday, the flower fields - her most ambitious project for the season - were sprouted with Fairy Roses and Sunflowers. Kailim didn’t believe the myth that the roses would attract fairies - maybe more of the Junimo sprites, if anything. No, the flowers were by request of Mayor Lewis, on behalf of Pelican Town. Grandma Evelyn always arranged flowers for the seasonal holidays, and the flowers she used often had to be imported from Zuzu City; if Kailim could provide local flowers, Pelican Town would be able to cut out Zuzu City altogether. Lewis and Kailim hashed out a price, then Kailim set aside an entire section of land between her house and the coop for flower and honey production.

So by the time Saturday rolled around, Kailim had damn near forgotten about her agreement with Shane. The only visible reminder was a bit of chicken scratch on the calendar by the TV that prompted Kailim to make two cups of coffee that morning, rather than one, and be dressed and semi-presentable well before sunrise.

To her surprise, Shane was on time. He strolled up from Marnie’s Ranch and was on her front porch by 6:55, looking haggard and sleep-deprived, but at least he was there. Kailim handed him his coffee, then leaned on the porch railing.

This had every potential to be awkward; she shouldn’t be trusted with employees, and thinking of Shane as such threatened to put her back into a Joja-like mindset. So instead, Kailim looked at the man next to her as an equal;  _ that _ kind of relationship she could handle.

“Come on,” Kailim started down the porch steps, “I’ll introduce you to the hens.”

Shane followed, wrapping his hands around the coffee mug for warmth. The sun hadn’t found Hollyfrost Farm yet, and the fall air was making him thankful he chose to wear jeans for once in his life; if only he could have found his damn hoodie this morning. Kailim stopped next to a pipe sticking out of the ground. Shane watched her torque on a handle at the top, then press her ear to the hose that ran from it. Past the fenceline, sprinklers kicked on, dousing over the crops, and Kailim smiled.

“Just got that installed,” she told him. “Bit late, but it saves a lot of time.”

They continued on to the coop, where they found Robin already hard at work on a rafter for the barn. She smiled when she saw Kailim. “Morning, Kailim...and Shane.” Robin squinted as if she wasn’t seeing things right.

“Think we’ll be expanding this fence,” Kailim told them both as she propped her coffee on a post, “to include the barn. Maybe section off this whole area for grazing.”

“How many animals are you going to have?” Shane asked. Both women turned to look at him, and he felt the need to justify his question. “For grazing. Since you don’t have as much land as the ranch, you have to think about how many animals.”

The input was unexpected. Kailim hadn’t considered that Shane would be knowledgeable in the animals Marnie raised. “Well, what about if we went to the cliff wall, used that as a natural fence? That’s a good five acres at least.”

“Three cows, four at the most,” Shane surveyed the land. Hollyfrost had grass that the cows could graze on, and a silo for feed in the winter months. “Any more and you’ll have to expand down to the river.”

“That’s a third of my land, Shane.”

“Then have three cows, four at most,” Shane said, taking a drink of coffee and shrugging. “Up to you.”

Kailim nodded, but didn’t respond. They left Robin to her work as Kailim rolled up the coop door. A chicken stuck its head out, squawked, then waddled into the chilly morning.

“How many do you have?” Shane asked while Kailim rifled through a chest at the side of the coop.

“Five, right now. That’s about all I can handle come winter,” Kailim said, then gestured to the chest. “You take care of Marnie’s chickens, I gather. Well, all your tools are in there, and I’ll get started on the fence.”

Part of Kailim wanted to hover as Shane swept out the coop, gathered the eggs, filled the feed trough, but that was the thing about asking for help; you trusted the other person to  _ give _ it to you. Kailim certainly gave a passing glance each time she went by with a fresh fence post hefted over her shoulder, but left Shane alone.

Shane wasn’t sure he deserved so much autonomy right off the bat, but took what Kailim was willing to give him. Besides, he knew his chickens; not only was this a job he could do, it was a job he liked.

And who was he to argue with the woman hauling fence posts like they were twigs?

“Where do you want the eggs?” Shane asked Kailim once the coop was spotless and the chickens were fed. A full basket of eggs weighed down his arm as he shut the tool chest.

Kailim glanced up from her pile of fence posts. She was counting, and lost count when he asked. “Damnit. Um...there’s a tray in the fridge in the house. Door’s unlocked.”

Despite having spent a night on her couch, Shane felt strange walking into Kailim’s home. He made the trip quick, taking care to close both doors behind him when the eggs were safe and sound. Meeting Kailim over at her pile of fence posts, he readied himself for their next task.

“Ever put up a fence?” She asked.

“Not really,” Shane confessed, eyeing the tools Kailim had gathered; a tape measure and two shovels.

“Well, you’re in luck,” Kailim handed him a shovel. “I’ve done two.”

That didn’t seem like a lot to Shane, but who was he to judge? Under Kailim’s guidance, they set to work on the fence. With a tape measure, Kailim marked out where a fence post would go and Shane came in behind her, digging a hole at each point. The soil turned up easy enough that he made quick work of the first hole and started on the second one by the time Kailim finished her job. 

Under a warm autumn sun, Kailim and Shane worked in focused silence. When one finished their hole, they leap-frogged ahead to start on the next. A job that would have taken Kailim the entire weekend took a handful of hours for the pair. Kailim wasn’t sure of the time when they dug the final hole, but the sun was nearly overhead. She wiped her brow as Shane threw his last shovelful of dirt to the side.

If Kailim was feeling sore, Shane had to be wrecked, but he showed no signs of exhaustion. “Having fun yet?” Kailim asked as she examined their handiwork.

Shane wouldn’t call the tightness in his muscles ‘fun’, but he wasn’t bored, either. This wasn’t like manual labor at Joja Mart, where his feet hurt and his back rebelled every time he bent over. Instead, this exercise spread all over in an even, deep warmth that couldn’t possibly be just from the sun. Shane knew he would be suffering tomorrow, but a clear sense of purpose made the pain worth it.

No way he would tell Kailim all of that. “What’s next?” he asked, following her back towards the chicken coop.

“How about a fresh snack first?” Kailim suggested, pulling a basket from the tool chest.

Shane wasn’t sure what she meant but was willing to follow along. Kailim hopped over the fence line to the fields, into a section with grapes and...Shane wasn’t quite sure.

“What is this?” He leaned against the fence. Kailim squatted down and pulled back the thick foliage of a mystery bush to reveal bunches of cranberries. “Didn’t know they grew like that.”

“It’s a wild, hardy variety, so it holds up to the wind,” Kailim pulled a berry off and tossed it in an arc towards him. “Catch!”

Shane didn’t even manage to get his mouth open; the cranberry smacked him square between the eyes and rolled off into the drainage ditch. Kailim laughed, a hand covering her grin. Despite the blossoming irritation, Shane found himself with a small smile as well, shaking his head. Now with more warning, Kailim tossed another cranberry and Shane caught it, face twisting with the tartness of the berry.

“Hell, people eat those raw?” he stuck his tongue out, trying to shake off the taste.

“Not normal people,” Kailim said as she popped a handful of cranberries into her mouth. She filled her basket with berries, then a large cluster of grapes. Balancing the basket on a flat fence post, Kailim propped herself on the top rung and patted the spot next to her. In a much less graceful manner, Shane climbed up next to her.

“I’m not very good at taking lunch breaks,” Kailim confessed, picking at the grapes before she passed them to Shane. 

“Don’t really get them over at Joja Mart,” Shane confessed. “Five minutes, maybe.”

“Ah, so it’s company policy, then,” Kailim chuckled, but this time there was no mirth. “I hoped maybe it was just my department.”

“Heard you worked for them,” Shane said. Kailim braced for the oncoming question.

The question never came. Instead, Shane ate a grape, then tried another cranberry and had much the same reaction as his first one. Realizing a question was never going to come, Kailim let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and felt the tension in her shoulders ease.

After lunch, Kailim and Shane returned to the fence. Kailim lifted the fence posts into the holes while Shane filled in around them, packing the dirt down tight. They both worked to balance the horizontal slats between the posts, but after the first section was done, the fence became a lot more stable for working on. Again, not much was said, but Kailim’s thoughts kept her busy enough. Of course Shane wouldn’t ask about her job at Joja; that wasn’t his nature. And she wouldn’t have answered if he asked. Why, then, was she so stuck in the moment?

It surprised Shane how easily they worked together. Despite having never put up a fence before, Kailim made the task seem straightforward. There were probably a dozen small mistakes he was making; despite the difficulty of screwing up putting dirt in a hole, Shane knew he was. However, Kailim never gave him a direct correction, instead leading by example, showing him how to pack the dirt evenly so pockets of air wouldn’t form, or how to ensure that the post was straight without a level. The task seemed to come almost naturally to Kailim, but she never jumped ahead of him, always waiting patiently while he finished up.

They finished placing the posts and slats just as the sun began to sink past the treeline and the air forced their jackets back on. Kailim inspected the new fence while Shane put the tools away.

“It looks good,” Kailim told Shane. They both leaned on the fence to rest. “If I’m being honest, this was my only plan for the weekend. Might not have anything to do tomorrow.” There was always something to do, but this was more a test for Shane. If he didn’t want to come back, she wouldn’t force him.

Shane shoved his hands into his pockets against the chilly air. “I’m up for anything.”


	15. Putting Yourself Out There

Putting Yourself Out There

Fall chores sure involved a lot of axes. Or maybe that was just Kailim's fall chores. Either way, Shane found himself sore at the end of another long weekend on Hollyfrost Farm.

They had fallen into a routine over the last few weekends. Shane showed up and by the time he took care of the chicken coop, Kailim had their coffee ready and was perched on the fence.

"Ready?" She always asked, without fail. He had tried shrugging in answer a few times but soon got the message when Kailim didn't budge from her seat, still waiting.

"Yeah. Let's go." Only then would she hop down and their day would start in earnest.

Shane and Kailim didn't always work together. Sometimes she set Shane up with his own task and left, trusting him to get the job done. At first, the autonomy felt weird; this wasn't his house, his land. If he messed up, it was on him, sure, but it also affected Kailim and Hollyfrost. That was the part that made him nervous. 

She kept asking him back, though, so he must not have fucked anything up too royally.

Even though Shane was only there on weekends, he had gotten used to the habits and rhythms of Hollyfrost Farm. The consistency was...new. Nice, Shane supposed. Nice to always have a cup of coffee waiting in the mornings. Nice to see the hens before any humans. Nice to watch the sunrise, sometimes on his own, sometimes with Kailim on the fence next to him. 

These weekends made his own weekdays depressing by comparison.

Shane still slaved away at Joja Mart, then spent his evenings at the Stardrop Saloon, staring deeply into a beer. But at least on the weekends he could pretend that half of him didn't exist. The hard work was exhausting, but kept the thirst from getting too unbearable until Monday rolled around and the cycle began again.

And if the work ever wasn't enough to distract him, Kailim certainly was.

Shane shook his head, realizing that Kailim had already moved on to put their tools away, and there he was, enjoying the view as she walked by.

That weekend, Shane and Kailim had gone after the massive oak tree from the infamous summer rainstorm. With the help of Old Red, Darius, and Robin, the tree had been dragged onto the bank of the river shortly after the storm, but Kailim hadn't gotten around to chopping it until now.

After a long day of work, an organized pile of firewood was now stacked behind Kailim's house, ready for use throughout the winter. Kailim offered to send some of the firewood home with Shane, but the sense of accomplishment he felt was rewarding enough; Kailim's smile as she leaned on her axe to stare at the firewood was just a bonus.

"Come on," Kailim turned toward the fields, "we have a strategy to discuss."

Shane had no clue what Kailim was referring to. They settled onto the top rail of a fence, looking out over the lush autumn fields. To their left, Kailim’s prized Fairy Roses and Sunflowers were almost ready to bloom. Yardstick ran past, chasing after a chicken that had wandered too far from the coop. A chilly wind ran between them, and Kailim shivered.

"What are you strategizing?" Shane finally asked.

"We," Kailim clarified. "The grange display for the Fair. What are we putting in it?"

We? He didn’t hear her right. “Uh...”

“What does everyone usually put in the displays?”

Shane was still trying to catch up to this concept of 'we' that Kailim had just introduced. “Well, Pierre has a lot of produce. Willy does fish. Aunt Marnie has cheese, eggs, that kind of thing. I think I’m forgetting someone, but - why do you care?”

Kailim bristled at the question. “I’m proud of what Hollyfrost has become. I want to show the best side of her.”

Shane blinked. He knew Kailim well enough to know that there had to be more.

“Okay, fine,” Kailim rolled her eyes. “Pierre made some snide remark about how he  _ always _ wins and I wanna knock him down a peg. But I have no idea what I’m up against.”

Shane chuckled as they hopped down from the fence. “Sounds about right. Aunt Marnie has been trying to beat him for years.”

They wandered between rows of pumpkins, Kailim kneeling every so often to knock on the produce, pressing her ear close to check for ripeness. “What do you think we should do?”

There was that ‘we’ again. If she kept saying it, their companionship might go to his head, and that would be a big disappointment for them both. “Do whatever you want.”

Kailim stopped walking, tilting her head at Shane. He knew if he looked at her, he’d be caught in a piercing gaze that saw all, so he resorted to nudging at a pumpkin with his foot. 

“Sorry,” she said, and when he dared to glance over, he saw that she was focused on a pumpkin as well. “I’m just nervous, because, sure,  _ I’m _ proud of Hollyfrost, but...”

But what about the rest of the world. Shane knew the feeling too well. Kailim suddenly looked...tiny, like she had during the storm. Unsure of herself, which was stupid; there was plenty to be proud of on Hollyfrost, and she had no reason to doubt what she was doing. And, much like that stormy evening, Shane didn’t know what to do, what to say to make it better, but he knew he wanted to try.

“Everyone focuses on one thing for their displays, but the farm isn’t just one thing,” he said, not trusting the words as they tumbled from his mouth. “Maybe that’s what you - what  _ we _ should do, then. Show them the best of  _ everything _ . Flowers, honey, crops, eggs, maybe some stuff you’ve brewed, or things you found in the mines.”

Kailim was quiet. She had to be thinking how stupid his idea was; it sounded cliche out loud, like he was trying to suck up.

“Will you pick out the eggs?”

A chill ran down Shane’s back, probably from the wind, or maybe it was from the honest smile that crinkled Kailim’s eyes as she gazed up at him. In his surprise, all he could manage was a stiff nod.

“Thank you,” Kailim said as they continued their walk down the row of pumpkins. “You know, when you put it that way, Pierre doesn’t seem so unbeatable.”

Shane shrugged. “Don’t worry so much,” a breath in, to steel himself, “we’ve got this.”


	16. The Stardew Valley Fair

The Stardew Valley Fair

Shane’s phone vibrated in his pocket the morning of the Stardew Valley Fair. He was helping Marnie load her items for the grange display into her truck, and slammed the bed door closed before checking the message.

_ Kailim: I’m tied up helping Evelyn with the flowers. Can you stop by the house and grab the grange items? _

_ Shane: Where are they _

_ Kailim: In a crate just inside the door. Should be everything. _

_ Shane: Okay _

_ Kailim: Thank you :) _

“Can we swing by the farm on our way in?” Shane asked Marnie as she came out of the house, holding a basket of eggs. “Kailim needs some stuff for her display.”

“‘Course,” Marnie said. Jas bounced into the truck behind Marnie, and Shane climbed into the passenger seat. As they rolled up the small back road toward Hollyfrost, Marnie shot Shane a sideways glance. “So, it’s going well?”

“What?”

“Working for Kailim.”

“I guess so.”

“Looks like it’s going well.”

Shane pinched the bridge of his nose. Even if he knew what Marnie was getting at, he wouldn’t care. If anything, she was probably glad the two jobs kept him out of the house all the time.

At Hollyfrost, Shane took the stairs two at a time, then pulled out the spare key Kailim kept hidden in a flowerpot. Sure enough, the grange items were just inside the door. Locking the door behind him, Shane climbed back into the truck.

“She has a spare key to the house?” Marnie asked.

“Yeah.”

“So _ you _ have a spare key?”

Shane flat out ignored Marnie that time. He knew better than to open his mouth and crawl right into the local rumor mill.

Despite the early hour, the bus from Zuzu City was already dropping off visitors. The Stardew Valley Fair was a quaint tradition for many people from The City, and turnout was always crowded. Shane usually hid over by the animal pens to avoid any unnecessary socialization. This time he didn’t think that was going to be an option.

When they parked next to Old Red, Shane was the first to hop out. He stacked three of Marnie’s boxes, then threw Kailim’s on top.

“Can you really carry all of that, Shane?” Jas asked him, staring wide-eyed.

“‘Bout to find out,” he muttered, hoisting the boxes up. They weren’t _ that _ heavy. Shane parted the throng of bodies, past the midway games and prize table, finding Kailim talking to Evelyn in front of two empty display tables.

When Kailim spotted him, she let all the tension fall from her shoulders. “Oh, thank Yoba, Shane. I can’t believe I forgot this, I was so worried about getting the flowers to Evelyn in time. Thank you so much.”

Shane shrugged, handing Kailim her box. He set the other boxes down on Marnie’s table, then turned to see what Kailim had chosen for her display.

_ Their _ display, he reminded himself.

A jar of fairy rose honey from the beehives; a diamond from the mines; a pumpkin, preserved cranberries, and a sweet gem berry from the fields; wild mushrooms, plums; finally, wrapped up in a thick rag, three eggs that she set right in the center of the table.

Shane gave a low whistle upon seeing her haul. “Damn,” he said. Pierre, standing proudly at the table next to theirs, risked a glance over and Shane could have sworn he saw fear flash in the man’s eyes. He chuckled, leaning down to whisper to Kailim, “You have Pierre running scared.”

Instead of shivering - from the chilly air, she told herself - Kailim gestured proudly to the centerpiece. “You picked some nice eggs, Shane.”

“I chose nicer ones for Marnie,” he said. Kailim snapped her head around, and he had to smirk to let her know he was kidding. She shoved him as Marnie joined them, a wheel of cheese in her arms and Jas in tow.

“Thank you for carrying those, Shane,” Marnie said as she began arranging her items - jars of milk, blocks of cheese, and a set of eggs that looked _ okay-ish _ next to Kailim’s. “I’m impressed. Farm work is doing you some good.”

Oh. _ That’s _ what Marnie meant earlier. Shane felt stronger, sure, but didn’t see much of a physical change. Then again, he rarely looked at himself in the mirror, and when he did, it usually wasn’t in the most flattering conditions. Kailim didn’t say anything, and Shane swallowed some mild disappointment.

“Need anything else?” Shane asked Kailim as Marnie turned her full attention toward the grange display.

Kailim shook her head, smiling. “Shane, we’re not working today. Besides, the judging isn’t for a little while. Go enjoy yourself.”

Kailim _ wanted _ Shane to enjoy himself; he deserved a day off. She watched him wander toward the animal pens and found herself agreeing with Marnie’s earlier statement. Shane’s shoulders - already broad and built - had more definition to them, and it wasn’t just his lack of a hoodie that was making her say that. She actually hadn’t seen that hoodie in a while-

“Kailim!”

She turned to the voice, surprised to find Alex gesturing her over to the midway. She joined him at the strong man machine; the hammer for the game was already in his hands.

“Ready to watch me kill it?” he asked, grinning ear to ear.

“Yeah, sure.”

“What do I get if I hit the top?”

Kailim didn’t miss the suggestion in his words and raised her eyebrows. “I’m sure Haley is around here somewhere.”

Alex hauled the hammer over his head suddenly and brought it down on the stone plate. A loud bell rang out over the crowd.

“I didn’t agree to anything,” Kailim said as Alex handed the hammer back to the game operator. He laughed and led them to the food court, where Gus was grilling something that smelled _ delicious _.

“No, but now you’ll be thinking about it, right?”

Kailim didn’t answer. His bravado made her curious, more than anything; surely all that confidence had to be hiding something. Would it be so bad to find out what?

Shane watched Kailim disappear into the crowd with Alex. Admittedly, he was a bit surprised - Kailim was better than the jock in so many ways, but maybe that was her type. Maybe he had her pegged wrong. Maybe, like so many other times, he had his hopes up for no reason.

“Hi, Shane!” Shane turned around to see Emily, blue hair and all, smiling at him. She was sitting next to the cow pen, reaching through the fence to pet a calf. “Helped Marnie set up her display yet?”

“Uh, yeah, got it all ready.”

“I heard you’re working for the farmer, now.” Emily stood up, dusting off her dress.

“Just weekends,” he answered. This was weird. Emily was nice to him, sure. She always made small talk when she was bartending at the Saloon, and waved to him when they passed on the street. But this conversation felt...different.

“It shows.”

Shane couldn’t help it when his mouth dropped open and his eyebrows shot up. _ Oh _. Huh. That was...new. “Thanks.”

“Wanna grab something to eat? I don’t think Gus made anything vegetarian, but worth a look.”

If Shane thought about this too hard, he was gonna have a headache. Instead, he nodded and followed Emily to the food court.

Gus had made a salad - mostly wild forage, but Emily seemed excited - and Shane made up a burger. He met Emily back in the middle of the crowd, swiveling his head for a place to sit. Damn, this was a lot of people.

“Oh, there’s Kailim and Alex!” Emily said, and before Shane could grab her, she was weaving for their table.

Crap. Crashing Kailim’s date was not what he wanted to do. That was weird, made it look like he was watching her, or cared what she did off the farm. Maybe he could still go back to the animal pen and share his burger with the chickens.

Emily waved him down, and Shane found himself joining their table.

“So the grange display went well?” Emily was asking Kailim as he scooted onto the bench. Alex gave him a ‘sup’ nod, and Shane briefly returned it.

“We’ll find out soon,” Kailim said. “Shane and I picked the best stuff we have.”

That’s when Shane realized everyone was looking to him for a comment, and he shrugged. “I just chose the eggs.”

“Shane’s my animal specialist,” Kailim bragged, grinning at him.

“I have a title?” he asked, and it was hard not to smile back.

“Partner, animal specialist, same thing.”

Alex cleared his throat, and Shane suddenly remembered they weren’t alone. It was so easy to pretend like they were, though, just like on Hollyfrost.

“I wish we had more space at the house for a garden,” Emily confessed after a brief silence. “It must feel good to grow your own food.”

“Keeps you in shape, at least,” Alex added, winking at Kailim. Kailim ducked her head; if she was uncomfortable or just modest, Shane couldn’t tell, but he bristled at Alex’s words regardless.

With all his focus on Kailim, Shane nearly missed Emily’s playful nudge. “Does the same for you,” she told him. For the second time that day, Shane felt his jaw go slack. How long had it been since he’d been hit on? The words made him squirm; not unwanted, just unfamiliar, is what he told himself.

“Kailim, Shane!” Just in time, Jas came bouncing up to the table, tugging on their sleeves. The child unknowingly shattered the awkward silence. “Mayor Lewis just judged the displays! Come on!”

“I’ll...” Kailim shook her head, standing, almost tripping over the picnic table to get out. “Um, yeah. Coming, Jas!”

Jas ran ahead, weaving through the crowd much easier than Kailim and Shane. When they reached the town square, Mayor Lewis was already handing out ribbons and star tokens.

“In third place, Marnie,” Lewis handed Marnie a red ribbon, giving her hand an extra squeeze that didn’t go amiss to Kailim. The crowd clapped politely. Standing next to Marnie was Willie, a fourth-place ribbon round his neck. Pierre bounced eagerly in the crowd, his hands empty of a ribbon and a confident, smug look in his eye. Kailim wanted nothing more than to knock the expression off his cocky little face.

“Nervous?” Shane asked her.

Kailim shook her head. “Nah, we’ve got this.”

The way her hands shook told Shane she was lying, but he didn’t correct her.

“And in second place, our very own...” Mayor Lewis paused, “Pierre!”

“Oh...” Kailim’s eyes widened. “_ Oh _. Wait! Oh!” She jumped, turned to Shane, then threw her arms around his neck in a sudden hug.

It took Shane a full three seconds to register what Kailim was doing, and by that point, she had let go and Lewis was handing her a large blue ribbon proclaiming ‘1st Place’. Kailim was warm, her arms strong, and he felt cold where she had been pressed against him.

“We did it!” She gave another small jump, then handed the ribbon to Shane.

He dodged the offering. “Woah, that’s all yours.”

“Yeah, but...” Kailim hesitated, then shook her head. “How about we hang it up in the chicken coop?”

That seemed like a good place for it, but before Shane could tell her so, a pair of arms wrapped around Kailim from behind and scooped her up. “Not bad, farm girl!” Alex said, and Kailim even laughed as he put her down.

Shane smiled, even as Emily appeared next to him and they all began discussing ways to celebrate. It felt good to dethrone Pierre, sure, but watching the relief wash over Kailim left Shane speechless. He wanted more of that; more smiles and relieved hugs.

“Shane?” Emily squeezed his hand, and the world snapped back into focus. “Coming?” She gestured to the midway; Kailim and Alex were already halfway there.

Right. Kailim and Alex. He had to remember that. “Yeah, right behind you.”

/*/

The sun had begun to set on The Stardew Valley Fair. Kailim helped Marnie pack up her display, settling her things carefully into the crate. Shane grabbed what he could and they made their way through the thinning crowds.

“Congratulations on the win, Kailim,” Marnie said as they loaded her truck up. “Not bad for your first year.”

Kailim blushed. “I couldn’t have done it without Shane.” Next to them, Shane slid Kailim’s things into Old Red. A small smile quirked up the side of his mouth.

“Of course. You did good, Shane,” Marnie nodded, lifting Jas, who was already dozing, into her truck.

“Kailim...” Jas yawned, blinking sleepy eyes open. “Can we dress up for Spirit’s Eve?”

Kailim laughed as Marnie buckled Jas in. “Already thinking ahead, huh? Sure, Jas.”

Marnie climbed into the cab, turning to Shane. “Need a ride home? Or gonna stop by the Saloon?”

“I’ll take him home,” Kailim offered. “We need to celebrate.”

Marnie nodded, squinting at Kailim as she started up her truck. “Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Kailim waved as Marnie pulled away, then hopped up onto the tailgate of Old Red. “We don’t have to celebrate,” Kailim told him. “I can just take you home, leave you to it, whatever.”

After a long moment of thought, Shane sat down next to her. “How do you suggest?”

Rather than answer, Kailim pulled the blue ribbon out of her pocket. “I meant it,” she offered it to Shane for the second time that day, “I really couldn’t have done this without you. Not just helping me on the weekends, but also everything with the storm. I don’t think I could have recovered from that on my own.”

“You could have,” he mumbled, really wishing he had his hoodie for some pockets. His hands were freezing.

“Shane,” Kailim ducked her head, catching his eye.

And there it was: the gaze that read him like a book, flipping through his pages. What disappointing story would she read this time?

Deep down behind Shane’s eyes, she saw a light flicker, just for a moment before he turned away. That made all the difference. Now, Kailim knew for certain that there was something there, some small part of Shane that could be seen in brief glimpses and that she wanted to see more of.

“Take it,” Kailim laid the ribbon in his lap, sliding off the tailgate. “I know how we’re gonna celebrate.”

/*/

Kailim stood back, hammer in hand, gazing proudly at their handiwork.

“It’s crooked,” Shane said. 

Kailim laughed over her shoulder. “Good, adds to the charm.”

One of the hens squawked at the ribbon, now hanging over the feed trough. Kailim and Shane left the chickens to their rest, heading towards the house. Shane knew he should be leaving. He had work tomorrow; it was late. But no part of him wanted to leave yet, to go back home to ‘real life’. 

“Cold?” Kailim asked him as she turned on the porch light. Darkness was falling fast, but the light, and Shane, made it slightly more bearable.

“No, I’m good.”

Kailim smiled, turning the lock on the door. “Take a seat, then. I’ve got just the thing.”

Kailim slipped into the house, pulled a bottle from the fridge, a set of glasses, and two blankets from the couch. Yardstick slipped past her out the door when she returned to Shane.

“Hey, little guy,” Shane laughed as Yardstick bounced into his lap, wiggling with excitement.

“Here,” Kailim handed Shane the blanket and a glass, settling in on the steps across from him. “You know you’re a bad liar?” she said as he wrapped the blanket around his shoulders.

“What’s in the bottle?” he asked, surprised - he thought Kailim had made her feelings on alcohol clear - but hopeful.

“I’ve been trying something new. Juice with natural carbonation.” Kailim popped the cork, the drink fizzing out and into Shane’s glass. “What should we toast to?”

“I picked last time,” Shane said.

Kailim poured a helping for herself. “How about...to winning? And,” she chuckled, “to career paths that pan out.”

Shane could drink to at least one of those things. They clinked glasses. The juice was...surprising. Fizzy, like a Joja Cola, but didn’t leave a sickly sweet aftertaste in your mouth afterward. Kailim might be onto something here.

“It's really good, Kailim,” he told her.

“Don’t sound so surprised,” she teased. She fidgeted, took another drink, then sighed and patted Yardstick on the head. That toast had her thinking about too many things all at once, past, present, and future. “How long have you worked for Joja?”

Shane shook his head. The drink in his hand wasn’t beer, and he wasn’t drunk enough for this conversation. This wasn’t the place to think about Joja or the monotony he would have to return to tomorrow. “I honestly couldn’t tell you. The days bleed together.”

“I get that. Happened a lot at the office.”

“A shelf stocker is probably a bit different than a plush, corporate job,” Shane pointed out.

Kailim frowned because he _ should _ be right. But he wasn’t. “I was a career counselor. I guided new entries up the corporate ladder. You’d be surprised how mind-numbing that became.”

Shane sighed. Maybe she did get it, at least a little bit. “I just...” he felt the words rising in his throat, bottlenecking, like if he said them here then this little paradise wouldn’t exist anymore. “I hate it there. Morris is a real shitty guy, just yells all the time. It’s like this dark abyss I have to crawl into every fucking day and somehow come out of as if it never happened. I never wanna go back, you know?”

Kailim bit her lip. She was about to make a rash decision, and there wasn’t even any alcohol involved. “Shane, I’m about to tell you something that would have previously gotten me fired.”

He gave her a sideways look. “Okay.”

“_ Don’t _.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t go back. It’s not worth it.”

He scoffed. “So, what? I quit my job and spend my weekdays being a disappointment?”

“Spend them here.”

An owl cooed off in the distance. Kailim could hear their drinks fizzing. Yardstick yawned. 

Shane stared into his drink. She didn’t mean it. “You don’t want me around that much.”

“I do, though. Winter is coming, which means crunch time. There’s always something to do. And...you keep coming back each weekend; I thought that meant maybe you were enjoying it.” Kailim sighed, setting her glass down. “Look, I’m not forcing you. But, if you ever want it, the job is yours. I wouldn’t trust anyone else.”

This hadn’t been how she wanted to offer Shane a full-time job. Kailim needed the help _ now _, though, if she was going to be ready for the snow and ice to come. Winter could be hard in the Valley, or so she heard from Robin and Marnie. A second pair of hands wouldn’t only be nice, it would be necessary.

And maybe, just maybe, when the snow started falling and blocked Hollyfrost Farm from the rest of the world...maybe having a friend around would be a distraction from the memories that were sure to come. Kailim didn’t want to be alone when her nightmares started rearing their ugly heads once again.

That was months away, though. Kailim stood, gathering their cups and blankets. “The offer stands if - or when - you want it. No rush.”

Finally, Shane got up, sighed, opened his mouth, then stopped to look out at Hollyfrost; over the darkened fields and rambling fencelines. Would it be so bad to stay here? To work up the courage and...change? Despite the monotony of day-to-day that sickened him, there was also a twisted comfort in always knowing what would happen next.

“Night,” he mumbled, trudging off down the path to Marnie’s.

That wasn’t a ‘no’, but it wasn’t a ‘yes’. Kailim didn’t get her hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every fic has a chapter that's a struggle to write. This was that chapter.


	17. Full-Time Change

Full-Time Change

Kailim didn’t sleep well that night, or couldn’t. She rolled out of bed later than usual, coffee in hand and face buried in a jean coat to ward off the cold. The fields would have maybe another two weeks in them before the frost took over. For now, the sun still melted the ice that formed in sheets over her crops.

Kailim kicked herself; she was running late, and with so much to do today. As she hurried toward the chicken coop, she could already hear the bang of Robin’s hammer as the carpenter laid the last shingles over the barn roof. A chicken wandered to the fenceline, pecking at the dirt, and Kailim groaned. Shit, she had forgotten to close the door last night. Angry chickens meant no eggs, and no eggs meant that today was off to an even rougher start than normal. Hopping over the fence, Kailim set her coffee down on a post and threw the coop door open for the morning chores--

\--running smack into Shane. Kailim yelped, bracing herself against the doorframe. “Fucking Yoba, Shane! Scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry,” he muttered. “And sorry I’m late. I had to turn in my uniform this morning.”

“Your...” and then Kailim’s brain shook off the last particles of sleep and realized that today was Wednesday, not Saturday or Sunday, and that meant Shane would usually be at JojaMart right now unless he-- “Really?”

“Uh, yeah,” he went back to sweeping the coop, “Joja charges an arm and a leg if you don’t turn those back in.”

Kailim laughed, stepping back out into the cold morning. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad. “You smartass. Meet me in the flowers when you’re done.”

The Stardew Valley Fair had reaped the majority of Kailim’s flower field, but a few rows of late-blooming sunflowers and fairy roses still stood tall. The bees had already settled down into their hives for winter, so Kailim thought now was as good a time as any to pull the flowers for drying.

Kailim and her basket were finishing the first row when Shane joined them. She handed him a knife, then showed him how to cut the flower stems on an angle without nicking yourself. Together, they moved through the remaining flowers. The fairy roses perfumed the air with their strong scent. Kailim bent her head to breathe deeply, taking in the sweet smell of a pink rose.

It was then that she heard, over the rustling of a gentle wind and the hammering of Robin on the barn roof, the sound of an engine coming up the road. Both she and Shane swiveled to watch Marnie’s truck pull onto Hollyfrost.

Shane’s heart sank. He had thought that maybe Marnie wouldn’t hear about his quitting until  _ later _ when he could explain himself in full. This - being paid to stand in the middle of an autumnal flower field - didn’t even feel real yet. How could he possibly explain it?

“Shane!” her voice boomed out over the farm, the truck door slamming behind her. “Shane Michael!”

The tapping of Robin’s hammer stopped suddenly.

“You didn’t tell Marnie?!” Kailim hissed.

“I was gonna. You know...later.”

Marnie stopped at the fence line, climbing onto the lowest rung so she could glare at them over the sunflowers. “What were you thinking? How did this seem like a good idea? Quitting the one good thing you had going - so rude, too! And you,” she pointed an accusing finger at Kailim, “harboring him here! Letting him hide-”

“Marnie!” Kailim shouted. “Quit yelling at my employee!”

“Your weekend warrior over here quit his job, Kailim!”

“I know! I told him to!”

Marnie froze in her tirade, narrowing her eyes at Kailim. “You better have a good reason, Kailim.”

“Well if you stopped yelling for five fucking seconds, you would hear the reason.”

Marnie crossed her arms, waiting. Kailim glanced over at Shane. She didn’t want to put words in his mouth, but someone had to stand up for him.

Shane was still sorting his thoughts out. Marnie was right, this was a dumb decision. Maybe if he begged, Morris would let Shane come back out of pity. He opened his mouth to cave, to agree, then looked over at Kailim. Past the sunflowers and fairy roses, her bright eyes blinked at him, waiting patiently. “I wasn’t happy there, Aunt Marnie,” Shane confessed, the words tumbling out. “It wasn’t helping with anything that I’m...dealing with.”

“Shane,” Marnie took a deep breath, climbing down off the fence. “Shane, I respect that. I want you to be happy. But what are you gonna do? You have to have a plan.”

Shane looked to Kailim, and she was quick to provide support. “He didn’t just up and leave, Marnie. He left because I offered him a full-time job.”

Marnie fell quiet. Her eyes darted between the two of them until she sighed, turning away with a dismissive wave of her hand. Shane waited to speak until Aunt Marnie was in her truck and backing away from Hollyfrost.

“Sorry,” he said. “I thought she wouldn’t hear.”

Kailim laughed, returning a fallen rose to her basket. “You know how the rumor mill runs.”

Shane appreciated how easily Kailim took the interruption. Robin’s hammer resumed its work on the barn roof. Another sunflower stalk fell to Shane’s knife and Hollyfrost Farm immersed back into a steady rhythm, sweeping away any heated words that would have otherwise hung over Shane’s head for the rest of the day.

“She’ll come around,” Kailim told Shane later as they sat on her front porch, a ball of twine and several baskets of flowers between them. After harvest, Kailim showed Shane how to tie the flowers so they could be hung upside down for drying. His fingers had turned raw with the rough twine an hour ago.

“Maybe. I can’t blame her, though. I haven’t exactly  _ had _ a plan up to this point.” He cut another sunflower head, then set to braiding it into his current plait. “Just one disappointment after another.”

“I think you’re doing better,” Kailim said. “Wouldn’t have hired you otherwise.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh, and while I’m thinking about it...” Kailim tied a firm knot in a set of roses, then stood to hang it from the eaves of the porch. “Michael?”

Shane groaned. “It’s a family name.”

“No, no, it sounds good! Honest!” Kailim laughed, dodging the sunflower he threw at her. Shane was chuckling, though. Kailim would avoid as many projectiles as necessary if it meant lightening his mood even a little.

By sunset, all the flowers were braided and the farmhouse looked like an inverted florist shop, inside and out. Kailim asked Shane to close up the chickens on his way home. Today hadn’t been physically taxing, but if her brain needed a break then his probably did too, so an early finish would do them both good. Before turning in, though, she wanted to see how Robin was getting on.

The carpenter was nowhere to be seen when Kailim entered the barnyard. Kailim walked the perimeter of the barn, admiring Robin’s handiwork. Looked like all of the shingles were on, so in theory...

Kailim ran into Robin back in the barnyard where she was packing up her tools for the night. “I’m proud to present your brand new barn!” Robin declared with a grand flourish.

“Thanks, Robin,” Kailim hugged her. “It’ll come in handy for spring.”

“Planning on getting a few calves, then?”

“That’s the hope,” Kailim said as Robin zipped up her toolbag. “So...who’s coming to get you?”

“I’ll be alright,” Robin insisted.

“That’s not how this works. I’ll warm up Old Red.”

By the time they rolled up to Robin’s house, the sun had almost completely set behind the mountains. Kailim put Old red into idle, but Robin made no move to get out.

Kailim didn’t know enough about Robin and Demetrius to comment on their marriage, but she knew Robin and knew that Robin didn’t deserve to be passed over. “You know,” Kailim turned off the headlights, “I came out here because I wasn’t happy in the City. And I’m sure you heard that Shane quit his job at Joja today because he wasn’t happy.”

“It’s good you took him in,” Robin said.

Kailim wouldn’t let her change the subject. “Point is, change is good. Sometimes that means moving to a new town or quitting a job. Sometimes it’s a simple as speaking up, being honest.”

“He’s just busy, is all,” Robin whispered. 

“Not too busy for you.”

Robin took in a long, deep breath, then grabbed her toolbag from the floor. Kailim feared she had pushed too far. This wasn’t her business. As she hopped out of Old Red, Robin glanced back at Kailim with a small, tired smile. “A career counselor, you said?”

Kailim shrugged. She hadn’t counseled anyone after her last Joja client; she didn’t deserve to counsel anyone after that client. How long ago had that been? Nearly a year, last winter...

“Thanks, Kailim. For everything.”

Watching Robin head inside after a long, tiring day, Kailim allowed herself to think, just for a moment, that maybe she hadn’t lost her touch.

/*/

Shane was tired in the way that made his whole body feel like a lead brick. As he turned the door to the ranch house, all he hoped for was a clear path to his room.

Inside, the only light came from the sitting room where a fire burned, casting dancing shadows across the floor. He shut the door quietly, tiptoeing across to the kitchen.

“You’re happy? On Hollyfrost, I mean,” Marnie asked from the sitting room.

Shane sighed. Taking her earlier onslaught had been hard enough; he wasn’t up for round two. But just as he began to form a barbed response, an image of him and Kailim sat on the porch, stacks of braided flowers between them came to mind, and he couldn’t stop a small smile that lifted his exhausted mood upwards. “Yeah.”

“Good. That’s good,” he heard shuffling, then a flare of light as another log was thrown on the fire. “I’m happy for you, Shane.”

For the first time in a very, very long time, Shane was pretty sure he was happy too.


	18. Spirit's Eve

Spirit's Eve

“Absolutely not,” Shane grumbled, staring Kailim down. She was dressed like a scarecrow - ripped jeans, loose button-up shirt, bright red lips peeking out from beneath a straw hat - and a stubborn scarecrow at that. Behind Kailim, Jas let out a whine.

“Come on, Uncle Shane!” Jas tugged on Kailim’s loose sleeve. “I wanna go!”

Shane had planned on spending his day off knee-deep in a case of beer. Everyone was supposed to be gone in the evening at the Spirit’s Eve festival; seemed like a good opportunity to catch up on his drinking. Working at Kailim’s kept a drink from his hands most nights - he was usually too exhausted to even think about beer. Even still, the craving was there, along with the knowledge that his attempts at not drinking were culminating into a disappointment. He felt the need growing and hated himself for it.

Kailim spotted the six-pack behind Shane and felt her heart sink. She knew the drinking hadn’t stopped, just lessened, but she held out hope that maybe it would, one day. Thinking back to the Fair, Kailim tried a new tactic. “Emily is gonna be there.”

Shane squinted. He and Emily’s friendship hadn’t gone unnoticed by Pelican Town. Sure, she talked to him more at the saloon now, and they caught up outside occasionally, but there was nothing in their relationship that warranted Kailim’s suggestive tone.

“I like her hair,” Jas said, tugging at the fairy wings on her back.

Shane groaned. “Fine, but I’m not dressing up.”

“Oh, yes, you are,” Kailim laughed, handing him a folded t-shirt. “Go change.”

The shirt was one of those novelty shirts with a suit and tie printed on the front. Hardly dressing up, but it was about all Shane could manage. Even still, he felt silly as the girls dragged him into town.

Jas was quick to find superhero-Vincent in the crowd and ran off. Up the hill, Kailim could see a hedge maze that Wizard Rasmodius had set up. Supposedly there was a golden pumpkin hidden at the end, but Kailim wasn’t feeling all that thrilled at the idea of a dark maze. If it wasn’t for Jas, she would have probably spent the evening locked away on Hollyfrost, but the little girl had a sharp memory even in her sleep.

“Are you gonna brave the maze?” Kailim asked Shane as they milled about at the buffet.

Shane shook his head, taking a long drink of the pumpkin ale Gus was serving. Maybe he could drink enough of this to satisfy his original plan for the evening. “I won’t even ask if you are.”

Kailim would settle for Shane’s social drinking; it beat him getting trashed in his room alone. She was about to reply when she spotted Alex across the square, making his way over.

Shane rolled his eyes. “Ugh, have fun with that.”

Alex replaced Shane at the table with a cocky grin. “I’m into the whole scarecrow thing. It’s cute.”

Kailim laughed. She could humor Alex tonight, as a distraction if nothing else. “And what are you supposed to be?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he gestured to the letterman jacket that he always wore. “A gridball player!”

“Oh, I would have never guessed. Where’s your cheerleader?”

“Right here,” Alex grabbed her hand. “Come on, we’re gonna go have fun.”

“Oh, no,” Kailim’s heart rose into her throat. “I am staying next to the well-lit buffet table, thank you very much.”

Alex kept a tight grip on her hand. Reluctantly, Kailim followed him into the dimly lit festival. She could do this. She was fearless, unstoppable. Kailim took a deep breath. Alex led them up the hill to the entrance of the hedge maze.

“Ready?” he asked, peering into the deep, shadowy depths. 

No. “Yeah.”

Like he was leading an expedition, Alex boldly entered the maze. An eerie purple haze seeped through the hedges to pulse with constant unrest. Kailim stared at the ground, convinced that if she didn’t look up, maybe what lurked in the dark wouldn’t pounce. Or at least it would take Alex before it feasted on her.

At the first dead end, an ancient TV set crackled with static. Alex turned them around, standing too long at the crossroads. Kailim’s heart sank. They were already lost. Undeterred, Alex forged on, ever deeper. They wove around fake, plastic hands that seemed to grab at their ankles as they passed. Spiders clung to the hedges at the next turn. Then, another dead end and Alex cursed.

“We should split up.”

Suddenly, his hand slipped from hers. Kailim flailed in panic. “No, Alex! Alex!” But he was gone. She hadn’t even heard his footsteps recede.

The walls of the maze closed in, twisting overhead so she could no longer see the stars. Suffocating, sickening, like all the air was being extracted from her lungs slowly and painfully. Kailim sunk under the weight of the darkness. Soon, soon it would burst from a bush and swallow her whole, the monster that she was so afraid of, asking questions she couldn’t answer, pointing an accusing finger until--

Footsteps. There it was. Finally, the dark would take her, whimpering and crushed into a corner like a child. And after so much fighting, too. She thought she had been getting better.

A strong hand wrapped around Kailim’s arm. She gasped, pulling, pushing, anything to make the monster let go. 

“Woah, okay, message received.” The hand released. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

It took more courage than Kailim thought she had to open one eye and peer out from under her arms. When had she curled up in the corner? And there, a vague form in the darkness, was Shane, a hand patiently waiting to help her up. Shaking, Kailim reached out. Shane wrapped his jean jacket around her shoulders, leading her safely out of the maze. If they made a wrong turn, Kailim didn’t notice. She buried her face in the jacket collar. 

Outside, the stars returned. Shane placed Kailim on a bench directly underneath a lampost, then sat down next to her. Kailim focused on steady breathing, on watching Jas chase Vincent around the festival, on listening to the laughter of Pelican Town rather than the shrieks and moans coming from the hedge maze.

“Thank you,” Kailim whispered, trying out her vocal cords; hoarse, raspy, but they were still there. “I shouldn’t have gone in.”

“Dumbass shouldn’t have taken you in. I heard him leave.”

Kailim thought about arguing - she shouldn’t have  _ let _ Alex drag her in - but that wasn’t a discussion she felt like pursuing. Kailim tilted her gaze towards him. “Wait, why were you--oh Yoba.” She smacked a hand over her mouth, trying to stop the laughter, but it was too late. Kailim couldn’t help but stare at his lips, and chin, and even some of his neck.

“What?” Shane snapped. He swiped a hand over his mouth, cursing when pink lipstick came with it. “Oh, shut up!”

As if the universe was conspiring against Shane, Emily came strolling out of the maze, smudged lipstick and all. “Cute costume, Kailim!” She called. “I’ll see you later, Shane!”

Kailim doubled over, wheezing in mirth. “I’m happy--” Kailim snorted, then tried again. “No, Shane, I’m happy for you, honest.”

“It’s not a ‘thing’,” he assured her. Shane hadn’t drunk enough to convince himself it was a thing, more like. It had been a long time - how long, he couldn’t remember - since he had last been with someone, and it probably showed. But human touch felt nice after so long. Maybe this ‘thing’ was a mistake. Emily was just taking pity on him, and he was too weak to say no.

“Shane, I just want my friend to be happy. Are you?”

Happy was a word he could use but didn’t know if he should. Emily felt more like a distraction than anything. Instead, he shrugged. Kailim took that answer as good enough and stood, stretching.

“Come on, let’s find Jas,” she suggested, pulling Shane off the bench. “It’s late.” 

They found Jas sat by Vincent, counting out candies into even piles.

“Ready to walk Ms. Kailim home?” Shane asked. Jas shook her head, yawned, then gathered the candy back into her bag. To his surprise, Jas reached for him to carry her. He maneuvered her onto his back, where she rested her head on his shoulder. Kailim took the bag of candy, and together, Jas already snoring softly against Shane’s shoulder, they headed down the dark road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a brief laptop funeral, we are back up and running. Rusty, but running.


	19. From Bat to Worse

From Bat to Worse

_ Kailim: I need help. _

_ Shane: It’s my day off _

_ Kailim: Good, you’re free, come help. _

_ Kailim: Or not, that’s fine too. _

Shane didn’t respond, so Kailim was left to wait. She hunkered down on the porch steps. Yardstick and the cat wrestled behind her, the animals oblivious to the chaos that was certainly plaguing the inside of Kailim's house.

Sunlight began fading over fields of ripe pumpkins and wiry cranberry bushes. The longer Kailim sat and stewed in anxiety, the sharper her thoughts became. Stupid, that she couldn’t go into her own home; that such a tiny creature would be enough to oust her.

By the time Shane came strolling up the driveway from Pelican Town, Kailim was one roiling ball of nerves and defensive barbs. From his expression, Kailim guessed Shane wasn't too pleased, either.

"So," she called out, "I think something was mentioned about the dark and me not liking it, right? Well, that kind of extends to...creatures of the night, if you will."

Shane blinked at her, pointedly, slowly. "What?"

"There's a bat in my house."

He sighed a long, deep sigh, but joined her on the porch. "What, it just flew in?"

"No, he probably walked, knowing bats and their penchant for strolls."

"I can leave," Shane threatened, his hand on the front door. 

"No, no, no! Please, I don't wanna get the bat, please," Kailim's heart rose in her throat. "It's gonna be dark soon, Shane."

"Fine," Shane ventured inside. "Where was it last?"

"Kitchen!"

"And what am I supposed to catch it with?"

"I don't know! Throw a blanket over it?"

More grumbling, some shuffling, then Shane passed by the door with a blanket primed for bat catching. Kailim watched through the screen as he poked around, looking behind plants, on top of cabinets, under the kitchen table.

"I don't see it."

"It moved?!"

"I can’t believe I left for this," Shane muttered when he moved on to the living room.

"No offense, Shane, but what could you have possibly been doing?" Shane didn't respond. Kailim peered through the screen door; even at a distance, she could see a bright blush creeping up his neck. "Wait, what  _ were _ you doing?"

"Nothing."

Kailim laughed, her intuition gladly taking the distraction from her anxiety. "Shane Michael, were you participating in adult activities?"

Shane hung his head briefly, the blanket still poised in case the bat showed itself. "Not quite."

"I cockblocked you!"

"I  _ don't _ have to catch this bat."

"I’m...” guilt dampened the tension littering her chest. Of course, Shane had a life off of Hollyfrost - a semi-healthy one, it seemed - and here Kailim was, keeping him from it. “I’m sorry, Shane. You didn’t have to come.”

“I know,” Shane said, “and you could have called Alex.”

“But he doesn’t know about the dark.”

Shane recognized that tone. He risked a glance at Kailim and found himself dumbstruck. Golden sunlight illuminated her outline through the screen door. Alex would probably have ridiculed her fear of the dark; the thought made Shane angry. How could anyone look at the woman before him - so tiny, so open, and honest, wide-eyed, like she didn’t mean to be truthful but couldn’t help it - how could anyone look at her and not want to care for what they saw? 

Shane saw, standing in the doorway, the reason he left Emily without a second thought.

In his peripheral, a grey blur of motion whizzed by. Kailim shrieked. Blindly, Shane threw out the blanket.

And just like that, it was over. The bat flapped angrily under the blanket. Shane carefully gathered the animal up, cooing softly as he brought it out to the porch. Kailim peeked out from behind Old Red.

“Uh, where-”

“Not here!” she pointed far off into the farm. Shane released the bat at the edge of Hollyfrost, setting the blanket on the ground before unwrapping its prisoner. The bat blinked, squeaked, then took off into the trees.

“Thank you,” Kailim said when Shane let himself in the house. There were layers to her words, and she hoped Shane caught all of them. “I’m sorry I made you-”

“You didn’t make me do anything.” Shane carefully folded the bat-catching blanket. “You don’t apologize for your stuff. I don’t apologize for mine. That’s how this works, I think.” He made some vague gesture between them, laying the blanket over a chair back.

Kailim smiled when Shane finally looked at her. “You’ll apologize to Emily for me?”

“How-” Shane stopped the dumb question, instead turning to leave, “yeah. I’ll let her know.”

Shane hesitated in Kailim’s driveway. Heading back to Emily’s felt a little weird, and her sister was probably home by now. His safest bet was to head home.

In retrospect, Shane was pretty sure Emily wasn’t  _ that _ into him. This session had been getting heavy, sure, and yeah, another body felt nice, but... something was missing; probably Shane’s ability to successfully please a woman. The relationship - whatever it was - felt fake, like something Shane did instead of working on the farm. Emily was a distraction from not being on Hollyfrost, and Hollyfrost was a distraction from Shane’s shitty habits, nature, and personality.  He could act all strong and sober, but it was exactly that: an act.

The final lie was that this all wasn’t compounding, and Shane didn’t know how much longer it would be until he cracked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some future chapters: winter is coming. Dark themes will be discussed (suicide, depression, PTSD). We're about to get into it, and I will place chapter warnings at the beginning of every chapter to ensure that everyone is on the same page going in. 
> 
> That being said, these chapters are some of the most pivotal for Shane and Kailim, and I am very excited about the coming developments. Thank you for bearing with me.


	20. The Last Day of Fall

The Last Day of Fall

Shane came from the farthest fields at sunset, tucking himself in against the bitter cold. Tonight he would need to find his jackets; somehow, the two he usually wore had gone missing, and with winter so close, he was going to need every layer he could get. The dark clouds now rolling in over the mountains supposedly held snow, if the weatherman was to be believed. Winter was coming early to the valley.

In preparation, Shane and Kailim found themselves working long hours. Icy winds saw heaters installed in the coop and barn. A final harvest was brought in from the fields. The silos were filled with feed. Sprinklers were insulated, waterlines were emptied. So many tiny things that Shane and Kailim were both spread thin.

Shane found Kailim in the chicken coop, padding the floor with extra hay. “I don’t think they’ve seen snow before,” she told him as he huddled next to the heater. Shane grunted. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride home. Might as well take the day off tomorrow to see how high the snow gets.” Kailim made the suggestion hesitantly, but it was the logical solution - no getting around it.

A tired, dark part of Shane rejoiced for the freedom. Maybe he could finally drink himself into a bitter stupor. All this pretending on Kailim’s farm was chipping away at his resolve.

Shane shook his head of the thought. Winter always drove his mind deeper into the hole he seemed to be falling into.

Kailim pulled up to Marnie’s ranch just as the first few flakes of snow began sticking to the ground. She sprung out of the truck. “Look!”

“You’ve never seen snow?” He asked, joining her in the snowfall.

“Not clean snow. The City always made the snow so dirty and gross.” She stuck her tongue out to catch a flake.

The door to the ranch house opened, and Jas ran out. “Ms. Kailim! It’s snowing!”

“I’ve noticed!”

Shane watched - Kailim and Jas giggling, Marnie smiling in the doorway, a warm beam of light cutting across the yard as more and more snow gathered. He watched with the knowledge that tomorrow he would fall back into the habit they all hated, the habit that made him hate himself. He could pretend he was better all he wanted; he could convince as many people as would believe. He knew, though. Shane knew the truth.

Kailim saw Shane push past Marnie into the house. She set Jas down. Winter worried Kailim, for both their sakes. Shane made progress over the seasons - he looked happier, healthier, but there was a level Kailim could never seem to reach.

Yoba, the same was true for her. Even now, rejoicing in pure white snowflakes, Kailim could feel the shadows at the edge of Cindersap forest creeping in with the setting sun.

“Go, you’ll freeze,” Kailim ushered Jas back into the ranch house.

Marnie took Kailim’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as Jas ran off into the house. “Ready for winter?”

“The farm is.”

“Are you?”

“We’ll be okay, Marnie.”


	21. A Light

A Light

The first snowstorm of winter blew in with a vengeance, drowning the world for two whole days before petering out overnight. On the third day, Kailim peered out into a pristine landscape. Frost covered the windows, which she wiped away with a sleeve. Sparkling snow drew a barrier between Hollyfrost Farm and the rest of Pelican Town.

Yardstick, when Kailim let him out, tunneled deep into the snow, popping up in an explosion of white before disappearing once again. The feral cat stuck its head outside, then yawned and went back to its perch by the window. At least two feet of powder had gathered, more in some places. The driveway needed to be shoveled, Old Red unearthed, and a path cut to the chicken coop. Calling Yardstick back inside, Kailm went to change for the day. She layered on her thermals, then a pair of coveralls, and finally a blue Joja hoodie and a big jean jacket that were shoved in the closet. Bundled up and snow shovel in hand, Kailim ventured out into a brave, white world.

Not a sound disturbed the chilly air, save for the scrape, scrape of her shovel as she built out a path to the chicken coop. In the City, snow always brought on the sound of wet tires passing over gray slush. A blanket that was supposed to put the world to sleep was instead plowed to the side in the interest of a rat race. In the Valley, there were no highways to turn the snow gray, no smog to cloud a crisp winter morning. Pelican Town was tucked in for a long winter’s nap and went willingly toward hibernation.

At mention of the City, Kailim’s head throbbed, memories pushing suddenly at their cage. Zuzu City. Joja Corp. Yoba, it was about this time last year that-

No. Kailim shook her head, wiping a thin sheen of sweat from her brow. No; that wasn’t here. This was a new winter. She had almost completely forgotten about that day; she  _ needed _ to forget if she was going to make it through winter with her sanity intact.

Kailim shoveled on. Another noise she missed was Shane. Usually, he was bustling around the coop by this time. Winter was here to disturb the rhythm they had fallen into, and Kailim wasn’t sure how either of them would take it. She didn’t realize the comfort another body brought her until one wasn’t there.

Kailim cleared a spot large enough to crack open the coop door and slipped inside. The chickens were hunkered down, huddled together in the hay for warmth. Before she laid into the chores, her phone buzzed in her pocket.

_ Shane: Snow quit. Need help? _

_ Kailim: Dig out Marnie first. _

Who knew how buried the ranch was, Kailim told herself. Even still, Kailim hoped that maybe Shane would get to Hollyfrost today; she yearned for companionship, whether or not she could openly admit it.

When the chickens were taken care of, Kailim trudged her way back and began digging out the porch and driveway. The sky still hung heavy with clouds, but Kailim felt the passage of time with each shovelful of snow she chucked over her shoulder. It was maybe noon when she finished the driveway. Still no sign of Shane, but Kailim was impatient.

She kicked around snow until she found the well worn rocky path that led off her property and toward Marnie’s ranch. This would be her next goal, and if she met Shane somewhere in the middle, so be it. 

Sure enough, Kailim saw two blurry figures in the snow when she was halfway to the property line. Next to Shane - who had brought a shovel and was digging out his own path - bobbed a big green bow, just barely visible above the snow.

“Jas, aren’t you cold?” Kailim called when they were closer.

“No!” came a confident reply, although the voice was muffled by snow. 

Kailim and Shane cleared the last few feet separating them, and Kailim shooed Jas ahead. “House, little one. Yardstick is waiting.”

“She insisted on coming,” Shane said. “Sorry.”

Kailim shook her head as they walked up the property. “Don’t worry. We’ll need the hands.”

“For what?”

Kailim just grinned.

Shane wouldn’t have pegged Kailim as a ‘Feast of the Winter Star’ kind of person. The grand feast and mystic legend didn’t flow with Kailim’s personality. And yet, Shane found himself drowning under boxes of Winter Star decorations. Jas was given the very important - and warm - job of decorating the Feast Tree inside, while Kailim and Shane toiled away in the cold.

Most of Kailim’s decorations were lights - white ones, multi-colored ones, even lights shaped like hot peppers. Strands of color wound around the porch railing; Shane trimmed the chicken coop with neon icicles and snowflakes; every fence post bore the stripes of an overzealous farmer. Shane and Kailim lined the pathways with giant candy canes, stretching all the way back toward Marnie’s Ranch. Kailim spent nearly an hour encasing the largest oak at the front of Hollyfrost entirely in white lights - no twig left untouched.

By the end, Shane stood on the porch in the receding light as Kailim finished hooking up every decoration to a timer switch; he still didn’t get it. What was the deal with all the lights?

“Get Jas,” Kailim said, settling on the porch step. “They’re about to turn on.”

Shane bundled up Jas and brought her out to the porch, wrapped in a blanket from Kailim’s couch. They all settled on the front step. Their breath came in thick clouds. Shane began to lose the feeling in his toes.

A soft ‘click’ and the farm  _ ignited _ .

Every inch of Hollyfrost glowed with light. The pathways were lit in white and blue; the house twinkled under hot pepper strands; each fence was a kaleidoscope of colors; the great oak almost hurt to look at with how many lights adorned its branches. 

Brighter than it all, though, were the smiles next to him. Jas squealed and pointed, and Kailim lifted the child onto her lap, staring out into the twinkling night. The farmer sighed, relaxed, leaned closer to Shane.

“That’s a lot of lights,” Shane mumbled. The rusty gears in his brain finally clicked. “Oh. Lights.”

Kailim smiled sheepishly. “Isn’t that what the Feast of the Winter Star is about? A light in the darkness?”

Shane had never thought about it that way. To him, the holiday was always more about awkward gifts and overeating. “With all the decorations, you could host the town’s Feast right here, you know,” Shane teased Kailim.

She wrinkled her nose at the idea. “Too many people.” Hollyfrost wasn’t that impressive; she couldn’t ask everyone to come out just for her. 

Despite the sudden warmth Shane suddenly found himself enveloped in, he knew that Jas needed to be home soon. “We should head out before it gets too dark,” Shane told Jas, lifting her off of Kailim’s lap.

Kailim was hesitant to let them go, but couldn’t think of a reason for them to stay. “You’ve got a well-lit path back.”

“Can we build snowmen at the Ice Festival, Kailim?” Jas asked. “Please?”

“That’s not for a while, Jas. Bit excited, are we?”

“It’s the weekend after the first snow,” Shane told her. “So, in like, two days.”

Damn it. Kailim knew that; already her sense of time was slipping away - whether it was slowing down or speeding up, she couldn’t tell.

“I’ll bring a carrot for the nose,” Kailim promised Jas. “Now, get.”

Her chest ached as she watched them leave, becoming shadows lit by the glowing decorations. And despite the neon candy canes, and the electric icicles, and the fire-hazard oak tree - 

Despite it all, Kailim retreated into the farmhouse, locking the door securely behind her in hopes of shutting out the darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter warning: PG-13 physical contact. Nothing exciting, and no, not who you want it to be.


	22. The Festival of Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: PG physical contact
> 
> Next chapter warning: Vague mentions of character death

The Festival of Ice

Kailim dumped her basket of fish back into the frozen lake. Fingers numb, she blew on them to try and regain feeling. Ice fishing required bare hands, but the sacrifice was worth her hard-won triumph over Willy. 

Winning the ice-fishing competition was a bright spot that Kailim sorely needed in such a bleak winter. Recently, sleep was hard to come by, and with no sun, the dreary days seemed to drone on. Sure, there were odd jobs that needed doing around the farm, but the work could never distract Kailim entirely from the shadows that seemed to be creeping over Hollyfrost.

A hand clapped Kailim on the shoulder, making her jump. Alex grinned down at her. “Not bad! Willy hasn’t lost in a while.”

Kailim just smiled in response. His sudden appearance left her shaken. Alex and Kailim followed the crowd up to the ranch, where everyone dispersed toward Pelican Town. Kailim watched them go, a pang of loneliness slicing through her chest. Robin and Sebastian; Marnie with Mayor Lewis; Shane with Emily. Kailim lingered on that last pair. Truth be told, Shane’s company was the one she would prefer, but there wasn't a good enough reason to drag him to the farm; no work to be done, and it was a holiday to boot.

But what if Kailim just wanted all her friends to stay a bit longer? Could she ask that of them without an excuse? Would they even want to stay? Or would she have to explain the tightness in her chest, the numbness in her hands every time she thought about-

“Wanna celebrate?” Alex asked Kailim; she nearly forgot he was there.

Maybe Alex would do. “Sure, come on.”

The walk back was hard - fresh snow covered their path. Her breath came out in heavy white puffs by the time they reached the farmhouse. Inside, Kailim stripped the winter layers away.

“Know how to start a fire?” she asked Alex, gesturing to the fireplace as he pulled off his jacket. He nodded. “Great. I’ll get the drinks.”

Alex cleared his throat. “I don’t really drink.”

Kailim hesitated, head in the fridge, then reached for her homemade juice. “I have some juice I just made.”

“From scratch?”

“Yeah,” Kailim settled on the couch. “It’s naturally carbonated. Try some.”

Alex sat next to her, taking a sip from the offered glass. “Wow, that’s good.”

“Thanks,” Kailim poured herself a glass. “Better than wine?”

“Yeah. I never really got a taste for alcohol.”

“Honestly, I haven’t drank in a while, either." Kailim crossed her legs under herself, facing Alex. "So you're telling me you never experimented in your highschool days with the gridball team?”

He laughed. “No, no. The team did, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t.” Alex leaned forward, eyes looking at something over Kailim’s shoulder. That cocksure grin dropped just a hair. “Did I ever tell you why I live with my grandparents?”

Shit. In measured movements, Kailim shook her head. This suddenly felt like a confession, like she was back at Joja, career counseling, lying for the company until-

It was too late; Alex dove in. “My dad drank a lot. He was a bad guy. Was never there, and when he was, he was wasted, yelling, telling me I’m worthless. He left, and it was just mom and I. But then she got sick, really sick, and passed away about twelve years ago. So, my grandparents took me in.” Alex readjusted himself, meeting Kailim’s eye. His smirk returned. “Sob story short, I’m not going to be like him. That starts with not drinking.”

How should she respond? What if Kailim said the wrong thing? What if Alex took it the wrong way? What if her words were the final straw and-

“Your mother raised a good man, Alex.”

“Thanks, but I don’t dwell on it. Greater things ahead. And when I do think about it, I distract myself.”

Kailim wanted to say something about how suppressing emotions was unhealthy, but Yoba help them both if she went into counseling mode right now. Alex didn’t need to see that mental breakdown, and Kailim didn’t need to have it. She was _ fine _.

“How? Gridball?” That would explain a lot.

“One of the ways.”

“Working out?”

“That too.”

Kailim tested the waters. “Haley?”

Alex scoffed. “Back in high school, but no, not anymore. We’re just friends.”

Kailim shrugged. At some point, her brain had retreated from the controls and her need for safety had taken helm. “You two seem close.”

“Jealous, Kailim?” Alex leaned forward.

Kailim was well aware of the challenge in his tone, the smirk to his mouth, the closeness of their knees, hands, lips. Maybe a distraction wouldn’t be so bad.

“That depends. What am I missing?”

“Let me show you.”

The hand that wound around her neck was warm. Alex’s lips were firm, soft, tasting of the bottle they shared. And for a moment, just a moment, Kailim felt herself give in to the promise of another warm body, a welcome distraction from the bitter memories outside. Alex pressed her into the arm of the couch. A hand spread over her hip, and she sighed, opening her mouth to his tongue.

Her fingers felt numb again as they messed up Alex’s manicured hair. All of her awareness zeroed in on a spot just behind her eyes, and that’s where Kailim’s consciousness watched as months of meaningless flirting came to fruition. She had never stopped Alex’s advances before; this is what she wanted, needed. The alternative - sitting in her cold house, letting the shadows and memories creep ever closer - was terrifying.

But if she needed this distraction, then why in Yoba’s name didn’t it feel right?

A cold hand on her stomach snapped Kailim back to reality “Alex,” an attempt to get his attention turned into a moan at his lips on her neck. That felt _ good _ , yes, but not _ right _. “Wait, wait!” she laid a hand against his chest, placing valuable inches between their torsos; surely her rationale was hiding somewhere in that space. Eyes closed tightly, she was acutely aware of Alex hovering, waiting for an explanation. She didn’t have one.

“It’s Shane, right?” His voice broke the silence.

“What? No!” Kailim floundered, blindsided by his observation. “That’s not even the beginning of it, Alex.”

“But he’s part of it?” Alex shook his head, retreating. “Look, no hard feelings, Kailim. Besides, what’d you tell me when we first met? You don’t do ‘no strings attached’.”

Kailim watched in shock as Alex began layering up for the cold walk back home. Guilt rolled over her in waves. Guilt, shame, fear. Fear most of all. This was her chance at a distraction, at forgetting the shadows, and she refused because ‘it didn’t feel right’.

But there were other reasons, too. 

“Alex,” Kailim tested her voice; shaky, but there. He deserved to hear the other reasons. “You’re better than a distraction. You _ deserve _ better than that.”

For the first time since she had met him, Alex smiled - not a smirk, or a grin, but a real, soft, gentle smile that reached his eyes. “What were you at Joja again? A counselor?”

Kailim winced; his question made the shadows too sharp, real, heavy. “Something like that.”

“You've got good advice. Listen to it.”

The door shut soundly behind Alex, and Kailim dropped her head in her hands, alone again.

/*/

When Emily suggested they warm up at her house, Shane hadn’t planned on this method. Hoped for it, maybe, but not really.

His body felt like it was miles away. Numb fingers carded through Emily’s hair; his chest was hollow as she pressed him back into the mattress; her kisses tasted like nothing. But this was good, better than being alone, better than nothing at all, better than drinking himself to sleep because at least then Kailim and Marnie wouldn't be so disappointed.

Besides, he watched Kailim walk off with Alex. That sent a clear enough message for the tiny part of him that was still naive enough to hope. 

Emily pulled away suddenly, leaning back on Shane’s legs. Had he done something wrong? “What are you thinking about?”

“Uh...” his head spun, scrambling to come up with an answer that didn’t sound bad.

“This is fun, Shane. I like you,” she pressed a hand to his cheek. “But you’re thinking about Kailim, aren’t you?”

Was he that easy to read? “It’s not like...not in _ that _ way.”

“Then what is it?”

He couldn’t bare himself like that. Couldn’t tell Emily that it wasn’t about Kailim, at least not in a way he was willing to admit yet. More like it was about him, and his own disappointments and failings. The words tangled in his chest. He threw an arm over his eyes.

“Shane, I’m not mad.” He felt Emily rise off the bed. “If she’s where your heart is, you have to be honest with her. With yourself.”

Be honest with himself? Honesty meant admitting to the nightly drinks he indulged in; meant he would have to look out of the hole he seemed to be crawling into; meant he would have to stop pretending that he was the man Jas, Marnie, and Kailim thought he was becoming. Honesty would mean that nothing had gotten better, and he couldn’t bear the disappointment. 

Emily kissed him on the cheek at the front door, squeezing his hand with a soft smile before slipping back inside. The door shut with a ‘click’. Shane was left blinking at the snow-covered night.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was tempted to make this more smutty. I don't write explicitly, but I'm always up for a good sex scene every now and then. The rating will most definitely be bumped to explicit in the future. Let me know what y'all think.


	23. The Cliff Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: vague mention of character death, a brief mention of suicide.
> 
> Next chapter warning: Full discussions of suicide.

The Cliff's Edge

_ Buzz. _

Kailim groaned. With covers pulled over her head and Yardstick curled at her feet, she committed to staying in bed for the rest of the day. There was no point in getting up. For three days, winter had beat against the front door, not quite a blizzard, but enough to shut everyone inside against the cold. Kailim hadn’t left the house in a week and hadn’t heard from anyone in at least that long.

_ Buzz. _

She told herself that was what she wanted. The less Kailim let the outside in, the fewer shadows slipped through the cracks to plague her. But what about the shadows that already nested in her home? She was left alone in dark, with the nightmares that kept sleep from her bed. And the harder she fought, the harder the memories clung.

So no, there was no point in getting out of bed today. Or ever again, maybe.

_ Buzz. _

Kailim hissed, throwing a hand from her blankets to the nightstand where her phone vibrated for a third time. The amount of bravery that action took sickened Kailim - exposing her hand to the cold, the darkness, the shadows.

_ Marnie: I have a calf. _

_ Marnie: Kailim, her mom rejected her. I don’t have a safe place for it. _

_ Marnie: I’m sending Shane over. _

“Damnit!” Kailim threw the blankets off. That was ten minutes ago; Shane would be here soon. Shimmying into a fuzzy sweater and pajama pants, Kailim hesitated. What did a baby cow need?

Something soft, something warm; Kailim lit the fireplace, then laid out towels on the floor. There wasn’t time to think about how dark the house was, or how cold the fire felt. Instead, Kailim scratched Yardstick behind the ears and waited for the familiar boot steps on her front porch.

Kailim opened the door for Shane. He was bundled up to his eyes, as was the calf in his arms; only a pink snout stuck out from blankets.

“Yoba, how old is it?” Kailim asked, taking the animal into her arms; it was heavy, but nowhere near a healthy weight. She rushed it toward the fireplace.

“A week,” Shane told her, stomping snow off his boots. “The mom couldn’t make up her mind about it, and Marnie decided to pull it today. She wasn’t even supposed to calve. Some freak accident.”

Kailim peeked under the blankets; the calf blinked up at her with bleary eyes. It was cold to the touch. “Oh, you poor thing.” Shane joined her on the floor, pulling a clean blanket for himself and setting down two full bottles of milk. “So, what? You couldn’t keep it?”

“It was unplanned. There’s no room in the barn or the house, and the mom was getting aggressive.”

Kailim bristled. “And Marnie thinks I have room?”

Shane gave Kailim a long, furrowed stare. This wasn’t like her. “Kailim-”

“I don’t have a cow. How the fuck am I supposed to feed it?”

“I can bring milk from the ranch,” he said. “Kailim...”

She huffed, tucking a blanket under the animal and reaching for one of the milk bottles. The calf was quick to take the nipple and sucked greedily.

This wasn’t right. Kailim looked exhausted, the firelight casting dark shadows under her eyes; her shoulders bunched with a humming tension. Come to think of it, Shane hadn’t heard from Kailim all week, or at least since the snow started. She turned him away from Hollyfrost at the first sign of a blizzard, and never called him back - which left Shane to his own disappointing, destructive devices.

Truth be told, Marnie was lucky Shane wasn’t too hungover to bring the calf.

With an excuse to be there, Shane looked forward to seeing Kailim and the farm again. But now, with firelight flickering between them and silence freezing the air, Shane wasn’t so sure he was wanted.

“I thought Marnie had given you more warning,” Shane muttered, rocking to his knees to get up. “Sorry. I’ll just-”

A tiny hand, cold despite being near the fire, wrapped around Shane’s wrist, pulling him back to the floor. “Stay. Please.”

Shane froze. Kailim’s ask was so simple, so small, but it struck him as something so new. Was this the first time she had asked - not offered or suggested - but truly, openly asked for him - or anyone, knowing Kailim - to stay?

He wasn’t the right person to ask. Shane didn’t deserve her trust, not like this. But, Yoba, Kailim was shaking and he wanted to help.

Her hand loosened its grip. “Unless you have to-”

Shane sat next to her, taking the empty milk bottle from Kailim. Her hands shook as she let go. The calf yawned, then snuggled down into the blankets, no longer shivering.

Kailim pulled a blanket around her shoulders, curling against the couch. The fire wasn’t bright enough - she could still feel the shadows lingering heavily, waiting. When had she let them so close?

Shane didn’t know what to do, what to say, but he couldn’t stand how small Kailim looked burrowed against her couch, peeking out from an oversized blanket. At the very least, he needed to try.

“How can I help?” asked gently, whispered into a quiet room.

Kailim sighed, leaning against Shane’s shoulder. He lifted his arm to make room. “I haven’t slept in...a while.”

“Bad dreams?”

Her breath came out in a shudder. Yoba, she was tired.  _ So _ tired. “Yeah.”

For once in his life, Shane pushed; Kailim was wound too tight for him not to. “About what?”

The fire crackled, popping loudly. Kailim watched the bright flames dance, wanting their warmth but not knowing how to reach for it.

“Someone died while I was at Joja. A...coworker of mine. About a year ago.” Kailim wasn’t lying, not really. Shane didn’t need to know it all; he didn’t deserve that breakdown. “I’ve never been able to shake it.”

At that moment, and despite Kailim’s unwillingness to admit the power of her words, the shadows slunk back - not far, but enough. A wave of exhaustion washed over her.

Shane tightened his arm around Kailim in lieu of an answer. There probably wasn’t much he could say; maybe telling him was enough. Some of the tension bled from her shoulders; her breathing softened. Glancing down, Shane realized Kailim was dozing. She looked...quiet, peaceful for once in her life. Such a strong woman, and somehow here she was, tucked under his arm, trusting that...

What the hell was she trusting him with? Why would she?

Fuck, if she knew the truth, she would be so disappointed. If she knew the hovel Shane drank himself into, how dark it was in there; if she knew the way he stared out over the cliffs of Cindersap... Kailim was suddenly too bright to look at. Guilt settled in the pit of Shane’s stomach. He needed to leave.

The calf stretched, laying its large head over his ankles.

Shit. Apparently, he was staying.


	24. Six Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: depictions/mentions of suicide
> 
> Next chapter warning: Discussions of suicide

Six Hearts 

Kailim squinted; the wind, the snow, the ice burned her eyes. She could see ten, _ maybe _ twelve feet in front of her when the wind eased up from a sharp diagonal. This blizzard pounced upon Stardew Valley with an impatient vengeance, and Kailim found herself caught out in the cold.

Kailim kept one hand on the fence that ran along Marnie’s Ranch. If she followed this just a bit further, maybe she would be able to take shelter in the ranch house until the weather blew over. Snow lingered in drifts, soaking into Kailim’s boots and freezing her toes. Surely it couldn’t be much further?

The fence took a sharp turn, and Kailim followed it to the far corner of Marnie’s barn. In a harsh gust, the wind suddenly pinned her against the siding. Kailim couldn’t see her hand in front of her face. She inched forward, navigating between the buildings by a numb touch.

Marnie’s front doorknob caught Kailim’s hip, or else she would have walked right past.

“Kailim!” Marnie cried when Kailim fell into the entryway.

Gasping, Kailim slumped against the door. “Lovely weather we’re having, huh?”

“You need to dry off! Yoba, what were you doing out there?” Marnie ushered her into the sitting room.

“Brought Ms. Evelyn some fresh eggs she asked for. And the calf needed more milk.”

Marnie frowned, looking up from the fire. “I sent Shane over with some before all of this blew in.”

“But-” Kailim’s heart sank. “Oh no.”

The door to Jas’ room creaked open. Big eyes blinked up at Kailim. “Is Shane outside?” Jas asked, shuffling out into the firelight.

“It’s okay, Jas,” Kailim assured her. “I’ll find him.”

Marnie grabbed Kailim by the scarf. “You are _ not _ wandering around in a blizzard, Kailim!”

As if Mother Nature was - for once - on Kailim’s side, the wind outside eased up - not much, but enough. The ranch house fell silent. Kailim shook Marnie off, throwing the door open to the cold. Visibility had increased twenty, maybe thirty feet, which was better than nothing.

Kailim squinted against the freezing flakes that clung to her eyelashes. She hadn’t seen Shane on her way into town - she had cut through Cindersap - so where the hell was he?

She squinted. Vague indentations in the snow - footprints that hadn’t quite been covered by the blizzard - traced a hidden path deep into the naked woods. Hunkering into her scarf, Kailim steeled herself against the sinking sensation in her stomach and followed.

Despite the bright snow, the woods were dark. Trees loomed overhead, barren oak branches jutting out in between thick evergreens. Shadows twisted at the edge of Kailim’s vision. For a moment, she lost the footprints and shuddered, suddenly abandoned in the forest and left to wait until she was either pounced upon or her path reappeared - whichever came first.

The wind eased up, the footprints revealed themselves, and Kailim continued.

At the far edge of Cindersap, where the trees petered out into a clearing, Kailim hesitated. Past here, there wasn’t much - just a sewer grate and the cliffs. But still, the footprints continued on, and so did Kailim.

The snow obscured her senses. Over the whistling of the wind, she could hear waves crashing far below. The sea was angry today. But more than what she was hearing, Kailim froze with the image she saw. Tunnel vision, the way the shadows zeroed in on a shape in the snow. Kailim crept closer.

Shane laid in the snow, fingertips dangling over the cliff's edge. Beer cans littered the snow. “Shane?” she whispered, hands reaching out, freezing halfway. Yoba, please...

He lifted his head, twisted to look at Kailim, then blinked and stared once again across the dark expanse of water. He was alive, at least, but what now? Kailim’s legs shook as she kneeled in the snow.

“Kailim...” Shane mumbled, voice muffled by the snow. “Fuck, I’m sorry...”

Familiar. Those words were so familiar, too familiar. Shadows screamed at Kailim, demanding her attention, demanding that she remember them. She fought to focus on Shane.

Shane shifted in the snow. “My life...it’s a pathetic joke. A lie. Look at me. This...this is who I am. I’m too small and stupid to take control of my life.”

He rolled over, further from Kailim, closer to the edge. Her stomach clenched. If he went too far...

“I’ve been coming here a lot lately. Looking down...I can’t keep lying like this. To you, Marnie, Jas...” a gust of wind shook them both. “Here’s a chance to finally take control of my life. Do something honest. These cliffs... But I’m a liar. Too scared, too anxious, just like always.”

Shane rolled his head - an indent had formed, like a snow angel - and found Kailim through the flurries. “When I’m on Hollyfrost, I’m pretending. At home, pretending. It’s all a lie. Tell me...tell me why I shouldn’t roll off this cliff right now.”

In that moment, Kailim looked into Shane’s eyes - eyes she had seen before, a year ago, at the edge of a skyscraper instead of a cliff - and once again, she didn’t know what to do. Didn’t have the slightest idea how to help. But, by Yoba, she had to _ try_.

Slowly, Kailim folded her legs underneath herself, inching closer to Shane, just in case. “I can’t tell you what to do, Shane. But if you stay, I’m here for you.” A cold shaking hand reached out across the snow, hesitantly finding Shane’s with a reassuring squeeze.

The decision was his, in the end. Kailim realized this a year too late, but maybe just in time for Shane.

His hand squeezed back - Kailim let out a breath - and Shane rolled away from the cliffs. “Thank you. I appreciate that” he whispered, then shivered. “Kailim, I think you should take me to the hospital now.”

“Can do.” Kailim, with Shane’s hand still in hers, hoisted him from the snow. Shit, he was cold. “Steady?”

Shane grunted, stumbled, and Kailim threw his arm over her shoulder for the dark walk back.

* * *

“He’s stable for now,” Harvey told Kailim in the claustrophobic clinic hallway. His voice echoed in Kailim’s mind. “It’s good you brought him in when you did. Too much alcohol is terrible for the body...but right now I’m most worried about his mental health. When he comes to, I’ll have a chat with him about his treatment options.”

“Who in Zuzu were you thinking?” Kailim asked; there weren’t a lot of counselors who operated independent of Joja Corp.

“Technically that’s confidential...” Harvey hesitated. “Dr. Stacy Adair. She’s a private practice.”

Kailim nodded. “I worked with her for a while. She’s good.”

“At Joja?”

“No, back in school. She was a psychologist for our team; I was acting sociologist.”

Harvey’s brow furrowed. “You studied group science? But...you were a counselor at Joja, right?”

“I was supposed to do team therapy,” Kailim explained. “I wasn’t trained to work with individuals.”

Thankfully, Harvey dropped the topic. “Well, if Shane was as serious as you said...you did a good job. Probably saved his life.”

Kailim’s throat tightened. Harvey, with a reassuring pat on Kailim’s shoulder, ducked back into Shane’s room, the door clicking shut.

Alone, Kailim closed her eyes - there was no point in keeping them open. All she could see was a blackness where the shadows stood as judge and jury. No amount of redemption would rid her of them, but-

She heard the steady beeping of Shane’s heart monitor through the wall.

A single gasp cracked Kailim’s chest. Back pressed to the wall, head on her knees, Kailim cried heaving, relieved sobs. A year in the making, she experienced a revelation; found the answer to the question that lingered in her shadows; felt the darkness lift, not entirely, but enough so that she could finally breathe.


	25. The Night Market

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: discussions of suicide

The Night Market

The next day, Kailim was looking forward to dusk.   
Kailim bundled up at sunset - sweater, blue Joja hoodie, denim jacket - and made her way through Cindersap Forest, Yardstick bouncing through the snow next to her. Out of habit, she rushed through the darkest parts before sunset. It was night by the time she reached the beach.  
From what Kailim gathered, the Night Market was a newer tradition. She stopped at the edge of the docks, reveling in the transformation. Eccentric, colored boats bobbed in the gentle waves. Multi-colored lights dangled between posts, and thick, intricate rugs covered the wooden dock. Exotic spices permeated the air.  
Kailim scanned the crowd - most everyone was here, but she didn’t see Shane.  
“Kailim!” Mayor Lewis appeared over her shoulder. “Glad you made it! The Night Market is one of my favorite events. So exotic, don’t you think?”  
“It’s nice,” she agreed.  
“Well, I wanted to give you this,” he slipped a letter to Kailim. “For the Feast of the Winter Star, we do a secret gift exchange. Your person,” he tapped on the message dramatically, “is in there.”  
Kailim nodded, stuffing the letter in her pocket for later. “Thank you, Lewis.”  
They strolled down the dock, weaving amongst the crowd. “I heard you have quite the light show going on at Hollyfrost. It’s good to have some holiday cheer during this harsh winter.”  
“It’s not that impressive,” Kailim said.  
“I’m sure it is,” Lewis insisted. “Oh, there’s Marnie! If you’ll excuse me, Kailim.”  
Lewis disappeared into the crowd, leaving Kailim alone with Yardstick in front of the bait shop. Kailim squinted; she couldn’t see Marnie, couldn’t see if Shane was with her.  
“Hey,” a voice said.  
Kailim breathed a long sigh of relief before she even turned around. At the edge of the dock, outlined against a neon purple boat, was Shane. “Hey, you.”  
Shane was surprised - she looked happy to see him, even after what he put her through. “I - um...fuck,” he sighed. This was harder than he thought. What did he even want to say? What could he say?   
“Come here,” Kailim said. She led them down to a sparse edge of the docks, near the mermaid show. It was quieter here, less stuffy.  
“I’m really sorry about what happened at the cliffs,” Shane blurted out. “That was...embarrassing.”  
“I’m just glad you’re still here, Shane.”  
He was quiet, staring into the dark ocean. "I can hardly remember...but I'm glad you were there." His memory was mostly blurs of cold beer cans, crashing waves, and a warm hand in his. “Anyway, I’ve decided I want to see a therapist. Harvey got me in touch with someone in Zuzu City. Twice a week, for now.”  
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” Kailim said.  
“No, you’ve done more than enough,” Shane said. “I’m sorry you’ve had to do this much. I should have-”  
“Shane.” Kailim nudged him with her elbow. He looked up. “I told you that if you stayed, I’d be here for you. I meant it. You’re not alone in this.”  
Shane pinched the bridge of his nose, relieved and thankful in spite of himself. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, Kailim. I’m fucking terrified.”  
In the interest of transparency - she felt shadows press at the edge of her vision - Kailim sat down at the end of the dock, waiting until Shane joined her, their feet dangling over the water. Behind them, the Night Market hummed. “If I'm honest, Shane, so am I.”  
“Why?”  
“That guy I told you about, the one that died while I was working at Joja?”  
“Yeah.”  
“He killed himself. Jumped off the top of Joja Towers. Joja wanted the situation handled quietly, so when someone reported him up there, instead of calling the police to talk him down, they called me. I am not a psychologist - I just happened to be the only counselor working that day. I have no business counseling individuals. But, Joja didn’t want a lawsuit on their hands if the police got involved, so they sent me. And I failed.  
“And I am terrified because I want to move on, and I don’t know how. I don’t know how to be myself without that hanging over me. So, I think that kind of puts us in the same boat. Equally terrified, but...”  
“But wanting to be better,” Shane nodded, finishing the thought. Her confession was so casual, and he tried to receive it casually. He saw the parallels, of course, but was merely thankful that Kailim told him - that Kailim trusted him, whether or not he was deserving of that trust. Suddenly, Shane didn’t feel so alone.  
Kailim looked up, blinking through the gentle flurries that stuck to her eyelashes. “I don’t know how.”  
Shane shrugged. Behind them, a squeal cut through the crowd. Jas shot out, away from Marnie and Mayor Lewis, tackling Kailim in a tight hug.  
“Kailim!” Jas cried as they all laughed. Shane and Kailim stood; Kailim lifted Jas onto her hip.  
“Well, at least we’re in the same boat,” Shane suggested as Marnie and Mayor Lewis joined them at the end of the dock. That was about as much positivity as he could manage, and the mere idea gave him some comfort.  
Kailim nodded, grinning. “Do you remember what you said about the farm when we were putting up decorations, Shane?” she asked him suddenly.  
He blinked. “Uh...no?”  
Her grin widened as she shifted Jas to the other hip and turned to the Mayor and Marnie. “Lewis, I have an idea for the Feast of the Winter Star.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because what else do you do in the ER besides power-write? It's all uphill from here, y'all. Mostly.


	26. Feast of the Winter Star

Feast of the Winter Star

Hollyfrost hadn’t seen so many people since that fateful summer typhoon. Now, for the first time this winter, the farm felt _ alive _. Families set up their feast tables underneath the great oak, illuminated by twinkling fairy lights and icicles. Pelican Town’s feast tree stood proudly in Kailim’s driveway, decorated with baubles and garlands of dried flowers that Kailim and Evelyn had made the night before; presents littered the base.

Kailim stood on her porch, looking out into the brilliantly-lit evening, a mug of homemade apple cider in hand.

“This is amazing, Kailim,” Robin said from beside her.

“I’m surprised everyone came,” Kailim confessed. “Even Marlon is here.” She pointed to the feast table where the old, grizzled man was regaling Jas and Vincent with stories of monsters slain.

“Yeah, he’s quite the character,” Robin laughed. “I think I’m going to give Demetrius his gift before he kills Marlon with scientific explanations. You’re welcome at our table if you need a seat, Kailim.”

“Thanks, Robin,” Kailim took another sip of her cider. She wasn’t quite ready to give up the solitude of her porch just yet. Hosting the feast - even with the help of everyone in town - was intimidating. The holiday seemed to be running smoothly, despite Kailim’s anxieties and the gentle flurries of snow that insisted on falling.

“Seat taken?” Sebastian asked, coming up the porch steps.

Kailim slid over on the railing to make room. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Spending time with everyone is tiring,” he confessed. “I need to take a break every now and then.”

“That’s why I’m up here,” Kailim stretched.

“Same. Well, that, and...” Sebastian reached into his pocket, revealing a small box tied with a black ribbon, “I needed to give you your gift.”

Kailim grinned, laughing. “You’re my secret gift giver?” He nodded, a gentle blush climbing his neck. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he muttered while she untied the ribbon.

Inside, tucked amongst tissue paper, was a small frozen tear, wrapped in wire and strung along a silver chain. Kailim carefully held the necklace up to the light. “Yoba, Sebastian...did you make this?”

“Just the wire. It’s actually based off of a trinket in the Solarion Chronicles. Meant to bring good luck and fortune to whoever wears it.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know if this one is lucky, but...”

“It’s beautiful, Sebastian,” Kailim lifted the chain over her head; the pendant rested just below her collarbone. “Thank you.”

He smiled, a small one that barely lifted the corners of his mouth, but it was a smile just the same. “Have you given your gift yet?” Sebastian asked.

“No, haven’t managed to find Alex,” she said.

“Think he was by his grandparents, at their table. It’s getting late - you’d better catch him.”

Kailim gave Sebastian’s arm a squeeze as she left the seclusion of her porch. “Thank you.”

Kailim dodged snowballs thrown by Jas and Vincent, chucking her own at the children before ducking behind the Feast Tree as cover. She caught Alex’s eye from the feast tables and gestured him over.

“How’s winter treating you?” she asked as he joined her amongst the boughs of the Feast Tree.

“Really well, actually,” Alex scratched the back of his neck. “Just heard that I’m trying out for the Tunnelers in the spring.”

“Alex, that’s amazing!”

But he shrugged, hesitated like he wasn’t willing to give in to the excitement just yet. “Yeah, no more distracting myself, I guess. It’s gonna be the real deal now.”

“I told you you were better than that,” Kailim said, nudging him with her elbow.

“I think you were right,” Alex finally smiled. “Anyway, need me for something?”

“Yeah, here,” she reached behind her, handing Alex a green box from beneath the Feast Tree. “Seems silly, now that he might be a coworker of yours, but...”

Alex looked from her to the box, then grinned and tore off the lid. “Oh - no way, Kailim! Where did you get this?” Alex carefully lifted the signed gridball, testing the weight in his hands. “Steven Maroney was a legend!”

Kailim laughed at the way Alex’s face lit up. “He did a corporate event with Joja a few years back, signed everything in sight. That’s been sitting in a box in my attic if I’m honest. Figured you would appreciate it a bit more.”

“Thank you,” Kailim suddenly found herself wrapped in a bear hug, buried in Alex’s letterman jacket. She chuckled - _ this _ felt right.

When Alex let go, Kailim pointed over his shoulder, where Evelyn was pretending not to watch. “Your grandma is curious - better go show her. And, I better get tickets to your first game, yeah?” With a kiss to her cheek - friendly, short, sweet, befitting the happiness she saw rising in Alex - he ran back to his feast table.

Kailim returned to her porch, watched as evening faded to dusk, and the lights glowed brighter. Families closed up their tables, gave final hugs to neighbors, a wave to Kailim, then headed home. With a promise to retrieve the town's decorations, Lewis said goodnight. Eventually, the farm returned to the quiet Kailim had become used to. Despite the impending dark, Kailim pulled out a blanket and settled on her porch, challenging herself to just enjoy the lights and not worry so much about what they were keeping away.

But she wasn’t alone. Footsteps crunched through the packed snow, and she looked down by the Feast Tree to find Shane coming up the driveway.

“Got the table packed up,” he told her, settling in when she scooted over on the steps. Kailim watched as Marnie and Jas carried their basket home across the fields.

“How’d it go?”

“Marnie made deviled eggs,” he said. “They were good.”

Kailim chuckled, shaking her head. “Not what I meant, but I’m glad.”

“The appointment,” Shane clarified, and Kailim nodded. His first session was two days ago - he took the morning bus to Zuzu. Dr. Adair’s office was warmer than expected; Shane didn’t know he had been expecting anything, but it definitely wasn’t _ warmth _. “I don’t know yet. I guess it’s not bad. She said I should stay busy, so...”

“Spring is coming,” Kailim didn’t hesitate.

“You still want me around?” Shane couldn’t believe her, couldn’t understand why she wanted him after all his drama, his bitching, his bullshit.

“Nothing about us has changed, Shane,” Kailim told him, but she was lying. Something had changed; couldn’t quite put her finger on it, though. “I want you around if you want to be here.”

There was that ‘us’ again. That dangerous ‘us’ that gave Shane a sliver of hope. And to tell the truth, there was nowhere he’d rather be. “Always.”


	27. Asking For Help

Asking for Help 

“Pierre, listen,” Kailim leaned on the counter, “I saw fruit trees in your catalog last month. What happened?”

Shane looked up from the small frozen meal section - Pierre really needed to expand his stock - watching Kailim and Pierre barter. They had come to order spring seeds, but now Shane found himself twiddling his thumbs while Kailim riddled Pierre with questions, and Pierre tried to dodge an answer at every turn.

Pierre pulled off his glasses, pressing a thumb and forefinger to either temple. “Kailim, I’m sorry. I can’t afford to order them in anymore - not at the prices I was offering.”

Kailim was undeterred; she needed those fruit trees for the Community Center. “What changed?”

“Fruit trees just weren’t in my profit margin this year.” Pierre huffed as the door chime jingled, his nose suddenly curling up.

“Oh no,” a shrill voice cackled from behind them. Morris, the Joja customer service representative, appeared at the counter. “You know, Miss Frost, Joja Mart has a fine selection of fruit trees and at reasonable prices too.”

Kailim's skin crawled. "No thanks."

Morris just laughed, sliding a coupon across the counter. “For when you change your mind. Joja will always be there.” Kailim’s hands twitched; she gripped the counter, white-knuckled as Morris retreated, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll draw up a contract, Mr. Mayor. My people will let you know.”

Kailim whipped her head around, catching Mayor Lewis like a deer in the headlights. On instinct, Shane took a step back, lest he trip into her piercing gaze. “Contract for what?”

Lewis fidgeted with his hat. “Kailim, I can’t really-”

But Kailim knew. One look at Lewis’s face and there was no doubt in her mind. "Not the Community Center.”

“It’s an eyesore, Kailim,” Lewis explained. “No one uses it, and Pelican Town could use the money. And those rats you saw-”

“No, It looks so much better. I've been working on it!”

Shane cocked his head. Had she? He hadn’t noticed any construction on the building.

“I’m sorry,” Lewis shrugged, a hand finding the door. “We’re selling by the end of the year. I can’t stop this now.”

Kailim pressed her forehead against the counter, slumping over as the door chimes signaled his retreat. Fuck.

Shane placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Hey, it’s just the old Community Center-” the look Kailim shot him froze Shane’s words.

She rose, rolling out her shoulders before leaning over the counter. “I’ll buy the trees for double," Kailim said. "Order them.”

* * *

Kailim wasn’t entirely convinced that the Junimos were real. Sure, the Community Center was looking better - the craft room and pantry had already been restored, and the rest was well on its way to completion. But every time Kailim thought about telling someone, she questioned her sanity. What if the Junimos really were just figments of her damaged imagination?

She couldn’t take that risk anymore. She needed help.

Kailim jammed her shoulder against the front door to the Community Center, shaking melting slush off her boots before stepping inside. Shane followed.

“I’m not crazy,” she told him as she tapped on her glow ring to cast some light over the great room. On the tail end of a harsh winter, the dilapidated building smelled musty, and cobwebs still hung in the highest corners.

“What are we doing?” Shane asked. He had never been in the Community Center, and his skin crawled like they were being watched.

Kailim led him down the hall.“Let me show you.”

Reluctantly, he followed. "Show me what? It's just an old...building..." Shane blinked at the transformation. Instead of more broken boards and tetanus hazards, the pantry and craft room were clean and fully stocked. The wallpaper was bright, the floors polished. Even the air smelled fresh.

He couldn’t believe it. “You did this? When?” 

“Not exactly.” Kailim pulled him back into the great room. “Look,” she pointed to a gold - well, Shane didn’t know what it was, but it was gold, and he hadn’t noticed it before - in front of the broken fish tank. “I’m not crazy,” Kailim reiterated as she pulled a sizeable blue clamshell out of her backpack.

Kailim laid the clamshell across the gold tablet. They waited. Shit, it had never taken this long before. She really was damaged. Kailim's brain had made up the Junimos and-

“Wait, where-” Shane blinked. “Where’d it go?” There was no glowing, no swirl of dust. Just a clamshell and then, suddenly, no clamshell. Shane was disappointed with how quickly his brain thought 'magic,' but at that moment, he couldn't think of a better explanation.

Kailim held out her hand to the fish tank, and a small creature stepped gingerly into her palm. Shane had never seen anything like it - like an oversized Joja jellybean if it grew four legs and two little stick arms. It squeaked at Shane, and Kailim hushed it.

“Long story short,” Kailim said, holding the Junimo out for his examination, "if we give these little guys presents from the farm, they’ll restore the Community Center.”

“That’s impossible,” Shane said, except he was looking at fair evidence to say it wasn’t.

“That was the last item,” Kailim told the Junimo. “Show him.”

Decades of dust that blanketed the fish tank began to shimmer, sparkling with ethereal light. Seven, eight, ten more Junimos lept from hiding. They surrounded the fish tank. A cold wind whistled through the room. Shane shielded his eyes against the glimmering dust.

As quickly as it blew in, the wind died. Slowly, unsure of what he would find, Shane opened his eyes.

It was as if the fish tank had never been damaged. The glass was whole, the water crystalline in the way it sparkled. Hell, the rug beneath their feet was clean. The Junimos were gone - Shane questioned if they had even really been there.

Kailim sighed, settling onto the rug. At least she wasn’t crazy. Shane sat quietly, mouth ajar, blinking at the fish tank. “Look, I don’t get a lot of this, okay?” she said. “The Wizard tried to explain it. But what I do know is that Joja can’t win, and these guys are our best bet.”

Shane didn’t want to think about this too hard, and he definitely wasn’t going to mention this to Dr. Adair. Kailim was asking for help - that much he understood. “Okay,” he muttered, then made sure Kailim was looking at him. “Yeah. We can do this.”

He didn’t know how, and neither did she, but they could figure it out.


	28. The Egg Festival

The Egg Festival

“Shane, come on!” Jas called from the driveway. “We’re gonna miss the egg hunt!”

Kailim comforted the child while Shane locked up the farmhouse, tucking the spare key into his pocket and joining the girls in the driveway. He had a headache, the dull kind that sat right behind his eyelids, bearable but throbbing. Shane pulled his ball cap down as they began the walk to town. Was the headache because he couldn’t sleep? Or from withdrawal? Or maybe both, one caused by the other until they compounded into a slow throb at the front of his skull.

Kailim nudged Shane's elbow. "You okay?" He looked tired. She didn't want to pry but...

"Headache," he said, then decided to add, "haven't been sleeping."

"Coulda taken the day off," Kailim said.

Shane sighed. "Yeah, but Jas..."

Jas skipped past the bus stop, bouncing in the new flower princess dress Marnie had given her for the holiday. Shane couldn't miss out on this, even if he wanted to - headache be damned.

* * *

“You did such a good job, Jas!” Marnie bragged as Jas showed off her winning basket of twelve beautiful, hand-painted eggs.

“I think I counted wrong,” Jas confessed. “Don’t tell Ms. Penny. I thought I only had six.”

They all laughed. Shane ruffled Jas’ hair affectionately. “How about we head home before you stain everything with those purple hands of yours?”

“The eggs just do that,” Jas said, looking down at her hands; they were purple, blue, orange in some places where the egg dye had rubbed off. Willingly, her basket in tow, Jas followed Marnie through the thinning crowd. 

Shane lingered, waiting until they were out of earshot. “I’m gonna be late tomorrow.”

“Hm?” Kailim looked up, distracted from where her color-stained hands had made permanent marks on her jeans.

“Did you-”

“No.” Kailim grinned, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Let me know if you need the day off, okay?” She didn’t question his absence as they parted ways; Kailim knew how much energy therapy could take. What Shane needed afterward...well, if that was Hollyfrost, then so be it.

Kailim reached the farm just as the last rays of orange sunlight faded behind Cindersap Forest. The porch lamps clicked on. Kailim saw Yardstick through the window, fast asleep on the couch, and she was more than ready to join him.

Kailim’s hand jarred against the door. Right. Shane had locked it. Locking the door seemed silly out here but was a habit from the City that she just couldn’t shake; another was hiding a spare key in a flowerpot, which was handy for when she locked herself-

-out. She was locked out. The key wasn’t there. Oh no. No, no, no-

“Shit!” Kailim hissed. Her hand shook as she pulled out her phone.

_ Kailim: The spare key. _

_ Shane: On my way. _

Okay. It was fine. Shane would be there soon. Meanwhile, Kailim could settle on the porch steps and enjoy the beautiful...

...dark. Fuck, when had it gotten so dark? There was nothing in the darkness; no judgemental eyes staring back, no voices whispering lies, but...what if? What if the voices came back? What if she wasn’t as better as she thought? What would that complacency, that luxury cost her if she was wrong?

Footsteps startled Kailim’s thoughts. She gasped. Shane came up through the flourishing spring fields, hands buried deep in his pockets. Her wide-eyed stare froze him.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. Kailim stuck her hand out for the key. Was she mad? Shane couldn't tell as she unlocked the door, but she waited for him to follow her inside.

Just as Shane shut the door, Kailim tossed him something in a perfect arc. Despite his headache and sleep deprivation, he managed to catch it.

"What are these for?" Shane asked, holding up a key ring with two, three, four keys.

"House, coop, barn, front gate," Kailim answered, locking the door against the inky night. No voices, no eyes, but why risk it?

"Didn't know you had locks for everything."

"I only use the door key. But those are all my spares, so don't lose them."

The keys to Hollyfrost Farm suddenly weighed twenty pounds in Shane's hand. "I won't."

Kailim stifled a yawn, and Shane couldn’t help but mirror her; it would probably be 10 by the time he got back to Marnie’s, and then he still had to get rid of this damn headache before he could fall asleep. Tonight was going to be a long one, for sure.

“Catch.” 

Shane barely finished his yawn before Kailim threw a blanket at him. “What?”

“It’s late,” she said, nodding to the couch, “and you walked here. It’s the least I can do.”

“It’s my fault you got locked out.”

“Accidents happen.”

“I have to go to Zuzu tomorrow morning.” Fuck, why was he fighting her on this? Some part of him _wanted _to stay the night if for no reason other than her couch was _really _comfy. Yes, there were other reasons, but her couch was the most acceptable.

“Hollyfrost is closer to the bus stop.” She had him there, and Kailim knew it. She flicked off the kitchen light, then hesitated before shutting off the blub over the oven. Shane had settled onto the couch, petting the stray cat. “Need more pillows?”

“This is good,” he said. Kailim pulled the cords for the lamps, but Shane waved her away from the final one, next to the couch. “I’ll get it.”

Kailim smiled. She stood at the door to her bedroom and whistled for Yardstick. The dog leaped onto her bed, and Kailim leaned in the threshold. “There’s extra everything in the bathroom. Claim it if you need it.”

“Thanks.”

A beat of silence. “Goodnight, Shane.”

“Night.”

He waited for the door to close before turning off the lamp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I don't believe in getting better overnight. But Kailim and Shane are working on it.


	29. Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

Spring fought valiantly against the last vestiges of winter. The stubborn frost was eventually beaten back by warm sunshine; dormant bees woke, lured out by the promise of fresh flowers; strawberries began to fruit despite a chilly start. Stardew Valley finally threw off the frozen blanket of winter and went willingly towards a peaceful, productive springtime.

Well, productive, yes. Peaceful had yet to be seen.

Granny Evelyn blinked at Kailim expectantly from the rocking chair on Kailim’s front porch. The sun was barely over the mountains. Kailim hadn’t even put away the eggs or milk yet.

“The Flower Dance is in two days,” Evelyn said again. “Lewis spoke to you about the flower arrangements?”

Kailim set down the heavy pail of milk. Her hands were sore - she wasn’t used to doing the milking. Shane usually took that job, but today was a therapy day, and the cows weren’t known for being patient. “I was going to harvest the flowers today. It’ll take a while-”

“That sounds wonderful! You harvest, I’ll arrange!”

Kailim pinched the bridge of her nose. One quiet morning, that’s all she wanted. One morning to wake up rested, rather than strung out from a nightmare. Some nights were better than others; last night was not. Hell, and she still had to write that letter. “Evelyn, I don’t have the barrels yet-”

The roaring engine of a truck could be heard coming up the road. Kailim watched as Mayor Lewis’ truck turned into her driveway, empty flower barrels in the bed.

“Damnit.” Kailim needed more coffee.

* * *

Shane wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at. Hollyfrost was usually quiet by the time he joined Kailim after therapy; maybe he would hear rustling from the fields or the steady thudding of a fence going up, and he’d know where to find Kailim. But now...

Shane had to look past Granny Evelyn on the porch next to a mountain of blue jazz; beyond where Yardstick was tail-deep in flower-clippings; finally, he found Kailim, drowning under an armful of daffodils and he rushed over to catch a cluster just as they fell.

Kailim peeked around the flowers. “Hey you.”

“Hi,” Shane said, splitting the daffodils with Kailim and following her up to floral ground zero. “I didn’t know we were doing this today.”

“Me either,” Kailim growled, but her shoulders weren’t tense, and the frown didn’t reach her eyes. Kailim set down her flowers on the porch, heading inside the house. “That should be enough, Evelyn, but let me know if you need more.”

“Thank you, sweetheart!” Evelyn called. “Oh, and happy birthday, Shane!”

Shane winced. He thought he was in the clear. Of course not. “Thanks.” If he was lucky, maybe Kailim hadn’t heard. They didn’t need to celebrate another year of disappointing-- Shane caught himself. This year didn’t have to be a disappointment, but what else was there?

Kailim came back out with a plate of pepper poppers - homemade, knowing Kailim - and glasses of sparkling juice. They scattered themselves on the porch in the springtime sunshine. Shane wasn’t much use at the flower arranging part, but he moved the barrels for Evelyn whenever she finished filling one. Kailim wove the flower crown that always went to Emily, then started work on another, smaller crown. The farm was quiet, the air sweet with harvested flowers. Bees ventured over to explore the porch. Yardstick chased the cat under the house.

Shane was tired and leaned his head back against the house for a moment. He hadn’t been sleeping well, but the sunshine was warm and making him doze. Shane could rest easy here. Honestly, of most birthdays in recent memory - those he  _ could _ remember, anyway - this one was by far the most peaceful. Right-feeling. Unpressured.

Promising. If the rest of the year was like this, then maybe he could use the word promising.

Shane woke when Kailim stepped over him. Granny Evelyn was gone; so were the flower barrels. The sun was brushing against Cindersap Forest.

“Morning, sunshine,” Kailim teased, sliding down next to him. “Tired?”

Shane’s body was stiff, but not tired. “Guess so. Haven’t been sleeping well. Dr. Adair said that might happen if I went cold turkey.”

Kailim just nodded. She held out something, offering it to Shane. “You like hot stuff, right?”

Raw hot peppers, except they were darker than they should be. “These aren’t in season.”

“I have a few pots inside. These are supposed to be extra spicy.”

Shane hesitantly took the pepper. “You wanna just...?”

“Well, I didn’t make you a birthday cake, so...yeah.”

Shane shook his head, biting back a smile. This was miles better than a birthday cake.

They suffered together through their mistake; the pepper was not to be trifled with and ended with two empty milk glasses and Kailim's head pressed to the cold surface of her kitchen table. She sighed: her lungs burned on the exhale.

Shane fared better, but not by much. At least he was vertical. "We have to grow those in the summer.”

Kailim opened one eye. “I almost died.”

“You lived,” Shane said. “Think of the chutney, Kailim.”

“Fuck your tastebuds.” She poured herself another glass of milk from the fridge. Despite her wounded tongue, Kailim would eat twelve more peppers to save this moment: a smiling Shane, a cool spring evening, and a litany of laughter between them.

“Kailim?”

She shook her head to clear the thought. “Sorry, yeah?”

“That pepper messed you up,” Shane chuckled, grabbing his jacket off the chair. “I think Marnie had dinner planned for my birthday, so I should get going. She’d probably kill me if I didn’t invite you.”

Kailim considered it, really considered it, but she had been putting off that letter for too long. “Don't think I can stomach anything after that pepper.”

“No hard feelings,” Shane said, pulling open the front door. “See you tomorrow?”

Kailim came over to see him off, taking the handle from him as he stepped out onto the porch. “Always. And Shane?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy birthday.”

Kailim didn’t know what made her do it. Maybe it was the orange sunset backlighting her friend in an ethereal halo. Maybe it was the memory of his smiling face moments before, and wanting to recreate that expression. Maybe it was sheer stupidity.

Whatever it was, Kailim stretched up on her tippy-toes, breaching the bubble of personal space that she and Shane always kept, and pressed a quick kiss to his stubbly cheek. Then, she waved goodnight and shut the door.

And Shane...stood there. Was... Had that... Fuck, did he even know how to use words anymore? Shane blinked at the closed door. A birthday kiss. Okay, he could handle that—a friendly, cute, affectionate birthday kiss.

But even as he turned around and made his way through the blossoming fields, Shane could feel the Kailim-sized hole in his personal space, permanently seared there by the same heat still covering right cheek. 

And he'd be lying if he said he didn't want more.

* * *

Kailim fanned her face; the house was suddenly sweltering, or maybe that was the pepper coming back for round two.

She had to focus, though. There was no time to think about Shane or the half-smile that lit up his face when she kissed him, or the way her lips tingled even now. She could deal with the consequences of her actions later, at some point - maybe never, depending on Shane.

For now, Kailim sat at the kitchen table, pen poised over paper, unsure how to start. For the sake of the Community Center, Kailim had a favor to ask.


	30. Heat Wave

Heat Wave

Summer - rather than creep in on gentle breezes - leaped over the months and appeared one morning to strangle Pelican Town mercilessly with hot days and steamy nights.

Kailim thought the Spring crops would have at least another two weeks. As it stood, Shane was out watering hot peppers and melons instead of blueberries.

Kailim sighed. At least she was in the shade. But Old Red's engine was hot, and there was hardly a breeze passing under the great oak. If Kailim could just finish replacing the battery, then maybe she'd be able to work on the sprinkler system, and then perhaps everything would cool down, even a little bit. As if mocking her, proud summer insects sang from the bushes.

Kailim wiped her brow with her shirt hem, smeared grease across her forehead, then gave up on the shirt altogether, pulling it off and tossing it onto the fencepost. Her sports bra was soaked, too, but there wasn't much she could do about that. A final, futile fan of her face, and then Kailim was elbow deep in the engine once again.

If Kailim was baking under the shade tree, then Shane was roasting alive. Shane poured the last remaining water over a scraggly hot pepper bush; that should do it, at least for now. Hopefully, he and Kailim would be able to fix the sprinkler system soon. Shane didn’t know life without it and took the luxury for granted. 

As he headed up the fields, Shane stopped to admire their fledgling orchard. Bees buzzed around the fruit trees, favoring the orange and peach blossoms. If they were lucky, maybe they would see fruit this season.

Shane heard a curse from under the oak tree. Kailim had been working on Old Red since dawn. Cars weren’t his wheelhouse, or else he’d be in that engine with her. As it stood, Shane would probably just get in the way.

He turned to see why the engine was a ‘Yoba-damned piece of shit,’ and dropped the watering can on his foot. Shane’s brain short-circuited. First, panic - Kailim wasn’t wearing a shirt. Second - Kailim was pure muscle from all the farm work, and he couldn’t tell if it was terror or arousal that made his core clench. Finally, realization - Kailim had called out to him, and he was standing there with his teeth in his mouth. Stumbling over the watering can, Shane joined her in the shade.

“Dropped a washer,” she said, voice muffled. “Gonna drop another if I move.”

“On it.” Shane crawled under the truck, thankful that this angle obscured Kailim from his vision. Fuck, what had gotten into him? One friendly kiss and his mind suddenly jumped to every conclusion. Kailim was his friend, his boss; he owed her so much, and how did he repay her? By a lack of self-control, that was how.

“Shane? Washer?”

Damnit. And wasting her time - that too. Shane found the washer in the grass and shimmied to freedom, passing the washer to Kailim’s waiting hand. In a matter of seconds, Kailim had the battery terminal assembled and leaned far over to ratchet the parts together. Shane had to look away.

“Finally, that should do her!” Kailim sighed, dropping the hood in triumph.

“You know what doesn’t need a battery?” Shane teased. “A horse.”

Kailim frowned as she gathered up her tools. Yes, she had Robin building a hardwood lean-to shed, but it was for tools, not horses. “Fuck horses.”

Shane chuckled. “Fair enough. So what’s-” his mouth went dry mid-sentence as Kailim pulled her shirt back on. “Uh. What’s next?”

“Sprinklers.” Toolbox in hand, she smiled. “At least we can play in the water.”

* * *

Yoba did they ‘play’ in the water. The sprinkler leak sprung halfway between the fields and the orchard, buried a foot underground and pierced by a stray sapling root. Many curses, a muddy dog, and one sink-hole later, the leak was patched.

As Shane and Kailim covered the water line in fresh dirt, Robin found them. “Any luck?” she asked. Kailim just grunted. “Well, I got the framing done for your stable-”

“Shed,” Kailim said.

“Right. Shed. Anyway, Demetrius and I have a date tonight at the saloon, so I’ve gotta head out.”

Shane took over, packing the dirt while Kailim squinted up at Robin. “Dragged him out of his research, finally?”

Robin beamed. “Finally.”

“Have fun! Make good choices! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Kailim waved Robin down the path. Thank Yoba Robin was getting out tonight; she deserved some attention. “How about we load up for the Community Center and call it a day?”

Shane glanced at the setting sun; it sure wasn’t getting any cooler. “Sounds good.”

* * *

Watching the Junimos work never got old. Shane thought that maybe if he didn’t blink, he’d be able to see exactly how the sprites blew away years of age and weathering. As it stood, he still blinked against the wind and was no closer to understanding the magic.

Regardless of his understanding, the furnace and bulletin board were restored by the time Kailim locked the door. It was dark, and Kailim lingered in the blessedly cool night air.

“We’re getting there,” Shane gestured to the Community Center. “But I was thinking...” Kailim tilted toward him, and he couldn’t meet her eyes, instead squinting intensely at the building as if they forgot something. Every time he glanced at her, all he could see was an image of her shirtless, sweating, and Kailim deserved better than that. Shane cleared his throat. “What if Lewis already signed a contract with Joja. The employment contracts are a legal mess; I can’t imagine what a property agreement would look like.”

Kailim shrugged. “I know someone. Wrote him a letter, so he might help.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“Then we go old fashioned. Chain ourselves to the posts and swallow the key.” Kailim slammed the truck bed shut, punctuating the topic. However, judging by a lack of response up to this point, Kailim wasn’t very hopeful that her first letter had been well-received. They very well could be on their own against a legal nightmare. “Need a ride home?”

Before Shane could answer, Kailim squinted at a figure coming up the road from Pelican Town. Her heart sank. “Are you kidding me?” Kailim whispered. Shane, not seeing how this was any of his business, crawled into the cab of Old Red.

“He forgot,” Kailim said, loud enough for Robin to hear.

Robin jumped. “Oh, Kailim! You scared me!”

“It hasn’t been an hour, Robin. What’s the excuse this time?”

For a moment, Robin looked ready to explain, to wave away the troubles, but she slumped. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him.”

“Come here,” Kailim reached out, wrapping Robin in a tight hug. There was so much to say, but Kailim wasn’t sure which phrase to pick. “Something has to change.”

Robin sighed, nodded, then pulled away and wiped her eyes. “I don’t know how.”

Kailim didn’t either. “Come on. We’ll give you a ride home.”

Shane hopped in the truck bed to make room in the cab for Robin. Kailim guided them gently up the mountain road, windows rolled down to let in the fresh summer air. By the time they reached Robin’s house, the porch lights were on; a shape could be seen moving inside Demetrius’ laboratory. Robin stared at the window.

“A lot is changing right now,” Kailim said. “Stuff with the farm, the town, me, Shane - everyone, really. And it  _ sucked _ at first. Yoba, did it suck. But it’s getting better.”

“Where do I even start, Kailim?”

“Wherever you can.”

Robin was smiling when Kailim looked over - barely, weakly, but it was there nonetheless. Robin squeezed Kailim’s hand as she climbed out of the cab. “You make a good counselor.”

Kailim laughed as Shane hopped in. “Yeah, well, I won’t quit my day job.”

Robin disappeared into the house. Kailim waited; waited until she could see two figures outlined through the covered laboratory windows. Only then did she throw Old Red into reverse and head back down the mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there was going to be a Flower Dance chapter, but it was being rude. It might get uploaded one day.  
Also, I pinky promise that in exchange for your patience, we have about two chapters until a *thing* happens. You're welcome.


	31. Fireworks

Fireworks

“Do you have a dictionary?”

Shane blinked, rolling his gaze over to Kailim. “Why?”

“Because I’m pretty sure this is the definition of bad idea, but I need to be sure.”

They watched Sam and Sebastian organize their hoard of fireworks - probably ill-gained, but nobody wanted to ask. “Eh, give it five minutes and we’ll find out.”

For better or for worse, Shane was probably right. Kailim poured another glass of juice and settled in on the palm leaf dance floor. The Luau had been a success. After, the Governor and Mayor Lewis escaped to schmooze over dinner, and all the responsible adults left at sunset. What remained were the circumstances for poor decisions championed by Sebastian and Sam and silently endorsed by everyone else.

“Are fireworks legal in city limits?” Kailim called out to Sam. He just laughed. “Fair enough.”

Jas sat next to Kailim and Shane, brimming with excitement. “I’ve never seen fireworks before!”

“They make bigger ones than this,” Kailim told her. “These are more like little firecrackers. We’ll have to take you to a real show sometime.”

“They do shows at gridball games,” Shane suggested. Jas bounced again in her seat.

Kailim nudged Shane. “Please go help them before they blow something up.” Sam was looking down the live-end of a roman candle, and although there were no matches in sight, it made Kailim nervous.

Shane groaned - he certainly wasn’t cut out to be the responsible one here - but got up anyway and headed down the beach.

Jas scooted closer to Kailim, fiddling with a palm leaf. Kailim wrapped an arm around her. “Is the Luau your favorite holiday, Jas?”

She nodded. “I like the Feast of the Winter Star, but I remember the Luau from when I was real little.”

“Baby Jas at the Luau sounds cute."

“Kinda. I wasn't born here,” Jas shook her head, folding the palm leaf over again. “I came to live with Aunt Marnie when my parents died.”

Kailim blinked. Bit her tongue, staring at the waves that crashed gently on the moonlit shore. Shit. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jas. You know, my momma died when I was about your age. It’s hard.”

Jas shrugged, tearing her leaf into two. The child was unphased. “I have pictures. I miss them. But Mom and Dad made sure Shane took care of me. They were friends. He’s my godfather. And he brought us to live with Aunt Marnie, so they’re my family now.”

Kailim was deep into ‘oh shit’ territory and hitting every landmine on her way out. Maybe Jas didn’t understand what she had said. “Wait, Shane's your what?”

“Godfather.”

“Do you know what that is?”

“The person who takes care of you if your parents die?” Jas finally looked up at Kailim, confused. “Right? That’s what Aunt Marnie said.”

A bright, blinding firework shot off over the ocean, leaving a blue and gold trail of sparks in its wake. Sam laughed as three more trailed after it. Jas squealed in delight. Soon, the sky was filled with explosions and sparkles vying for attention amidst a sea of stars glimmering off the ocean. A thin layer of smoke and sulfur settled over the beach. Kailim let Jas point out each new shape and color. For the finale, Sam fashioned a mega firework from four roman candles and some duct tape. As the fuses lit, the three men ran like hell up the beach.

The resulting explosion was glorious. Kailim barely had her hands over Jas’ ears in time for the technicolor ‘pop’ as the firework soared across the ocean.

Then it was time for a speedy escape before they found out whether or not fireworks were legal in city limits. Kailim packed up the picnic, Shane threw Jas into a piggyback and they hauled ass up the beach, passing on the edge of town lest they run into an angry Mayor Lewis.

Marnie, when she opened the door, pretended like she hadn’t heard the noise for Jas’ sake, but shot disapproving glances at Shane and Kailim before taking the child to bed. Kailim and Shane laughed.

“Help me finish this?” Kailim offered the bottle of carbonated orange juice she had been working on, and they soon found themselves on the pier in Cindersap Pond, toes dangling in the cool water.

“That was idiotic,” Shane said. Kailim nodded, but her head was somewhere else, thoughts blown out by the fireworks and land mines. She ‘hmm’d and took another sip of sparkling juice. “What?”

Kailim opened her mouth. Shut it. Opened it again, but the words weren’t there. Not eloquent ones, anyway. “Jas is your goddaughter.”

Yeah, not eloquent. 

Next to her, Shane's heart sank. He hunched over and stared into the lake’s reflection. There was no running away from that one. “Yeah. I was good friends with her parents. I said yes when she was born because you never think...”

A cricket sang in the distance. Shane waited, but Kailim didn't pursue the topic. He fidgeted.

"I know, I should have told you," Shane said. Kailim was quiet. This was his opportunity to shut up. "And I should have done a better job caring for her. Believe me, we were all disappointed...again."

"Shane."

"I meant to tell you. But it never seemed like the right time."

"Shane-"

"And I didn't think Jas would still remember, or even care. I dumped her on Marnie. Who would forgive someone after-"

"Shane!" 

Kailim’s hand found her way into his with a hard squeeze. Shane peered up from his reflection, only to find Kailim’s piercing gaze staring into the deepest parts of him; rather than invasive or intimidating, however, this time it felt...comforting.

“You’re doing better,” another squeeze. Man, he hoped his hands weren’t sweaty. “That’s what matters.”

And for a second - a fraction of a moment in which her hand slid from his and he almost reached out - he believed her. And that belief lingered.


	32. A Summer Storm

A Summer Storm

Mother Nature was kind to Hollyfrost as the summer baked on.

Kind, despite the humidity. And the summer insects that made lunch of the pepper leaves. And the triple-digit temperatures. But at least it hadn't stormed, Kailim thought as she opened the front door to a bright, calm morning. The air was fresh, and it was blessedly silent.

Too silent; no birds chirping, insects screaming, wind blowing. Carefully, wary of what she might find, Kailim peered towards the mountains.

A wall of thick clouds swallowed the sky in a rigid, inky line.

"Fuck."

Their only blessing was this time Shane and Kailim could prepare. Coop secured, barn locked tight, gates and windows reinforced. Kailim herded Yardstick and the cat into the house just as the heavens opened. Fat raindrops pelted the dusty earth. A wind whipped up; Kailim stumbled down the porch steps.

Shane struggled to pull a tarp over the half-finished stable-shed. A gust of wind tore the plastic from his hands, but Kailim appeared through the dust and rain to catch the edge. Together, they tied down the essentials, then sprinted for the house.

Rain beat against the roof, rendering the windows useless. Kailim made coffee, and they both parked themselves at the kitchen table to catch glimpses of destruction through the storm.

"It's silly," Kailim said. "I knew the storm was coming, and I still didn't feel prepared."

Shane thought back to the last monsoon. That was only a year ago, but it felt further away - a lot had changed. "Not much you can do against Mother Nature. Buckle up and ride out the worst."

"Hope we come through the other side," Kailim said, turning away from the window. "Come on. There's plenty to do in here." Pierre had ordered another bunch of bouquets, and this was as good a time as any to work on them.

"I've never seen someone buy one of these," Shane said as he tied two sunflower heads together.

Kailim had made three bouquets in the time it took him to create one. She glanced up from her fourth. "I think Pierre sells them to the city. They love country flowers, I guess."

Shane shrugged. Outside, a branch rolled by like a tumbleweed. He was surprised that Kailim wasn’t fidgeting more. She seemed surprisingly calm despite the thunder and lightning.

The storm raged on into the evening. Shane's hands were raw from the florist tape, but with a stack of bouquets between them, the pain was worth it.

Kailim cleared the table, then yawned. "You know where the extra blankets are?"

Shane nodded. Kailim's couch had become familiar by now; how one side sunk further than the other, the left arm was squishier than the right arm, and Yoba help you if you settled into the middle seat. At least once a week - when the hell had that happened? - Shane found himself crashing on her couch after a long day in the fields. This night was no different.

Shane stared at the ceiling. The cat curled up on the back of the couch, perched above Shane like a furry gargoyle. At least it wasn't staring at him.

And that was as close to sleep as Shane got, listening to the patter of rain on the roof. Maybe he dozed, but that wasn't real rest. The insomnia started when the drinking stopped. Without alcohol to send it to bed, his mind wandered as if it had forgotten how to turn off without some help.

The clock on the stove glowed 3:28 when Kailim's bedroom door cracked open. Shane lifted his head, and Kailim froze halfway out.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" She asked; her voice was soft, groggy with a slight edge.

"Nah," Shane said, "couldn't sleep."

Kailim shuffled over, running a hand over the sleeping cat. "Do you need anything? More pillows, another blanket-"

"I just haven't been sleeping well," he propped himself up. At his confession, Kailim let herself sink, burying her face into the couch back.

"Me neither. Nightmares."

Shane made a decision. They weren't going to sleep anyway. He patted the spot next to him on the couch, then stood to start a small fire.

When the flames were crackling gently over a fresh log, he turned to find Kailim curled up on the couch, legs to chest, and chin resting atop her knees. The couch never seemed to swallow her up like it did him. He sat down, unsure of where to put his hands. She was so close; any personal space he had seemed to be occupied by Kailim, and Shane didn't really mind.

"Tired?" Kailim asked. Shane shook his head. Yardstick padded into the room, then hopped up on the couch next to Kailim. She scooted over to make room for the dog; scooted closer to Shane. Her hip brushed his, then nestled against it.

"These nightmares are ridiculous. I wish I was better already," Kailim said. "It's like I've moved on, but my mind is still catching up. Does that make sense?"

Shane felt the same way. He remembered sitting in Dr. Adair's overstuffed armchair a week ago, saying almost those exact words. "It's like breaking a habit," Shane said. "Like, just because you don't want to bite your nails anymore doesn't mean you can stop cold turkey. Takes time. Your body is used to the motion. We have to retrain ourselves."

Kailim twisted to look at him. "You've got a good therapist."

"She's better than that. That's just all I can remember right now. There was something about synapses and growing new ones, too."

"Yeah, sounds familiar," Kailim chuckled, leaning her head on Shane's shoulder. The motion was comfortable, done without any real thought. She felt for a reaction; if this was unwanted-

Shane finally knew what to do with his hands. He wrapped an arm around Kailim's shoulder; she curled closer.

Outside, thunder clapped. Rain raged against the windows. Outside, the world shook and tumbled, and Kailim thought she should probably be worrying about the crops, the flowers, the chickens, and cows. But there was nothing that could be done right now. Instead, her eyes fluttered closed against the warmth and comfort of Shane.

Inside, Yardstick yawned. Flames faded in the fireplace. Inside, the world shrank until all that mattered was a couch and the people on it.

And when Shane was reasonably sure that Kailim had dozed, he gathered the courage to press his lips to the crown of her head - she smelled like rich earth after rain, and fresh flowers - as a thank you for the birthday kiss he still thought about every night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news, bad news, good news situation, folks.  
Good news: I suddenly have lots of writing time.  
Bad news: I have writing time because of a city quarantine in my state due to COVID-19. So stay safe and smart, everyone.  
Good news: we're getting close to an exciting chapter. I'm in the mood for some mush, and passion and all the raunch, so buckle up buttercups! Let me know what you thought of this. I love hearing from y'all.


	33. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: PG-13 musings and contact. Finally.

Finally

That rainstorm was all it took to cool off Pelican Town. In the following days, the temperatures dropped steadily until Shane noticed the old oak on Hollyfrost outlined in a tinge of orange. Did the trees always change gradually, or had he just never noticed? As it stood, Cindersap Forest was shaking on a chilly wind as Shane opened the door to Marnie’s house.

A purple blur shot in from the sitting room. “Jellies!” Jas squealed, bouncing in front of Shane. “I wanna go to the beach now!”

Shane chuckled. Marnie clucked her tongue from behind her cash register. “Jas, it’s hardly sunset. We can leave after dark, okay?”

Jas whined, but nodded. Shane knelt down, offering her the bag in his hand. “How about you open this instead?” Jas hesitated before accepting the gift.

“How’d it go in Zuzu?” Marnie asked him gently. They didn’t really talk about his therapy, and certainly not in front of Jas, but Shane knew Marnie cared. She meant well, at the very least.

“Finished early, so I stopped somewhere on my way home.” He nodded to where Jas was lifting the lid off a pink shoebox.

Jas gasped, holding out the pink bedazzled slippers like they were a bar of gold. “These are real bunny-jewel slippers! I can’t believe you found a pair!” She launched over the box, shoes still in hand. Tiny arms wrapped around Shane. “Thank you!”

“I knew you wanted them.”

Jas slipped the shoes on and ran to get her bunny-jewel dolls to show Shane. Marnie smiled. “You’re looking sharp, Shane,” she said. "Better."

Shane wouldn’t define himself as ‘better,’ yet, but he felt better, that’s for sure. He had even looked at himself in the mirror that morning - really looked, examined like he hadn’t in so many years, and wasn't sickened by what he saw: definition, muscles, fewer rolls. Not perfect, but...better. At least he could stand to look.

“I’m just trying to do better,” Shane said. His throat tightened. “Speaking of which... I wanted to say thank you for not kicking my dumb ass out. It helps to know there are people I can rely on when things get rough.” Marnie smiled. She reached over the counter and squeezed his hand as Jas ran back in with her dolls. Chest tight, Shane sat on the floor next to Jas.

It was dark by the time a soft knock rattled the door, and Kailim poked her head inside the ranch house. She snorted at what she found inside: Shane, surrounded by sparkly bunny toys and a plastic hair clip snapped to the cowlick on the back of his head. “Where’s my camera?”

Shane pulled the hair clip off. “Not a chance.”

“Yes, we can go now!” Jas cheered. She stopped mid-jump when Kailim shut the door behind her. “Wow...Kailim, you look so pretty!”

Shane couldn’t help but agree. He stared as Jas gathered up her toys. The fact that Kailim even owned a dress - let alone a _ red _ dress - was currently more than the lizard part of his brain could handle. He didn't know what to drink in first: the freckled shoulders under thin straps, the firm thighs halfway hidden by a pesky hemline, or the way her legs seemed to go on for days. But the best part was back at the top: the red dress made Kailim’s smile beam even brighter, and the green of her eyes almost blinding. It took all the willpower Shane had to look away.

Kailim blushed. She hadn’t worn the dress in years and was surprised that it still fit. “Yeah...Yardstick found a mud puddle and then found my clean laundry, so this was all I had left.”

“It looks good, Kailim,” Marnie said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She nudged Shane with a wink. “Well, I’m ready if ya’ll are.”

That snapped Shane back to his senses. He held the door open, then locked it behind them as the girls started down the path through Cindersap Forest. Kailim tapped on her glow ring and led them through the dark. Walking behind Kailim was almost worse; the way her dress swayed higher, showing just an extra centimeter of skin, was too much. 

Shane committed to staring at the ground. Since that birthday kiss, his feelings for Kailim had grown into a threatening tidal wave: something that was always there, lingering, threatening to sweep him out to sea if he let his guard down for too long. If it was terror that made his chest tighten every time he looked at Kailim, then Shane couldn’t decide what was scarier: that he was _feeling _ again, or that he might lose his best friend if he acted on those feelings.

Crowds littered the beach by the time they arrived. Jas rushed down the dock, pulling Kailim by the hand. The child had no trouble ducking between people, but Kailim almost smacked into Alex and Sebastian before she made it to the end. Mayor Lewis was already preparing the candle boat. Jas chose a spot at the furthest end of the dock, settling in by the time Shane found them.

“Sit here, Shane!” Jas scooted over to make room between her and Kailim. Shane had taken the walk to the beach to compose himself and figured that he could probably handle sitting next to Kailim.

Jas pointed out every shadow as they waited, leaning far enough over the edge of the dock that Shane felt like he needed to hold onto her dress. A cold wind blew in from the water, flickering the candles. Shadows danced over Kailim’s face when she smiled up at him.

“So,” she said, eyes shining with mischief, “I have to know something.”

Shane cleared his throat. “What’s that?”

“Do I look like someone put high heels on a chicken?”

Kailim was joking, but Shane felt his heart sink. She remembered. He couldn’t believe she remembered. Couldn’t believe that he would have said something so mean to such a wonderful woman. But before he could apologize, Mayor Lewis called for lights out.

Kailim blew out the candle nearest her. Her heart still jumped as the docks plunged into sudden darkness. Would it be weak to reach for Shane’s hand, to admit that she wanted comfort? To her surprise, when she looked up at Shane, she found his hand already held out, just in case.

“Doing okay?” He asked as Kailim wove her fingers between his.

“Better,” she admitted. “It won’t be dark for long.”

Sure enough, Jas cried out, ‘Jelly!’ shortly after that. Drawn to the candleboat, the Moonlight Jellies floated in on a reverent silence, rising from the depths to illuminate the dark beach. 

“Green jelly!” Someone - sounded like Vincent - shouted from down the dock. Jas tripped over herself as she ran to see. Kailim settled into their private dock corner, leaning her head on Shane’s shoulder in a sudden fit of ‘bravery.’ 

He was comfortable, stable, steady as they watched the jellies float by. More than the jellies, Kailim was acutely aware of her heart pounding against her ribcage. She felt they inch of where they touched, their hands wound together, hips nestled close, so natural and comfortable in their movements - all of that meant something, Kailim knew. It wasn’t fear of rejection that turned her stomach in knots - more like fear of ruining the best thing she’d had in years. Fear of scaring Shane away if he wasn’t ready, if everything was still too raw for him to consider...whatever this was.

“Hey,” Shane whispered. His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I said you looked like a chicken in high heels that one time. You don’t.”

Kailim chuckled. “I know, Shane. It’s okay.”

“You actually, um...” Shane’s tongue went tied. He stared at the glowing jellies. “You look really-” what word could possibly do Kailim justice? Strong? Sexy? Pretty? “-beautiful.”

Her heart stopped. Kailim laughed. “Don’t get used to it. I’m never wearing this again.”

“I mean, in general.”

Kailim looked up suddenly, surprised. Shane was closer than she expected, mere inches from her face, and Kailim took in a soft gasp. This close, she noticed how bright his eyes were, now that no bags hung under them. He looked rested.

Shane hadn’t meant to freeze time, didn’t really know where this new power of his had come from, but it was now or never. Kailim’s eyes fluttered closed, lips parted and all he wanted was-

“Green jelly!” Jas screamed. Kailim and Shane jumped hard, foreheads smacking together before Jas pushed them apart, pointing out into the ocean where a green jelly had appeared.

Kailim wheezed with laughter, falling back against the dock even as Jas implored her to look. But Yoba, all the anxiety, and tension bled out through Kailim’s belly laughs, and her frustration too. They were so close, so fucking close...

Shane didn’t think it was very funny, but couldn’t help laughing along with Kailim, even as the green jelly faded, and the rest followed suit. Candles on the beach soon found their flames again, and the hush that fell over the crowd was broken as further down the dock, Sam pushed Sebastian into the water.

“What’s funny?” Jas asked, hands on her hips. “Did you see the green jelly?”

“It’s nothing, Jas,” Kailim said, wiping a tear from her face. “Come on, it’s late.” Jas let Shane lift her onto his back as they walked up the dock. They found Marnie talking to Lewis on the beach.

“Would you be able to take Jas home?” Marnie asked them.

“Uh, yeah,” Shane said, adjusting the already dozing child. “Gonna be home late?”

“It’s just a nice night...for a walk,” Marnie said. Kailim squinted at her friend - her obviously lying friend.

“That’s fine,” Shane looked back at Kailim. “Heading home?”

“I’ll walk you to the ranch,” Kailim said, then followed Shane as they left Mayor Lewis and Marnie on the beach.

A breeze scattered leaves across their path. Kailim listened to the trees rustle, and an owl crying overhead. Most of all, she heard the thick silence that fell between her and Shane. When Kailim risked a glance at Shane, she didn’t feel much better; his brow was furrowed, eyes secured firmly on the path ahead. What the hell was he thinking?

By the time they reached the ranch, Jas was fast asleep. Shane let them into the farmhouse. Kailim lifted Jas from Shane’s back and carried her to her room. Shane pulled back Jas’ blankets, and Kailim laid the child down in bed, careful to tuck her in with a stuffed animal.

Then, Kailim and Shane stood in the front room. Shane’s legs felt heavy, glued to the floor. “You’ll be okay walking home?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s not too far,” Kailim said. A beat of silence. She opened the front door. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. Kailim hesitated, waiting - Shane felt each moment drag by, pulling heavier and heavier on his body until he could hardly breathe. But how was he supposed to freeze time again, to create that perfect moment from the dock? Maybe it was a one-time thing, something that Kailim would rather they not repeat. He watched Kailim step over the threshold, watched her hand linger on the doorknob.

The door clicked shut behind her, and Shane snapped. He couldn’t let this go.

Kailim hadn’t taken three steps when she heard the door open. She turned halfway until strong hands spun her into Shane. His lips found hers somewhere in the middle.

Kailim tasted sweet, Shane thought as his hands cupped her face to keep her close. Sweet, like the juice she made, or like the melons from the field when they were fresh. Sweeter still was the way she gasped as his tongue slipped past to chase that taste. She was everything he imagined and more; the softness of her skin, her warmth, the little noises she made that only encouraged Shane's brief confidence. The woman under his hands was all Kailim, and fuck, was she worth waiting for.

Kailim gasped. Shane pulled away for air, eyes still shut tight. Maybe if he didn’t open them, they could stay here forever, her soft body pressed so close that he swore he could feel Kailim’s heartbeat against his. As the silence went on - his heavy breathing, her hammering heart - Shane’s mind caught up to his body. What had he done?

“Don’t apologize,” Kailim whispered. 

Shane sighed, laying his head on her shoulder. Her arms found his waist, but he hesitated to lean into the embrace. “Was that okay?”

Kailim laughed; her breath fanned over his face. “Yoba, yes, Shane. Yes.”

He believed her. “Does this change anything?”

There it was, the million-dollar question. Shane’s heart stopped, hung suspended as he waited for the answer. If this was too much, too fast, he would understand. He could be patient for her, whatever she needed.

“Only in the ways you want it to change,” Kailim whispered. Shane looked down; Kailim seemed so small, the way she nervously toyed with the collar of his shirt. “We can figure it out together, but if it’s ever too much...we’ll go slow, okay?”

Shane nodded, relieved for a million different reasons, and unable to vocalize a single one of them. With shaking hands, he pulled Kailim forward. “Can I kiss you again?”

Shane thought he might never tire of hearing her say, “Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get to write Shane and Kailim kisses now! Finally! I really, really want to know what y'all thought about this. Let me know!


	34. Fuck Horses

Fuck Horses

"Abso-fucking-lutely not," Kailim said, slamming the door to the chicken coop behind her. "Marnie, this is a farm, not an animal shelter."

Kailim did not have time to deal with this. Today was the first official day of fall, and there was too much to plant, to prune, to harvest. The last thing Kailim needed was another responsibility piled onto that.

Marnie followed behind as Kailim stormed back to the house. "But Kailim, you've got the stable, and a fence-"

"It's a shed!"

"But I don't have room, and if it goes back to its owner, it'll be made into glue."

"Good!" Kailim sat her eggs down on the porch, prepared to make a final stand against Marnie. "At least then, it will be useful."

"Just give the poor thing a chance, Kailim!"

"Marnie, I will not have an old, useless demon-horse on my property, taking up valuable space in my brand new-" Kailim spun to make her point, stopping mid-gesture. "-shed."

Shane had Jas propped up on the fence, supporting her while she rubbed the horse’s nose. He smiled - really smiled, reaching his eyes - and Jas laughed. She remembered last night in front of Marnie’s ranch and felt her face warm with the memory.

Fuck it, Kailim was doomed.

"Damn, damn!" Kailim said as she pushed past Marnie. "You owe me a new shed."

Kailim lingered away from the fence, watching as Jas held out a flat palm with an apple slice. The horse gently took the treat. Shane gave Jas another slice before he noticed Kailim.

"It's your responsibility," she told Shane. "I want nothing to do with it."

Shane smiled in thanks - Kailim thought about getting another horse, just to see that expression again. "We need to name him," Shane told Jas. 

"Bunny," Jas said with such finality that no one thought to argue. The horse huffed at the name. “He likes it!”

“Come on,” Shane hefted Jas down from the fence. “You have to get to school. You’re late enough as is.”

Jas whined, reaching for a last pat on Bunny’s nose. “Ms. Penny won’t miss me.”

“Yes, she will,” Marnie insisted. “We’re not starting the school year like this.”

Marnie led Jas down the path to the ranch, between a fruiting orchard and blooming sunflowers. Yardstick chased after them. Kailim breathed in the crisp autumn air, letting the last of her anger fade.

The horse whinnied loudly, inches away from Kailim’s ear. Kailim jumped, smacking into Shane. He stumbled but managed to catch them both. “Yoba, I hate horses!”

Shane chuckled. His hands lingered on her waist, but he let go; Marnie could still turn around and see, and he didn’t really feel like explaining something that they didn’t fully understand yet. “I have to know: why?”

“I was raised around them,” Kailim said as he climbed the fence. Marnie had brought enough hay and feed to get the horse settled, and Shane went to work storing it in the built-in cabinets that were supposed to house Kailim’s flower bulbs. “Grandpa had horses back when I was little. I know how to act around them, how to not startle them, how to ride them.”

“And?”

“And I have been bucked, bitten, kicked, charged, and even trampled, all before the age of thirteen. Horses and I just don’t get along.”

“Maybe Bunny will be different,” Shane said.

“And maybe I’ll keep my distance.”

“Well, I like them,” Shane reached out a hand, and the horse nuzzled it affectionately. “So, thanks.”

“Like I said, it’s all yours. Find something useful for this thing to do,” Kailim told him as she headed back to the house.

Shane took a moment to watch her go, to admire the way her sweater bunched around her hips to show the perfect curve of her ass in her farm jeans. It felt surreal that he was  _ allowed _ to look now. It hadn’t been 24 hours since their kiss, but he already found himself missing the sensation of her pressed against him.

Honestly, he missed it last night the moment she left, but patience was key here, he told himself. Mostly because, despite being  _ allowed _ to reach out now, he still didn’t quite know how.

Kailim settled on the porch with the morning’s mail, watching Shane work over the edge of the letters. He cooed to the horse, slipping it another apple slice. Kailim smiled; definitely worth it.

The letters consisted of a single page ad from Pierre’s, a multi-page ad from Joja, and a note from Mayor Lewis asking for some truffle oil. Okay, that was a little weird...but maybe the traveling merchant in Cindersap Forest would have some next time she stopped by. Kailim made a mental note to check and was about to stand and start the day in earnest when a fourth letter fell from the pages of the Joja ad.

Familiar script adorned the front; formal, blocky, thick, like the writer was pressing too hard with the prized fountain pen they always insisted on writing with. Kailim carefully opened the letter. She took a deep breath.

_ Kailim, _

_ Retirement at the Fern Island bungalows is lovely, thank you for asking. _

_ Avoiding the expected litany of ‘I told you so’s that are well deserved, I must admit that I’m glad you have finally come around to seeing things from my point of view. That being said, I am in retirement and do not plan on coming out of it any time soon. _

_ Send me a copy of the contract. _

_ With love, _

_ Dad _

Kailim sighed. Her shoulders suddenly felt weightless, and she fell back against the railing in relief. Thank Yoba, they didn’t have to do this on their own. However, getting the contract would be a whole other issue.

Shane came up to the house, having settled Bunny into his stall. Kailim was smiling, eyes closed and looking ethereal in the autumn sunshine. “What?” he asked.

“Remember that letter I wrote?”

Shane had to think for a moment - what was only a few months seemed like so long ago. “About the Community Center? To your friend?”

“Not quite,” Kailim handed him the letter. As he read it, she explained. “To my dad. He used to head Joja’s legal department.”

Shane squinted. Maybe he wasn’t reading the letter right. “Doesn’t sound like he really wants to help. Why would he go after his old company?”

“Because he left Joja like I did,” Kailim said, “on poor terms. We haven’t spoken since I started working for Joja; that was after his falling out with the company, and I didn’t heed his warnings. Hence the ‘I told you so’s. Long story short, he hates Joja like I hate horses. “

“So, he’ll help?”

“If we can get him the contract,” Kailim clarified.

Shane handed back the letter. “I don’t think Lewis and Morris are willing to just hand that out.”

“We’ll think of something,” Kailim tucked the letter into her back pocket, squeezing Shane’s hand as she passed. “Come on, we have planting to do.”

Kailim had been sprouting seedlings in the house for weeks, and today was the day to transfer them. She and Shane worked side by side in the fields, moving vegetable and flower sprouts to their new homes. Bees buzzed around the remaining summer flowers; the insects were likely waiting for the fairy roses and fall sunflowers to bloom.

Halfway through the southernmost field, Kailim stood, wiping a hand over her face. The sun beat down overhead, but a breeze blew through to combat the rays. She leaned on her shovel to admire their work - green fields, thick flowerheads ready to burst open any day now, and the chickens and cows combing through the pasture.

“I think it was about a year ago,” Kailim called to Shane. He squinted at her from the other side of the field.

“What?”

“A year ago, you started working here,” she clarified. Shane righted himself, stretching. A small strip of skin appeared at the hem of his shirt, and Kailim bit her lip until it disappeared.

“Guess so,” he shrugged. “Why?”

“A lot has changed.”

Shane had to agree with that, especially after last night. “It has. Think it was all for the better?”

“Yeah,” Kailim blessed him with a grin that made his heart stutter before she turned back to the seedlings. “Yeah, I do.”

They finished planting well after sunset when the sky was only streaks of purple, and the final summer lightning bugs began to flicker in the chilly air. Kailim brought the seedling trays back to the house while Shane watered the last rows. They converged at the front porch.

“The Fair is coming up soon,” Kailim said, twisting her hair off the back of her neck. “Will you pick a few things from the animals for the display?”

“‘Course.” Shane watched Kailim’s motions, caught himself staring at the length of skin she exposed. “Plans for tomorrow?”

“Orchard pruning,” she answered. “Will you be here in the morning?”

He shook his head. “No, I have to head into Dr. Adair’s.”

“Alright, then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

There was a split-second where Shane thought that was it; thought Kailim would go inside, and he would go home. Then she leaned forward and kissed him.

Shane couldn’t decide which he liked more: kissing Kailim or being kissed by her.

Shane’s skin exploded where Kailim ran her hand through his hair. What was meant to be a quick goodbye turned passionate as Shane’s hands found her hips by instinct, holding tight through the quick press of lips. He felt Kailim sigh, then meld her body to his.

Her body grounded him as his heart threatened to beat out his chest. The world stopped spinning. The cold wind, the ground they stood on, faded away. She was all those cliche things, and it was earth-shaking.

And she  _ wanted _ to kiss him - Shane couldn’t even wrap his head around that one.

“You think really loud,” Kailim whispered against his lips; he could feel her smile. “Have to work on that.”

Blind confidence surged through Shane. “Then get to work.” Kailim’s eyes flew open. Fuck. “Not that - you don’t need - um-” Kailim leaned her forehead to his chest, shaking with laughter. Shane felt his face heat up. “I’ll admit: that’s one of the dumber things I’ve said.”

“No, it was good, confident,” Kailim assured him in between giggles, “just unexpected. I’ll keep it in mind.” Kailim tilted to kiss Shane’s cheek, then gave his hand an extra squeeze. “Goodnight, Shane. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Shane was amazed. Kailim took his stupidity in stride, and he felt a dumb grin take over. Huh. “Yeah...night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note: I've upped the content rating to Explicit. I'll continue putting warnings at the beginnings of chapters. 
> 
> The explicit chapters will, in some ways, be pivotal to the story in terms of Shane and Kailim's relationship. Also, I don't write *explicitly* when writing sex scenes. On a scale of one to ten, my raunch level is probably a seven when writing. Just so y'all know what we're getting into.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	35. The Plot

The Plot

Kailim crossed her hands over the table like she was back at Joja in a board meeting. Except this wasn’t a mahogany desk - it was a splintering picnic table. And these weren’t board members - it was Sebastian, Sam, and Shane, and all three were looking at her like she was insane.

“I’m going to recap,” Sebastian said, finally breaking the tense silence. Around them, the Stardew Valley Fair buzzed loud enough to drown out their conversation. “So that we’re all on the same page.”

Kailim nodded.

“Joja wants to tear down the Community Center. You want to keep it because you hate Joja.”

“Yeah.”

“Mayor Lewis has a contract to sell the land, and you need a copy of it so you can give it to a lawyer who’s going to work...I don’t know, a miracle.”

“Hopefully.”

“And to get the contract, you want to break into Morris’ office in the supermarket.”

Kailim shrugged. “Or Lewis’ house, whichever you think is easier. But yeah, that’s it. That’s the plan.”

There was another silence as they all processed 'the plan' once again. 

“Kailim,” Shane’s hand found her knee underneath the table, “there has to be another way to get the contract. Something more legal. I mean, I’m all for sticking it to Morris, but this...you’re risking a lot.”

“I tried asking Lewis directly, but he said no. And the contract isn’t available to the public because it’s in some legal grey area. There’s nothing else.”

“And why are you asking us?” Sebastian asked. Kailim raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, fair point.”

Sam slapped his hand down on the table suddenly, making them all jump at the impact. “Well, I’m in. Morris keeps his office unlocked, so this shouldn’t be too hard. Just need a distraction. And, we need to get rid of the cameras in the store; the place is crawling with them.”

“I appreciate the enthusiasm, Sam,” Kailim said, “but now you have me worried. You’re risking your job here.”

“Morris is a dick,” was Sam’s response. No one could argue with that.

"I'm in, just to make sure you don't get arrested," Sebastian said. "And maybe I can take care of those cameras."

Kailim grinned. "Thank you. Now, any ideas?"

While Sam and Sebastian threw out a plan - a rough sketch, really, but it was better than nothing - Kailim watched Shane out of the corner of her eye. He didn't say anything, just nodded when it seemed appropriate, and stared at the table. Kailim's stomach tied in knots, and although she told herself the anxiety was from their impending heist, she knew the nerves came from elsewhere.

They parted with a plan as the Fair was ending. Shane and Kailim packed up their grange display - Hollyfrost took second place this year, gladly ceding to Marnie's massive cheese wheel. Crates in hand, her and Shane began the sunset walk back to the farm.

And Shane was quiet, brooding; his mood echoed around the clearing as they passed the bus stop. Kailim's worry only grew.

"You're thinking very loudly," she said. "Talk to me."

"You're not my therapist," Shane spat, then immediately regretted the words. He sighed. "I'm thinking that if this goes wrong, you'll lose Hollyfrost. I know you hate Joja, Kailim. I'm sick of them, too.  But..." He choked on the words as they passed the farm's entrance. "I just don't want to lose this."

This safe place; this chance at happiness; this land and woman that he relied so heavily on. Shane couldn't lose it.

Kailim was quiet as they reached the farmhouse. She set down her crate, then Shane's. Kailim tucked herself against Shane, arms around his waist, and Shane panicked for a moment before remembering that he could hug her back. He rested his chin atop her head.

"They can't have the Community Center, Shane," she said. "I'm sick of Joja's bullying; bullying you, me, bullying Lewis into selling, bullying Pierre out of business. They take and take and take until there's nothing left, and I can't let them. The Community Center is our chance to stand our ground.

"It's worth all of this," she nodded to the flourishing autumn fields, "because if we don't, Joja will eventually find a way to take this, too. You think that when Pierre goes out of business, Morris will want to buy my produce? Or that they won't find a way to steal the land with legal loopholes? I have to fight back, Shane. No one else will.”

“Sam and Sebastian will,” he pointed out, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

She laughed. “A miracle, really.”

Kailim was so tiny in Shane’s arms, and he felt the overwhelming need to curl over her, to protect her from this stress, from the boogieman that she seemed to fight so hard against. He couldn’t leave her to do this on her own. After everything Kailim had done for him, joining this crusade was the least Shane could do.

“And...I will,” he said, and Kailim jerked back to look up at him. “I mean - if you want me to. I don’t know how much help I’ll -”

Kailim stretched up, finding Shane’s lips; she was soft, and warm, and tasted sweet. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is it about the Stardew Valley Fair that is so hard to write? Fuck this chapter.
> 
> On a serious note, I hope this story allows you to escape from what's going on in the world - even for a little bit. Let me know how you're holding up; we'll get through this together.


	36. The Heist

The Heist

In this moment - surrounded by darkness, suffocating under an icy chill - Kailim was thankful for two things: Sam’s lockpicking skills, and Shane’s warm hand in hers as they crouched behind the Joja Mart Customer Experience desk.

“I thought you said he kept this unlocked?” Shane hissed as Sam fiddled with a bobby pin Kailim just so happened to have in her hair. Kailim kept a lookout over the counter while Shane held the flashlight for Sam.

Sam opened the pin and stuck it into the cabinet lock. “He used to. It’s where he keeps all the papers and contracts. I saw Morris open it when you left.”

“Wait, you read my employee contract?” Shane asked.

“Nah,” Sam shook his head, still focused on the lock and bobby pin, “just your performance review.”

“That’s not better!”

“Both of you!” Kailim whispered. “Now is not the time!”

“Hey,” Sebastian’s voice came through Kailim’s phone. “Not to rush you, but I don’t know how long I can keep the security cameras frozen. My laptop isn’t exactly built for breaking and entering.”

As if on cue, the cabinet door popped open, and Sam stepped to the side, grinning. Kailim swooped in, shuffling carefully through the papers. FIles upon files, labeled ‘Taxes,’ ‘Mining Rights,’ ‘Preferred Customers,’ ‘Employee Performance Reviews.’

“Let me see that,” Shane reached for the last folder. Kailim passed it to him and kept searching until she found one labeled ‘Land Rights’. And suddenly there it was, the Community Center contract, mocking Kailim with its every page.

Sebastian broke through the silence, “Guys, you need to run.”

“Shit, go!” Kailim said, pushing Sam and Shane ahead of her as she replaced the folders and shut the cabinet. Kailim sprinted down the canned foods aisle just as the front doors slid open. She hunkered down at the end of the aisle, back pressed to the shelf. 

“I swear, I wouldn’t wake you up for nothing! The security cameras flickered! I’ll need a tech out here before morning!” It was Morris, speaking to someone on the phone. Kailim watched between cans of corn as he circled behind the customer service desk and turned on the computer there. “Yes, I’m submitting the service request right now.”

Staying crouched, Kailim shuffled to the storage entrance they came in originally. Shane, Sam, and Sebastian waited for her at the doorway. The night air greeted Kailim as they stepped outside, and she let the door swing shut.

“No, it-” Sam winced as the door slammed shut with a bang that reverberated in the night. They heard Morris yelp from inside. “...slams.”

“Run!”

They tore off behind Joja Mart, kicking up dust as the lights came on inside. They followed Sam underneath the barrier to the Spirit’s Eve festival. Without a glance at one another, they parted Sam toward the buffet tables, Sebastian down the riverbank, and Kailim and Shane in the exact opposite direction: toward the maze.

“Kailim...” Shane said.

“It’s fine,” Kailim said as they entered the tall, looming hedges. She wasn’t entirely convinced that it was fine, but they needed to hide, and what better place to hide than a maze? Kailim took the first left turn and tucked them safely into a dead end. If it weren’t for his hand in hers, Kailim wouldn’t know Shane there at all; her vision blurred in the darkness.

“I’ve never actually finished the maze,” Shane said.

“What’s at the end?” Kailim asked.

“A golden pumpkin.”

Outside the hedges, shouts echoed as if through a long, hollow tunnel. For the first time, Kailim allowed a particular thought to cross her mind: what if they were caught?

“Let’s find that pumpkin,” she said and pulled them out of the dead end.

Shane followed dumbly behind. If his choices were between a questioning from Mayor Lewis and searching through a haunted maze, he would gladly follow behind Kailim for a pumpkin.

And, despite his careful observation, Kailim seemed confident. Her grip on his hand hurt, sure, but she wasn't shaking, wasn't whimpering or cowering like she had last year. Maybe Kailim didn't even need Shane her; the memory of her fear was so vivid, Shane thought he maybe shouldn't test it.

So they passed through the maze, wove between skeletal hands, steered clear of a bubbling cauldron, and skirted around a hoard of spiders until they came to another dead end. A sign with a question mark hung on the hedge.

“Did we take a wrong turn?” Shane asked, glancing over his shoulder. The cobweb-covered playground held no answers, so he thought to give up just as Kailim’s hand slipped from his. He scrambled in the dark, listening for her rapid breathing and sounds of panic. But Kailim was gone. And then, between a thin crack in the shrubs, a hand reached out and pulled him through. “How did you-”

“Sh,” Kailim pressed a finger to her lips. “It just seemed like something the Wizard would do.”

Beyond the gap in the hedges was a cave, winding through the hillside - Shane had never seen an entrance before, but the Wizard probably had something to do with that, too. The cave was pitch black. The only sense that grounded Shane was the sound of Kailim’s hand dragging against the wall. Suddenly, the cave opened into a small square of lantern-lit hedges with an iron-bound chest in the middle.

Kailim didn’t reach for the chest. Instead, she sat down with her back pressed to the hedge and let out a long, shaky breath. Shane sat next to her, and Kailim curled under his arm.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she nodded after another deep breath, “but I wouldn’t mind if you led the way back.”

“Can do.” Shane nudged the chest with his foot. “Think that has the pumpkin?”

“Probably. You can look. I just wanted to hide from Morris.” Kailim pulled back, far enough to look up at Shane. “Did you keep that file?”

Shane, with a small amount of guilt, pulled the folded up Employee Review out of his pocket. “Was just curious.” He didn’t even really want to read it. What would Morris have said about him? Most of the time, it seemed like Morris only thought about Shane when he needed someone to yell at.

“Some light reading while things calm down.” While she calmed down, more like. Kailim pulled out the land contract, thumbing through the pages. Not that she expected to understand much of the legal jargon, but maybe she could wrap her head around some of it.

The contract made it clear that Joja Corp had less of a stake in Pelican Town than Kailim initially thought. Their mining operations were in the fledgling stages, and the Joja Mart was more like a token store than anything serious. Morris barely existed on the corporate map. But the Community Center was in the perfect location for a warehouse if Joja wanted to get serious about mining the area; it was a foothold, and hopefully, one Kailim and Shane could shake.

Next to her, Kailim heard Shane inhale sharply, suddenly. He set down the employee file. “What? What did it say?”

Shane just shook his head, expression unreadable. Handing the file to Kailim, he rubbed his hands over his eyes. Kailim scanned the paragraphs, searching for...no.

Kailim blinked. Reread the paragraph.

_ ...in spite of strong recommendation and evidence for assignment to an Applied Career Guidance Counselor, Joja Corporation has deemed the employee ‘unnecessary,’ and therefore undeserving of such limited resources. You may refile for the employee to see an ACGC one year from this date _

“Morris...he...” Kailim closed the file. “He asked Joja for a counselor for you. A career counselor.”

“I didn’t need help up the corporate ladder,” Shane spat. “I knew I was at a dead end.”

“No, Shane...an Applied Career Guidance Counselor is a therapist. For your mental health.” Kailim felt rage swell in her chest. “And they said no.”

The revelation stumped Shane. The fact that Morris cared about something other than profit margins. Or maybe there was a Joja Certified reason he recommended Shane; that was far more likely. But that he was unnecessary? Undeserving?

“Shane,” Kailim found his hand in the darkness, “listen to me.”

“Hold on,” Shane said. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maybe back then, I was, you know? At a dead-end, wasting away, useless. Not worth company resources. But I’m not anymore. I’m a hell of a lot better, thanks to you.” Shane leaned over, pressing a kiss to Kailim’s temple. “Thank you.”

Kailim sighed - she could correct him. The therapist in her _ wanted _ to correct him. But that wasn’t her job, and at least Shane didn’t agree with what Joja said in the review. “You’re the one doing all the hard work,” she said. “I’m proud of you.”

Voices outside the hedge maze faded away. Only the autumn wind could be heard through the consuming darkness. And for a moment, hidden away and contract in hand, Kailim saw the light at the end of the long grey tunnel Joja had built, not only for her but for Shane and Pelican Town, too.


	37. Calf Catching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A baby cow is born in the chapter. It's written as more of a metaphor than as a graphic event, so don't worry. Also, I consulted with a real-life dairy farmer on this chapter, so don't question my animal physics.

Calf Catching

Pierre’s store was crowded for a Tuesday evening when Kailim arrived - more so than usual. The women’s fitness class had just disbanded, but everyone was still milling about, whispering, murmuring, glancing side to side. Marnie grabbed Kailim and pulled her into the cereal aisle. Kailim almost lost her grip on the albacore she was holding.

“Did you hear?” Marnie said.

Kailim hefted the tuna over her shoulder. “Apparently not. Do you know where Gus is? He’s not at the saloon, and I’ve got a fish for him.”

“Oh, the albacore!” Gus’ face appeared between boxes of oat bran and Choco-O’s. “Thanks, Kailim.”

“This is serious, Kailim!” Marnie scolded.

“So is this fish,” Kailim said. “It needs to get on ice.”

“Kailim,” Marnie said as Gus came around the shelf and took the wrapped fish from Kailim. “Kailim, someone broke into the Joja Mart.”

Kailim tried her hardest to keep track of the money Gus was counting out, but her heart skipped a beat. Honestly, Kailim was surprised it took Pelican Town a whole day to find out, but here they were. “What? When?”

“On Spirit’s Eve!” Marnie, thrilled now that she had Kailim’s attention, let her voice rise. “They made off with documents - no money or food. Just random papers!”

“Thanks, Gus” Kailim took the bills handed to her. “So, what’s Lewis doing about it?”

“Morris wants a full investigation, but Lewis is hesitant. He doesn’t want any bad press. And apparently, the thief broke the security cameras inside, so no one saw _ anything _.”

“How do you know all this?”

Marnie blushed, suddenly bashful. “Oh, a little chicken told me, is all.”

Kailim didn’t believe Marnie, but Kailim also didn’t want to push her luck, so she left well-enough alone. The front door chimed, and the crowd hushed as Mayor Lewis walked in.

“I have to go,” Kailim said. “I left Shane with our heifer about to give birth.”

“Milkshake? She wasn’t due for another week.”

“I know, which is why I want to be there.”

“Keep in touch.” Marnie waved Kailim on. “Let me know if you need any help.”

Kailim skirted around the crowd. Mayor Lewis was searching, though, and intercepted Kailim’s exit. He leaned on the front door.

“You heard what happened.” He wasn’t asking a question.

“Yeah, Marnie just told me,” Kailim said, steeling the fluttering in her chest.

“You had asked for the contract before.”

Kailim shrugged. “Civic curiosity.”

Lewis sighed, boring into Kailim with a tired gaze, lips pursed. She had never seen the man angry, but surely this wasn’t it. He suddenly leaned forward, whispering, “That contract is foolproof. There’s no getting out of it.”

Kailim blinked, startled. Was he-- “I mean...” Kailim weighed her options, “even Joja isn’t invincible.”

“It’d take a genius to crack it.”

“Or the former head of Joja’s legal department.”

Lewis’s brow raised. He nodded, slowly relinquishing his hold on the front door. “Impressive connections.”

Kailim smiled. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

Lewis laughed as Kailim’s phone started ringing in her pocket. “Right, of course you don’t.” He left her to answer it.

Shane’s contact flashed across the screen. “Yes, sir?”

“Milkshake hasn’t progressed since you left,” he said.

“Shit,” Kailim hissed, pushing through the crowded general store. She found Marnie talking to Jodi, and grabbed the woman by the sleeve. “I’m bringing Marnie.”

* * *

Shane hauled open the barn doors when he heard Kailim and Marnie enter the barnyard. Thank Yoba, he wasn't going to have to do this on his own. He knew about chickens, not cows. Chickens had nice eggs to sit on and keep warm; cows were messy.

“How long has she been in labor?” Marnie asked, sleeves already rolled up. She flung her bag over the stall railing, kneeling to check on Milkshake. The cow cried out in discomfort.

Kailim joined Marnie on the floor. “I noticed about five hours ago.”

“Shane, hand me the latex gloves and bottle from my bag.” Marnie said. “She looks ready. The baby might not be aligned right. Hopefully, all we have to do is pull.”

After turning over the supplies to Marnie, Shane positioned himself at the head of the cow, far away from any mess or cow fluids. His stomach turned; for some reason, animal births made his head spin. Shane could manage being the errand boy, grabbing towels, or more gloves from Marnie’s bag.

Kailim’s head appeared over the back end of the cow. “How’s she look?”

Milkshake’s nose was still pink, eyes bright. “Fine, for five-hour labor.”

The cow lurched to her feet, butting into Shane’s chest as he attempted to block her in the stall.

“No, no, no!” Marnie hissed. “Why would you stand up? Shane, get back here!”

Shit. That’s not what he wanted to hear. Shane latched the stall shut behind him, then joined Marnie and Kailim. He did his best not to stare.

“Okay, I can feel the front legs and nose,” Marnie said. She braced herself on the ground, leaving room for Kailim and Shane to move in on either flank. “I’m pulling when she pushes. Catch.”

“What?” Shane’s jaw opened like he’d been smacked.

“Catch!” Marnie said.

And suddenly, there was a calf. Kailim caught the head, Shane supported the rear, and between the two of them, they managed a graceful tumble to the ground. Laying between them was a knobbly white calf, and Shane couldn’t help but laugh as the mother turned around to check on her baby, tongue swiping out to lick the calf clean. 

“You okay?” Kailim asked, finding his hand somewhere in the hay, hidden from Marnie’s view.

Shane didn’t know if ‘okay’ constituted how he was feeling. More like gross and sticky, but also in awe at the miracle of what now laid before them. “I’ve never...done that before.”

Kailim laughed, running a hand over the calf’s soft nose. “Me neither.”

“Well,” Marnie declared as they stood, “you have a healthy baby girl. Keep an eye on the mom for the next few days, but she looks fine as well.”

“Thank you, Marnie,” Kailim said. They helped Marnie gather the towels in the dimming autumn sunlight. Shane threw fresh hay into the stall. He lingered as the now-dry baby took its first tentative steps. It wasn’t until her mother nudged her that she was able to stand on her own, on shaky legs, but she was standing. 

Kailim appeared next to Shane, leaning on the fence. He glanced behind; Marnie had already left. In silence, Kailim leaned her cheek on the stall gate, sighing heavily. She looked messy, of course, but in a content sort of way. Hay stuck out of her hair at odd angles, and she was covered in Yoba-knows-what; Shane assumed he looked similar, but what was haphazard and gross on him looked beautiful on Kailim, as if she was in her element, natural, doing what the universe intended.

His heart skipped a beat, and he had to look away before his knees went weak. Shane had just helped give birth to a calf, and Kailim was what made head spin. Pitiful.

Kailim nudged him with her elbow. “It’s getting dark.”

Right. “I’ll close up the coop and head home.”

“You are not walking home covered in cow-stuff. Take a shower, and we’ll go from there.”

Shane followed blindly as they closed up the coop and barn, his heart suddenly racing. Go from there? What the hell did that mean? He couldn’t sleep on her couch anymore, could he? At least, he hadn't since their relationship began. Fuck, he wanted to, though. Just stay the night, he meant, not anything else.

Or ‘go from there’ could mean ‘go home after your fucking shower, Shane.’ That was probably the best option.

“Go ahead, I’ll start dinner,” Kailim said as they entered the farmhouse. Yardstick inspected them carefully, his nose wrinkling. Kailim laughed, a bright tinkling sound that followed Shane down the hallway.

Halfway through scrubbing the sticky feeling from his skin, Kailim knocked on the door. Shane dropped the soap with a loud bang.

“Sorry!” she called over the rushing water. “Can I set some clothes on the counter?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he said. He heard the door creak open and was thankful there was an opaque shower curtain hanging between them. Even still, Shane held his breath until the door shut. 

When he could no longer smell the barn on his skin, he crawled out and automatically reached for a towel, avoiding the mirror at all costs. In his bathroom at Marnie’s, he couldn’t see the mirror from his shower and was thankful for it. No matter what kind of improvements he had made over the months, Shane knew he still wasn’t much to look at. God forbid the mirror in Kailim’s bathroom see him, let alone Kailim.

Shane pulled on the gym shorts Kailim had brought him. The hoodie looked familiar, and Shane laughed as he realized it was _ his _.

“I’ve been looking for this hoodie,” Shane said as he came down the hallway. Kailim looked up from the fridge.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s my old one. I lost it a year ago. Thought it was gone for good.”

Kailim laughed. “Whoops. It’s been in my closet for about that long.”

“Thief.”

Kailim stuck her tongue out as she skirted around him. Shane reached for her, and Kailim gasped, grabbing his hands. “Yoba, are you okay?”

It took Shane a hot second to figure out what Kailim was talking about. She turned his hands over in hers, and he saw the small red bumps around his wrists. Then, he had to _ remember _ why they were there.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he tried to hide his hands, but Kailim held tight. “It must have been the gloves we used. I have a latex allergy. It’s no big deal. Doesn’t even itch.”

Kailim continued to examine his hands, staring as if weighing the truth of his statement, and what she could do about it. “Do you need anything for it?”

“Nah, like I said. Doesn’t itch. It’ll go away in a few minutes. I should have been more careful.”

“Right, because we were all thinking about latex allergies out there,” Kailim said, finally releasing Shane’s hands. “My turn in the shower. Keep an eye on the oven for me?”

Surely, Shane could manage not to burn dinner for a whole ten minutes. He flopped down on the couch as he heard the shower turn on. An image of Kailim, hair down and dripping wet, stretching those freckled shoulders to release the tension under the hot water-

Shane shook his head. That train of thought was not going to help him in the long run. Maybe if he thought about gridball averages.

Shane was halfway through last year’s gridball scores when there was a knock on the door. The shower shut off, and Shane froze.

“Shane, will you get that?” Kailim called. Hell, it was probably Marnie. Shane attempted to shake the last water droplets from his hair as he opened the door.

Alex looked just as surprised to see Shane as Shane was to see him. “Um, hey. I was looking for Kailim.”

“She’s in the shower,” Shane said, fully aware that his hair was still wet, and this whole situation probably looked a little compromising. Not that he and Kailim were necessarily ‘hiding’ their relationship - they just hadn’t talked about making it public, yet, and Shane was okay with that. The longer he had Kailim all to himself, the better. The less reason she would have to bear the disappointment of others in her choice of man. “I can give her a message.”

“Actually, I was going to stop by Marnie’s ranch next, so you saved me a trip,” Alex held out a plain envelope. “They’re tickets to the first gridball game of the season. Tunnelers versus Aardvarks. I got a set for everyone in town.”

“How’d you manage that?”

“That’s the other thing I wanted to tell Kailim,” Alex said. Shane heard the bathroom door open behind him and turned around.

Fuck, Kailim had terrific legs. Long, tan, with strong thighs that Shane would be happy to get lost in. If only Alex weren’t here, Shane might find the courage to chase the practically non-existent edge of her shorts up past the hem of her t-shirt. As it was, Shane had no such luck. Kailim had her head in a towel as she wandered down the hallway.

“I made the team,” Alex said, loudly. Kailim snapped her head up.

“Holy shit, Alex!” Kailim met Alex’s hug at the doorway. The oven timer went off, and Shane left to check on their dinner. “I mean, of course, you did. I’m so proud of you!”

“Shane has tickets to opening night,” Alex said. “I better see you there.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Kailim beamed. Sports weren’t her thing, but Kailim could cheer when needed - anything to see Alex chase his dream.

“Well, I’ve got more tickets to deliver. Didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” Alex winked, but hesitated, glancing over Kailim’s shoulder. “So, just out of curiosity, was I right?”

“About what?”

He nodded over her shoulder. Kailim watched as Shane turned on The Queen of Sauce, a plate of fresh pepper poppers on the coffee table in front of him. Oh. For a moment, she’d forgotten that all this wasn’t normal. Or it was at least new to everyone besides her and Shane.

Hell, in some ways, this was new to them, too.

“Not in the way you think, Alex,” Kailim said. A smile crept over her face. “Just be quiet for a little bit, okay?”

Alex held up his hands in defense, backing off the porch. “Hey, I saw nothing, farm girl. I’ll see you at the game, okay?”

“Yes, sir!”

Kailim grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge before joining Shane on the couch. He lifted his arm automatically, and she found her way into his side, offering the bottle of strawberry juice to him. He shook his head. There was a crease in his brow, darkening his eyes.

“You’re thinking pretty loudly there, Shane.”

Shane chewed on his words. He had to phrase this carefully if he didn’t want to sound like an asshole. “I don’t care about _ what _ happened,” Shane prefaced, “hell, it’s none of my business. But...” When he hesitated, Kailim reached over and muted The Queen of Sauce. She put down the juice bottle and sat up to face Shane. He had her full attention, and somehow, that was worse. “I know you had a chance with Alex. So, why?”

He expected Kailim to frown, or scoff. Instead, she tilted her head. “‘Why not’ or ‘Why you’?”

“I don’t know,” Shane said. He didn’t know what answer he wanted, besides something to help him understand why Kailim would _ choose _ him over, well, anything, let alone over Alex.

“I said no to Alex because it was an unhealthy distraction for both of us. I was mentally unstable, and his self-confidence was pretty low at the time,” Kailim said earnestly. Shane couldn’t picture Alex with anything other than bulletproof confidence, but he believed her. “Also, it just didn’t feel right. I didn’t know what _ would _ feel right, but I knew that wasn’t it. As for ‘why you’...”

Delicately, like Kailim could spook Shane if she moved too fast, she took his hand and slotted back into his side. They fit together like puzzle pieces.

“You feel right. You always have. From your first day on Hollyfrost, I swear Shane. You just made sense. And it grew from there.”

Again, Shane believed her. He took a deep breath—another one. There weren’t words to describe how he was feeling. All Shane could do was lean down and kiss her.

Kailim sighed into the kiss. Fuck, he had no right to be so good at this. It should be embarrassing, the way she melted into him so quickly, as if there was suddenly no fight left in her bones. Kailim twisted a hand in Shane’s hair, and the noise he made damn near killed her, something between a hiss and a moan that she wanted to hear again and again.

Kailim got greedy. Her fingers found the hem of Shane’s shirt, testing, and Shane froze mid-kiss. Kailim stopped. She sat back, but Shane wouldn’t let her stray too far. She ended up cross-legged on the couch, his hand clasped tightly in hers.

“Boundaries,” Kailim said. “Let’s discuss.”

Shane ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not that I don’t want...you,” he couldn’t believe he was sitting here, saying those words to such an amazing woman. “Fuck, Kailim, you have no idea-”

“I have a guess,” Kailim teased, glancing down at the basketball shorts she had loaned him.

Shane only flushed a brighter shade of red. “That’s the thing. I’m not anything that you want to look at. You’ll be disappointed, and I’m sorry.” Shane shut himself up before he could dig a deeper hole. He wasn’t doing an outstanding job of selling himself to the woman of his dreams. 

Kailim pressed a gentle kiss to the hand she held. “You’re apologizing for something that isn’t going to happen. Ever. But I know it’ll take time to show you that. So, we move at your pace. Whatever you want, Shane.”

He believed her. Shane pulled Kailim into a breath-taking hug; arms wrapped tight, terrified to let go. He didn’t know _ how _ to get over these insecurities, but he knew damn well that he wanted Kailim to be there when he did.

“I know what I want,” he whispered into her hair. If he thought about this, he’d gag on the cliche. “A date.”

Kailim giggled in his arms. “A little late for that, isn’t it?”

“Never. I’m serious,” Shane said. “To the Tunneler’s game. I’m asking you on a date.”

“Officially?”

“Officially.”

Kailim kissed his cheek. “I’ll wear my prettiest dress.”

“The red one?”

“Mhm.”

“Please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter warning: smut. Y'all are welcome.
> 
> Also, does your brain ever do that thing where it says "hey, you know that chapter that's perfectly ready to post? What if we didn't and instead wrote a totally new chapter?" and you know your brain is right but ugghhh. 
> 
> I regret nothing.


	38. The Game*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: non-explicit smut. Finally.

The Game

Was it still a date if your whole town tagged along, aunt and goddaughter included? Shane thought it probably wasn’t, but felt nervous enough to quantify this as a real date - as if he still had to convince Kailim he was worth a second date, or even a third.

Maybe it was the flowers that made him nervous. The bouquet seemed like a good idea as he came up through Hollyfrost’s late-season fields. There were still a few sunflowers and fairy roses blooming despite the heavy onset of fall, so Shane picked the best heads that he could reach from the path. His arrangement didn’t look entirely as professional as Kailim’s always did. He really needed to get better at that.

Whatever was making Shane nervous didn’t disappear by the front door. Usually, he would knock and let himself in. But this was a date, so Shane just knocked.

“Coming!” Kailim called from inside. The moment spent waiting was excruciating until Kailim opened the door. Shane’s heart stopped.

She actually wore the dress. Damn.

And then Kailim finished adjusting the large denim jacket on her shoulders, and Shane frowned. “Is that my jacket?”

“What? No!” Kailim said, then leaned back as if to examine the jacket more closely. “Wait...”

“You’re just hoarding all of my jackets. Haven’t seen that one in a year, at least.”

Kailim laughed. “Okay, maybe. I’ll give them back.”

If he was being honest, Kailim looked stunning. The red dress knocked the breath out of Shane, but knowing that she had his jacket on - that was another level, for some weird reason. Shane decided not to think about it too hard, and instead held out the haphazard bouquet. “Since it’s a date and all.”

Kailim smiled, and maybe that was a blush she hid behind the collar of the jacket. “Let me put them in some water.”

They were the last to reach the bus stop, just as everyone was loading on. Jas and Marnie waved from their seats, and Shane and Kailim shuffled in behind them. 

Jas poked her head over the seat. “Shane said there would be fireworks.”

“Excited to see a real show?”

“I don’t know. Will it be loud?”

“I’ll cover your ears,” Kailim offered, and that seemed to satisfy Jas enough to sit back down for the remainder of the bus ride.

* * *

Tunneler Stadium was a large complex set in the middle of Zuzu City. By the game’s halftime, Kailim had figured out three things: that their seats were terrific, set in a private box right at field level; that Alex’s jersey number was 13; and that the stadium’s nachos were pretty good. That was about it. Kailim cheered when everyone else did, lifted Jas onto her shoulders during halftime, and kicked away any stray beer cans that rolled underfoot.

That was the only bad thing, really: everyone around them was drinking. Kailim knew that was the culture surrounding gridball, but worried about it for Shane’s sake. He didn’t seem to notice, but still...

The game came down to the wire. As they neared the last minute of the final quarter, even Kailim found herself out of her seat. The Tunnelers and Aardvarks were tied, and for some reason, the Tunnelers needed a perfect play to win - according to Shane. Honestly, watching him was better than watching the game. He looked awake, immersed, and he made sure that Jas and Kailim both knew what was going on.

“Think they can make it?” Kailim asked as Jas crawled over the back of their seats to the next aisle, where Marnie was sitting with Lewis and Granny Evelyn.

“If Alex doesn’t fuck up, yeah,” Shane said. "They've got a shot for a clean goal."

Kailim nodded as if she knew what that meant. The players lined up on the field. Pelican Town crowded closer to the railing, holding their breath. The buzzer sounded.

Alex caught the ball and ran. Faster. Dodging, weaving, sprinting until he reached the final line of defense. Alex dove underneath the team, tagging the goal post with a second to spare on the clock.

The crowd erupted. Cheers, screams. Fireworks suddenly shot out over the stadium, flashing overhead in celebration. Kailim lost track of who shouted what as they were all swept up in victory.

Shane reached down, lifted Kailim into his arms, and kissed her.

Kailim laughed, breathless from the strength that now surrounded her. "Victory kiss?"

"Sorry, I..." Shane shook his head. "Yeah, I guess."

And then they both remembered where they were and who they were with. Behind them, Marnie cleared her throat.

"I knew it!" Jas shouted. "I told you so, Aunt Marnie!"

Oh boy.

* * *

Shockingly, there was no long-winded lecture on the way home. Jas fell asleep, and Marnie contained herself to quiet smiles cast in Shane and Kailim's direction every now and then. Shane was thankful for the silence. A headache had settled in behind his eyes, tight and compact, and all the things that made him rub at his temples and press his head to the cold bus window in an attempt to manage the pain. Kailim's hand was a constant pressure on his shoulder that somehow helped more than the window.

Shane needed this headache to go away. The evening had been incredible, and fuck, here he was about to ruin it. He thought that maybe the game would be okay; he'd be too distracted by everything to notice all the drinking. Damnit, Shane shouldn't have noticed, and now here was this headache to remind him of his faults and failures.

But, he supposed, at least he didn't give in.

Kailim held Shane's hand as they disembarked from the bus. "Walk me home?" she asked quietly. "Since it's a date and all?"

Shane had to chuckle at that one. "Yeah. Of course."

The moment they stepped onto Hollyfrost, Shane felt his headache lessen - not by much, but enough. He followed Kailim inside and kneeled to pet Yardstick as Kailim lit a fire in the hearth.

"What's wrong?" she asked the fire, but Shane knew it was directed at him. His heart sank at the concern laced through the words. 

"I'm sorry," he said. Yardstick rolled over for belly rubs, and Shane obliged. "It's nothing. A headache."

"Shane..."

He didn't want to talk about it. At least, he thought he didn't - didn't want to concern Kailim - until he met her eyes over the couch. What Shane saw in that green gaze, he couldn't say no to.

"Just...tonight was weird," Shane confessed, settling heavily on Kailim’s couch. She sat next to him and crooked her leg underneath herself, waiting patiently for him to sort out his muddled thoughts. “A lot of people were drinking.”

“Hard to be around?” Kailim asked.

“Yeah. Tempting, even though I know...” Shane sighed, ran a hand over his face. He couldn’t get comfortable and fidgeted. “I know it’s a bad idea.”

“Remember what you told me about muscle memory?”

“Yeah, and I know that, too. But it doesn’t help.”

Kailim ran a hand over his shoulder, gentle, comforting. “What can I do?”

“I don’t know.”

But she had to try. “Come here.” Kailim patted her lap, guided Shane to lay down with his head resting on her thighs. He went willingly and fell into the touch of Kailim’s hand running through his hair. Rhythmic, comforting in the way he felt enveloped by Kailim. She smelled like fairy roses with an underlying hint of sweat from the stadium. The fabric of her dress was soft under Shane’s cheek. Kailim hummed, softly, a tune Shane didn’t recognize, but her body vibrated with the sound. His breathing evened out. The couch beneath them softened. The tension between his eyes faded away.

Halfway between sleep and consciousness, Shane recognized the peace Kailim had given him and felt his chest tighten. He let out a shaky breath to try and calm the sudden surge of emotion.

Kailim’s hands froze in his hair. “You okay?” she whispered. Shane just nodded; he couldn’t open his eyes, knowing Kailim would be looking so concerned. “Shane, what’s wrong?”

He couldn’t find the words to explain how suddenly, just for a moment,  _ nothing _ was wrong, possibly for the first time in his life.

“Shane,” a soothing hand ran across his forehead, “you’re thinking loudly again. What’s going on?”

Shane surged up. They were at an awkward angle, but Shane managed to crush their lips together in a wave of emotion. He poured every ‘thank you’ into the kiss, every bit of gratitude he had for Kailim, her concern, and gentle nature. She gasped, and he felt her give in for a second before she pressed a hand to his chest.

“Shane,” Kailim squeaked - he wanted to hear that again - as he kissed down the column of her neck. “Shane, you gotta tell me what’s going on.”

Shane let go of her neck, finally leaning back far enough to meet her eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered, sitting up, turning to reach for Kailim again.

“For what?” Kailim asked. She gasped when Shane hauled her over -  _ fuck _ , he was strong - to straddle his lap. She braced herself against the back of the couch for balance, fingers digging into the fabric. God, if she sunk down two inches, Kailim was sure she would feel him hard underneath her, but she  _ had _ to know where the hell his head was. “Shane, I  _ have _ to know what’s wrong.”

“Nothing,” he whispered. His heart was about to explode out of his chest for the way this woman was looking at him, so wrecked and yet still so concerned. “Absolutely nothing, for once in my life. Now, can I please say thank you?”

Shane waited; he held Kailim’s gaze while she examined the deepest parts of him laid bare before her. Waited, while she decided if she believed him, if she trusted him enough to let him thank her.

“Okay.”

The tension snapped like a bowstring between them. Shane hauled Kailim into a bruising kiss like a man starved. He reveled in the way she curled over him, into him, fingernails digging into his shoulders to hold on while he kissed her relentlessly. Carefully, his hands found the hem of her dress and began to climb.

Kailim’s skin was soft, so soft beneath his fingertips. He could feel each twitch of muscle as he ventured up, up, until he found the perfect curve of her ass. Her  _ bare _ ass.

Shane groaned, pulling away from their kiss while his hands explored; the swell of her hips, the warm crease where her legs met her body. “Holy shit,” he moaned, head lolling back against the couch. A bolt of arousal shot to his core. “This whole time?”

She watched as realization dawned over Shane. “I don’t really like wearing anything under this dress.”

Shane had no words as Kailim leaned back on his legs, dress bunched around her thighs, hair tousled, and lips blooming red. “What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this?”

“You’re a good man, Shane,” Kailim said without hesitation. There it was again, the caring gaze that made Shane pull her to him, capturing her lips.

"Thank you," he whispered against her neck. He pushed away her dress straps for access to her strong, freckled shoulders. The soft skin of Kailim's inner thighs greeted him, and she spread her legs further apart. Shane hesitated. "Can I-"

"Please, Shane," she said, her breath hot against his neck. "Please, please-"

Kailim keened when his fingers brushed gently over her wet center. Shane loved the noise, loved how vocal Kailim was, but also felt the weight of the trust she was placing in his hands. Like hell Shane would squander it.

Fuck, she was already so wet for him, because of him. Shane buried his face into her shoulder, groaning. It had been a long time since he had been with someone, mostly drunken hookups when the alcohol was on his side that night. A nagging fear settled into the pit of his stomach; what if he couldn't please her, couldn't give Kailim what she deserved.

But then another thought soothed over him as Kailim pressed her lips to his, her hands cupping his face. She had given him nothing but patience up until now; why would that suddenly change?

"You're thinking loudly again," Kailim whispered against Shane. "I thought we were working on that."

"I'll work harder," he said, slipping one finger inside. Kailim gasped, rocked against his hand. Fuck, she was so beautiful, so responsive, and somehow he was the one dragging such desperate noises from her. Shane added a second finger, feeling her clench around him as his free hand joined in.

"Holy shit, you're good at that," Kailim whined. She dug into his shoulders, pulling Shane to her chest. Shane nudged the fabric to the side to kiss at the soft, pale skin of her breasts. "Shane, fuck."

His name from her lips was praise enough, and he wanted to hear more of it. Shane redoubled his efforts inside, listening to each moan, each gasp, and whimper until he crooked his fingers forward and Kailim almost toppled over, tensed, nails digging into the skin of his shoulders.

"There?" he asked, made the motion again, and watched as Kailim bucked her hips into his hands. Her brow furrowed. He could feel her growing tighter.  "Come on, Kailim," he whispered, unable to look away as she grew closer and closer to her peak. He needed this, needed to know he could satisfy her, that he could make her feel half the things he felt, needed to know that he could thank her when words failed him.

Kailim clenched suddenly around his hand, and Shane watched in awe as she came undone, shivering, shuddering, lips pressed to his in a sloppy, breathy kiss that left them both gasping and wrecked. She was beautiful.

Shane slipped his hand out of Kailim. She collapsed into his chest, legs too weak to hold herself up. He could feel her warmth against his hardening length and bit his lip to keep a moan inside.

"Thank you," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her sweat-soaked temple. "Thank you."

Kailim gave a breathy laugh. "You did all the work."

"Are you okay?"

"Yoba, yes, Shane," Kailim tilted her head to look up at him. "You are so good at that."

Shane shrugged. "I'm not that great." 

Kailim shifted, dragging her lips down his neck as she rocked against him. Shane hissed, stilling her hips. "You are amazing, Shane. Let me show you."

“I-” he couldn’t believe what he was about to say. His brain felt overloaded, and he didn’t want to push it. “Not tonight, please. It’s...a bit too much for one night.”

“Yes, sir,” Kailim didn’t hesitate. She tucked herself into Shane’s chest, hands wrapped around his waist. “Is this okay?”

This, Shane thought - an amazing woman, a crackling fire, a safe place to sleep - this was pretty damn close to -

“Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about most 'sportsball' games. Can you tell?
> 
> I would love your feedback on this. Please. New territory needs honest feedback. Although, these two are so much fun to write.


	39. Eight Hearts

Kailim arrived at Marnie's house just before sunset, just as a cold night wind began to blow through Cindersap Forest. A shared dinner the night before the first snow of winter had not been on Kailim's list - there were too many things to do and not enough time to do it all. But of course, Marnie made Shane do the asking, so Kailim couldn't possibly say no.

The week had been crazy, and Kailim wanted nothing more than to go into the sweet rest of winter. Pelican Town was scrambling for last-minute supplies - Caroline bought a load of firewood from Hollyfrost, Kailim had finally found that bottle of truffle oil Mayor Lewis wanted, and Robin traded Kailim several bottles of wine for agreeing to build a new shed adjacent to the main house. All of that was in addition to the task of bedding Hollyfrost down for the winter: tree wrapping, heater installation, clearing the water lines, and more. 

"Winter is going to come whether you like it or not," Marnie told Kailim as they set dinner - pumpkin soup - on the table. "All we can do is prepare and hope we've done enough. Worrying won't do you any good."

"There's always more to do," Kailim said. "I'm just worried we've forgotten something."

"We haven't," Shane said as they sat down. He offered a reassuring smile, and Kailim believed him.

So maybe taking a break was okay, Kailim thought. Jas told them about her day at school. Marnie tried to convince Kailim to get some goats for the spring. Halfway through dinner, snow began falling out the window, and Kailim watched the fledgling flurries, her mind somewhere between the dinner table and the snowfall. 

"That was amazing, Marnie," Shane said as they gathered up the dishes. "I feel bad, though. I couldn't taste the truffle oil you used."

Marnie frowned. "I didn't use any."

"Really?" Kailim asked. "Thought it was in the soup."

"Yeah, really, it smells great," Shane insisted.

"Trust me," Marnie said as she began loading the dishwasher, "I haven't been using truffle oil in my cooking. Only a few people in town can afford that stuff, like Mr. Lewis, and probably the good doctor."

Mid-sip of her water, the final synapse in Kailim's brain clicked, suddenly linking Lewis to Marnie clear as day. She gasped, choked, then coughed violently. "Sweet baby Yoba," Kailim gasped again, "I knew it!"

"You okay?" Shane laid a hand on her shoulder.

Kailim nodded, wheezed, then finally cleared the liquid from her lungs. "A little scarred for life, but fine."

"Okay..." Shane didn't fully believe her but left well enough alone for now. "Hey, Jas, you want to help me close up the ranch for the night?"

Jas beamed, giggled at Kailim, then nodded. "Yes, please!"

Kailim stood as well, reaching for her jacket and scarf, but Marnie sat her back down. "That reminds me," Marnie said, "I had a question for you."

Kailim couldn't help but feel as though she was suddenly being held hostage. Shane and Jas disappeared out the back door, and Kailim was left to face Marnie as the woman pulled out a chair across the table.

"I'm happy for you and Shane," Marnie said. "What you’ve done for him is...well, it’s incredible."

“He’s done just as much for me.” Kailim was a hostage, but this didn't feel like an interrogation. “I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. We were trying to take this slow."

"No, I understand. You have to wait until both people are ready to be public."

"Speaking of which..." Kailim said, leaning forward. "When will you and Lewis be ready?"

Marnie's face fell. "How do you know?"

"It's not like you hid it very well. I'm ashamed it took me this long to figure it out."

"Kailim, you can't tell anyone," Marnie said. "Lewis is worried about our relationship undermining his position in town."

"What, the mayor isn't allowed to find love?"

Marnie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "No, but Lewis isn't ready to go public. I'm trying to respect that."

All those reasons seemed like bullshit to Kailim - Marnie deserved to not have to hide - but Kailim held her tongue for her friend’s sake. "So long as you're happy, Marnie," Kailim patted Marnie's hand. "I'll stay quiet. Just...please don't have Lewis buy any more truffle oil from me."

The blush that colored Marnie's cheeks was worth the swat Kailim received. "Here I am, trying to be respectful of your relationship, and what do I get in return? Sass!"

Kailim laughed, dodging another swat. "No, no, I'm sorry!"

"Well, then how about I ask nosy questions about you and Shane's relationship, hm?"

"I'll answer what feels appropriate."

Marnie sobered then. "How long?"

"Since the beginning of fall."

"Really?" Marnie shook her head. "I had you two pegged for spring, at least. Jas was right, though."

"Were you betting on Shane and I's relationship?"

"No, never," Marnie laughed," not with Jas, at least."

"I don't want to know."

“But honestly...” Marnie hesitated, bit her lip, then took a deep breath. “Is he as good as he seems? I just want what’s best for him, Kailim. I didn’t know how to help Shane, and I probably didn’t do a very good job when I tried. But he looks so much happier - has ever since he started working for you.”

“Ask him yourself,” Kailim said, squeezing Marnie’s hand. “He needs to know he has support.”

“I’ll keep checking on him, then. Really, you don’t know what miracle you’ve performed here, Kailim.”

Kailim would have argued - Shane had done all the heavy lifting, really - but her phone rang from her pocket, and she jumped. Shane's contact flashed across the screen. "What's Shane calling me for?" Marnie, wide-eyed, shrugged. Kailim squinted; that hostage feeling was back, suddenly. "What's going on?"

"Answer your phone," was all Marnie said.

Shane sounded out of breath when Kailim answered. "Hey, can you come to the coop?"

"Yeah, I'll be right out," Kailim stood, pulling on her jacket. "What's going on?"

"No, not Marnie's coop. Hollyfrost's coop."

"Why the fuck-" but Shane hung up, and Kailim hissed. "Marnie, what is going on?"

"Let's go see," Marnie said. They bundled up, and together they traded the warm ranch house for the cold, snowy darkness of Cindersap Forest.

By the time they reached the farm, an inch of snow had accumulated, and the sky showed no signs of stopping. If they didn't hurry, Kailim was going to have to find sleeping spots in her house for three other people, assuming Jas was still with Shane. Kailim picked up the pace, clearing the cobblestone path as they went.

The door to the coop was cracked open, a light shining from inside. Kailim heard Jas' voice over the sound of falling snow. “I think she’ll like them, Shane.”

“I hope so, chickadee,” he said, but Shane wasn’t so sure. He hadn’t exactly told Kailim about this project or asked her permission for relocating a few of his hens to the coop. But hopefully-

Kailim pulled open the door. “What is going-” Kailim blinked. Blinked again. “Are those... How the...” She rubbed at her eyes, then tried again as Marnie slipped in behind her. “Shane?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you dye the chickens blue?”

“I didn’t dye them,” he said, holding up the gentlest blue chicken, Charlie, for Kailim. Kailim gently lifted the wings, checking for any smearings of white or brown, but sure enough, this was a dark blue chicken, through and through. “I’ve been breeding it, as a little project. Poppy, the original chicken, had a section of blue feathers, so I wanted to see if it passed on. And it did.”

“Shane’s been teaching me how to take care of them!” Jas added, trading Kailim a blue chick for Charlie. “But, we picked these out for you!”

“If you want them,” Shane added. “I knew there was some space in the coop, but if you have other plans, that's totally fine. I just wanted to show you-”

“Thank you,” Kailim squeezed Shane’s hand. There weren’t any other words for how awestruck she felt. “This is amazing, Shane.”

“It was just a little project, for when I had time. The chickens did all the hard work.”

“No, Shane, this is _ huge _,” Kailim insisted. “Really, thank you for sharing them.” Outside, the wind began to blow, rattling the windows of the coop. Marnie scooped Jas onto her hip, tucking the child’s scarf around her chin.

“We need to go before this storm gets much worse,” Marnie said, winking. “Won’t bother asking if you’ll be home tonight.”

Shane blushed but helped zip up Jas' jacket. "Let me know when you're home safe," he said, holding the coop door open.

Marnie and Jas disappeared into the snowy night, following the path Kailim had made. She and Shane watched in silence until a particularly icy gust of wind blew into the coop.

"I don't have to stay," Shane said as they huddled with the chickens near the heater, "if you don't want me to. I just wanted to say thank you again."

"For what?"

The words threatened to catch in Shane’s throat, but he needed to say them; Kailim _ had _ to know. "For everything. Your patience, and keeping me hired, and letting me try out new things on the farm. I wouldn't have bred these chickens if it wasn't for you, and they're kind of like my way of giving back."

Kailim smiled and wrapped herself around Shane's waist, snuggling into his warmth against the creeping cold; he smelled like pine trees and spice. "I appreciate it, but you know you don't owe me anything."

"It's not about owing," he said. "It's more like wanting to put some good into this world after being a leech for so long. I wanted to teach Jas, too, and maybe make up for lost time, you know?"

Kailim couldn't fathom a response that would do the overwhelming emotions in her chest justice - assuming she could even figure out exactly what she was feeling - so instead, she stretched up to kiss Shane's cheek. "Stay the night?" Almost instantly, Kailim felt Shane tense underneath her, and Kailim ran her hands along his back to soothe the concern. "Not like that, Shane. Just for the company. I don’t want to be alone this winter."

Shane hadn’t thought about last winter in a while; the memories were too dark and damaging to entertain, so Shane kept them locked away. Suddenly, here before them was the opportunity to replace all that darkness. Shane swallowed hard. "I'd like that."

Together, they closed up the chicken coop. Shane spread extra hay on the floor while Kailim checked the heater, then they shut the door tight against the frigid wind.

Halfway between the orchard and the barren fields, a snowball sailed past Shane's head. He whipped around. Kailim was grinning.

"Don't start something you can't finish," he warned, gathering his own ball of snow. Kailim laughed, ducking past him toward the house. Shane gave chase.

They traded snowballs in the steadily falling snow like Vincent and Jas during the Festival of Ice. Laughing, yelling, their breath turning into ragged puffs of air as they neared the house. Kailim stumbled up the stairs, leaving Shane just enough time to catch her. They fell to the porch in a tangle of scarves, giggles, and snow flurries.

"Cheater," Kailim giggled, brushing snow from Shane's hair. He looked so damn happy right now - eyes shining, smiling, cheeks and nose red from the cold. Again, a wave of emotion tightened her chest, but she bit her tongue. The last thing Kailim wanted was to scare Shane away with her feelings.

"Did not," he said, pulling her up with him. They stumbled into the dark house, Yardstick bouncing around their feet as they shucked the winter layers. Instinctively, Shane reached for Kailim in the darkness. When his hand found her hip, she jumped hard, gasping.

Well, that was new and terrifying. Kailim blew out a frustrated breath. The hand belonged to Shane, obviously, but... "Sorry," she said, reaching past him to turn on the lamp. "I still need the light."

Yoba bless him, he didn't hesitate, and Kailim's chest filled with warmth. Shane kissed her cheek. "No touching in the dark. Noted."

"Thank you. Want some hot chocolate?" Kailim offered. "And you can give me the details on how you bred the chickens blue."

So they settled in at the kitchen table, chairs side-by-side, facing the snowy window. Kailim listened intently as Shane detailed his chicken-breeding methods. Yardstick cuddled with the stray cat by the fire. Outside, Hollyfrost Farm fell asleep under a crisp white blanket. Pine boughs drooped under dustings of snow, shivering in the chilly wind that whistled against the windows. By midnight, when the hot chocolate was gone, the fire was dying in the hearth, and Kailim was dozing on Shane's shoulder, at least five inches had fallen.

"Bedtime," Shane whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Kailim's head.

"Remember when you kissed me this summer?"

Shane chuckled. Her voice was soft, sleepy; he thought maybe it was a voice he could enjoy waking up to. "Um, I think you were the one who kissed me on my birthday."

"No," Kailim shook her head, blinking up at him. "When we had the second rainstorm. That night we fell asleep on the couch. You kissed me like you just did."

Despite their current situation, Shane felt his heart sink like he was a guilty little kid. "I thought you were asleep. Wait that sounds bad. I meant-"

Kailim kissed him with a gentle hand on his cheek, silencing the worries. "It made me happy, Shane."

He smiled against her lips. Despite the dying fire, the room felt warm. Suddenly, Kailim was too far away. Shane's hand ventured to Kailim's hip, seeking her warmth, guiding her to straddle him in the dining chair. Her lips parted, and he chased the lingering flavor of hot chocolate with his tongue.

"Shane, we don't have to-" Kailim gasped as his fingers dug into her hips.

"This is fine," he said, and honestly, it was. In his lap, he had full access to Kailim. Her chest vibrated against his as he kissed down her neck. "What can I do for you?"

Kailim leaned back suddenly. Her cheeks were flushed, hair wild, but her green eyes bore into Shane. "What about you?" The last thing Kailim wanted to do was push, but there had to be something she could do for Shane, even something small that would ultimately be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. All Kailim wanted was to return the favor in any way he could let her.

Shane shook his head, reaching for Kailim once again. She pushed his hands away. Shane's heart sank; he'd fucked this up. He had almost forgotten that was even a possibility. But Kailim wouldn't let him look away, and as much as he couldn’t believe it, there wasn’t a trace of judgment in her eyes - only concern, and care, and a simmering want. "You won't want to do anything," he whispered, "and I don't think I could handle your disappointment."

Kailim felt that wave of emotion crash again; this time, it caught her off guard. "I know you don't believe me, but damnit, I will do everything in my power to change your mind. There is nothing to be disappointed in. Shane Michael, I love you just how you are. No changes needed."

Shane gasped. He couldn't breathe. The room was too small, too hot, and somehow Kailim wasn’t close enough. "What?"

"I said, I love you just-" Kailim froze. Her words rang in Shane's ears, echoing in time with his racing heart. Kailim leaned forward, gently cupping his face in her hands. Her breath blew gentle over his face. "I love you."

The fire popped. Outside, the snow whispered as it fell. And Shane tried, but the words bottlenecked in his throat; he couldn't bear to break the silence. Not that the words wouldn't be true if he said them, but more like he didn't know how.

Maybe he could show her, though; show Kailim a small sliver of the trust her words made him feel.

Shane found Kailim's hands; he felt the way her fingers threaded through his. His breath fell heavy against her palm as he kissed it. And then slowly, shaking, Shane guided her hands to the hem of his shirt.

Kailim's fingertips burned as they tentatively reached under the fabric; skin-to-skin, and fuck, was she _electric_. Shane gasped at the sensitivity, the sensation. Kailim waited until he nodded, eyes closed tight, to continue.

Beneath her steady touch, Kailim felt the strength of Shane - burly, thick muscle padded by new healthy habits. She found a stable foundation in the stretch of his stomach as the muscle and coarse hair beneath her fingertips jumped. Kailim counted each rib with a kiss to his lips; wrapped her arms around his back so she could find the true breadth of his shoulders. Beneath her, Shane was wide, shaking planes matched with gentle rises of skin and muscle. He was strength and comfort all bound into one man, and Kailim fell willingly into the warmth.

Kailim's touch drew fire along Shane's skin, causing an overload where the shirt fabric fell in her wake. She found every flaw Shane knew; the love handles that wouldn't go away, the softness of his stomach despite long months of sobriety and hard work. Rather than skip over, though, Kailim lingered in these areas; her breathing hitched, she kissed Shane harder, stealing the breath he would have used to apologize. Her touch eased the anxiety in his chest, soothing over it with her electric touch.

"Thank you," Kailim whispered, face buried in his neck as her hands settled on his waist. "You are...amazing."

Shane couldn't catch his breath. They had barely moved - why the fuck was he breathing so hard? Shane's skin felt raw, exposed despite the clothes he still wore. Kailim was too much and yet not enough; he wanted more but was terrified to ask.

But now Shane knew he _could _ask. Like a safety net, he fell into Kailim, wrapping her up in his arms. 

Kailim wouldn’t push tonight, or she couldn't. She was already shaking under the enormity of the gift Shane had given her. Anything else felt hollow in comparison. Kailim nuzzled his shoulder, eyes dipping closed.

“Kailim?” Shane whispered. His breath tickled her ear.

“Mhm?”

“I can’t feel my legs.”

Kailim snorted, sighed dramatically, then lifted herself off of Shane’s lap, knees popping. Shane groaned as the blood rushed back to his legs.

They curled up on the couch, languid in the way their limbs tangled together. Shane had barely pulled a blanket over them before Kailim’s breathing softened into the steady, low rhythm of sleep. He listened, used the rise and fall of her chest to guide his heartbeat back from its racing pace.

Outside, the snowdrifts grew, blocking Hollyfrost Farm from the rest of the world, isolating them from the outside. And usually, that would scare Shane. He would dread the long, cold, sleepless nights, afraid of what he might do.

Honestly, he was still scared. But, he was also warm and tired, and safe, and he knew he didn’t have to do any of this alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote most of this fic in an hour, and then the last paragraph took me three hours. Because writing.
> 
> Let me know what you thought, and how you're faring during quarantine!


	40. Bonfire*

Bonfire 

Perhaps all around winter intended to be kinder this year. The first snowfall let up by morning. Hollyfrost Farm was tucked away under a fluffy blanket of white, and Kailim hardly let the flurries settle before she ventured out that next morning.

Between her and Shane, the decorations were hung by noon - red strands of hot peppers hung from the porch, glittering icicles dangled near the barnyard, and every twig on the great oak tree was encased in strings of warm lights. Jas and Marnie found their way over just in time to help line the pathways with giant candy canes.

"You know, Kailim," Marnie said, as they made their way inside the farmhouse - the Feast Tree still had to be decorated, "you really should have everyone over to see this again. It's impressive." 

It was almost instinctive, how Kailim reared up to say 'No,' but she bit her tongue, and instead hesitated on the porch to look out over Hollyfrost. It would be nice to not be so alone this winter.

"Jas, do you remember where I keep the Feast Tree decorations?" Kailim asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Go ahead and start decorating, then. Shane, will you help me out here?" Kailim zipped her coat back up. "Marnie, you have all the connections, so why don't we do exactly that?"

"What?"

"Invite everyone over tonight for a bonfire. You'll put out the word?"

The way Marnie smiled made Kailim feel like maybe she should do this more often. "Of course."

* * *

The roaring bonfire - made of broken fence posts and logs that were too rotted to be inside firewood - was almost dimmed by the glow of Hollyfrost at night.

Marnie had, as expected, worked her social magic and convinced over half of Pelican Town to come out to Hollyfrost Farm in the bitter cold, all for a bonfire and some pretty lights.

But, Kailim was proud of her lights, so the crowd was worth it.

"Was Robin not able to make it?" Kailim asked Sebastian as they sat around the bonfire on stumps and folding chairs. Gus brought the fixings for s'mores, and Alex was in the process of burning his marshmallow to a crisp next to Sebastian. Kailim watched Seb trade roasting sticks with Alex, shaking his head slowly.

"Actually, I think her and Demetrius are having a date night since Maru and I are here."

Alex soon brandished a properly toasted marshmallow with a wide grin. "Perfect."

"Finally," Sebastian said. He bit into the burnt marshmallow without so much as a grimace. "At least it's cold out." They were all bundled up in at least three layers, except for Sebastian - he seemed comfortable enough in his sweater.

"Where the hell is your jacket, Seb?" Kailim asked. "I know you like winter, but come on."

Alex spoke from around a mouthful of s'more. "I think you left it in my room."

Kailim paused. "What?"

"What?" Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What?" Alex shrugged. "You told me to ask nicely, Kailim. It worked."

Kailim squinted at the couple, trying to remember when the hell she had encouraged their relationship. "I'm lost."

"Luau," Sebastian said. His cheeks were finally red, but not from the cold.

"Oh," she nodded. "Well, I'm glad the tactic worked out."

"Me too," Alex nudged Sebastian, who hid his face behind his hair.

Kailim's phone vibrated in her pocket, and she stepped away from the fire to look at the phone call. It was late - nearly nine - and everyone who would call Kailim was currently around the bonfire.

The caller ID said Fern Island Bungalows.

"Hello?"

Kailim," Dad's voice said from the end of the line, "glad I caught you before bed."

Kailim's head reeled as she wandered further from the fire. "Dad? I didn't know you had a phone. I would have called-"

"Better you didn't," he interrupted, and his voice sounded strained. "Anyway, I was wondering, what are you doing for the Feast of the Winter Star?"

"Well, um-" Kailim glanced back at the fire. Was their first conversation in at least five years the time to bring up Kailim's new boyfriend? She thought not. "I was going to spend it here in Pelican Town."

"The town still holds a feast?"

"Yeah. Last year it was on Hollyfrost."

"Oh..." Dad was quiet for a moment. They both were. Kailim listened to the crowd behind her, the crackling of the fire, laughter, warmth. She heard Marnie talking, Jas laughing, and Kailim knew Shane had a small smile on his face - she saw those from him quite often, these days. 

Dad and their 'I told you so' relationship was a constant reminder of her time at Joja, and Joja had no place on her farm, or in her life.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Yes?"

"We could use some on-site help with that land contract I sent if you're up for it."

* * *

"So, he'll be here for the Feast?" Shane asked Kailim as they tended to the smoking ashes of the bonfire. Everyone had headed home on their own time - the last to leave were Sebastian, Alex, and Abigail, but even they couldn't last past midnight in the cold. A new snowfall had picked up, and the wind drove the temperature down. 

Kailim blew on her hands as she kicked dirt over the fire pit. "Yeah, to make sure Joja can't pull a fast one on the Community Center. He won't be here for a while, so I think I can get Robin to turn that shed she's building into a pretty nice guest house." Kailim smiled over at Shane as they crested the porch steps. "You're still welcome on the couch, of course."

Shane wanted more than the couch but didn't know how to ask, so he kept that information to himself. He also figured that asking about her estranged father probably wasn't the best idea tonight, either. They stripped their smoky outer layers, and Kailim lit a fire in the living room before locking Shane down with her steady gaze.

"We smell like smoke," she said, then reached down and, in one smooth motion, pulled her shirt over her head. In her thermals and bra, Kailim looked radiant; Shane's hands twitched to reach out, to touch the perfect skin. "Shower?"

"You first," he mumbled. Kailim blinked at him, and then Shane's brain clicked into place. "Oh."

"The door is open, Shane."

"To what?"

"A shower," she said earnestly, and Shane believed her. He knew that if it was a shower he wanted, it was a shower he would get. No more, no less.

But fuck, the light in her bathroom was bright and unforgiving.

He heard the water turn on and peeked down the hall. The door was cracked open. Shit, but Kailim didn't really want company. How could she? And what if-

No. Shane stopped himself. The invitation was clear, spelled out so blatantly that even his single functioning brain cell could recognize it. And Shane believed her - he believed in her touch, and the things she said. Shane might doubt himself, but he couldn't doubt Kailim.

The bathroom was humid, filled with steam, and smelling like clean soap. It made Shane realize how smoky he was; how heavily the scent clung to his clothes. So, he took them off. First, his shirt, with his back to the mirror, carefully folded on the counter next to Kailim's clothes. Then, thermals and boxers in one fell swoop, because if he didn't, he would chicken out completely.

Shane pulled back the shower curtain just enough to step in, and he lost his breath as Kailim looked down, then put her back to him entirely. Between the respect he felt and the image he saw, Shane nearly said some very stupid words.

Kailim's hair clung to strong, freckled shoulders; water dripped from the curled ends trailed rivulets down the contours of a muscled back. The ass that Shane often admired was there, in front of him, and fuck was it begging to be touched.

Shane felt cliche using the word 'goddess' because those didn't exist, but if they did, Kailim would be one of them. She looked comfortable in her own skin as she tossed her hair over one shoulder, eyes still trained to the wall, back turned.

"Is this okay?" Kailim asked.

Shane wanted to answer, wanted to say that he was here, wasn't he? But his mouth was dry despite the humid air, and the only words that wanted to come out made him shake, so he didn’t say anything.

Instead, Shane did the only thing that felt fair, right, and was somehow still terrifying. He reached out, set his hands on Kailim's hips, and turned her around.

She panicked for a split second, shutting her eyes tight, but the hand that found her wet cheek was gentle, trembling as she felt Shane’s forehead press to hers. “Please,” he asked. 

Shane had asked, and who was Kailim to say no?

Shane watched Kailim’s green eyes blink open, kissing his palm with a smile before she stepped back. With a washcloth, her eyes followed in the electric wake of her hands, scrubbing away the lingering cold of winter. Shane held his breath, watching as Kailim took him in - all of him. There was no judgment, no disgust in the way she touched him, gentle fingers lingering on the places he avoided as if they were the most beautiful parts; under her touch, her gaze, Shane thought that maybe they could be.

Kailim traded places, so the water stream hit Shane’s chest. She took care over his shoulders, the muscle there strong and broad and dwarfing her; she leaned into the small feeling, the safety. Kailim committed to memory every freckle, the way his shoulders rose and fell with each breath, how water etched paths over his hips, down to muscular thighs and calves. She found a birthmark on his ribs in the shape of a tooth and pressed a kiss to the skin there before turning him back around.

Shane searched Kailim’s face for disgust, revulsion, or any of his other worst fears. All he managed to find was her smile, and the love that she had breathed into him just last night. Kailim hadn’t repeated the words, but he wished she would.

Then, Shane barely caught the hint of fire behind Kailim’s eyes before he felt her hand on his inner thigh, and he nearly keeled over from surprise, but Shane couldn’t ignore his desire when her hand found him hard and ready.

Shane stilled her hand, and for a moment, Kailim thought she had pushed too far, too fast. Then, Shane pressed a hard kiss to her lips and muttered, “If you do that in here, I’ll crack my head open.”

Kailim grinned and shut off the water, tossing a towel at Shane. They were barely dry before she pulled them down the hall to the couch.

Somehow, as Shane settled onto the couch, he wasn’t worried about the thicker parts of him - aware, sure, but not nearly as ashamed as before. For the first time in a long time where his body was concerned, Shane was excited.

Kailim pressed a kiss to his forehead, sinking to her knees. The giddiness in her eyes was momentarily replaced with gentle concern. “Is this okay?" she asked. "It’s whatever you're comfortable with, Shane."

Kailim looked so small, so honest, and patient, and beautiful. Shane sighed, let his head fall back on the couch, and nodded. The grin Kailim shot him made his stomach clench, and he hissed as her hand found him.

Shane groaned. Her hand was so warm, so firm as she gave a test stroke. "Fuck, Kailim." She smiled, overjoyed at his reaction. Her expression alone nearly killed Shane right then and there. Kailim pressed a kiss to his thigh; he felt the hint of her tongue as she pulled away.

Shane couldn't think, couldn't possibly imagine anything besides this beautiful woman who thought he was somehow worthy of her attention. Kailim reached for Shane's hand, guided it into her damp hair as she shifted, lowering her hand to his base - Shane's breath hitched in anticipation. He saw her smile - fuck, she knew what she was doing. He felt her breath on his skin, so close, and yet, she wasn't moving. Did she change her mind?

Kailim took a deep breath, then pounced, taking Shane as far back as he would go. The noise he made was shocked, animalistic as his hand tightened in her hair, not forcing or guiding, but more like he was holding on for dear life, and that was his anchor point.

"Fucking hell, Kailim," he hissed, and she moaned around his length, adding a hand to her efforts. The single synapse that was still working in Shane's brain fired, and he tested out a theory. "You're so good at that, K."

Kailim took in a sharp breath, and Shane had figured it out: Kailim liked words. Words he could do; a way to give back while she was giving, assuming his brain could still form a sentence.

"Just like that," he encouraged her. Kailim took him deep again. "Fuck, I won't last long if you - holy shit - keep that up." Kailim found a spot just under his head, and Shane suddenly felt his orgasm looming on the horizon, much closer than he thought. The shower had worked him up. "K, I'm close," he warned, but that only seemed to encourage her. "Damnit, Kailim."

He tightened his hand in her hair, meant as a final warning, but Kailim stayed where she was, meeting his eyes defiantly. Shane's mouth hung open as, with a final twist of her hand, he was back in her throat and careening over the edge.

Shane had had many an orgasm - some from others, most by his own hand - but none of those compared to this one. This orgasm wrecked him, tore sounds from his chest that he didn't know he could make. His head spun as each wave crashed like an electric shock. It was like he was drowning, but breathing better than he had in years.

And through it all, to catch him and bring him back down from the high, was Kailim. Her hand pets his thigh as she cleaned him up, equal parts lascivious and caring as she waited, patiently, for Shane to come back to her.

With what small bit of intelligence Shane retained, he pulled Kailim up into his side and threw a blanket over them. She was smiling as she nestled under his arm.

“Was that okay?” Kailim asked, breath cold against Shane’s damp skin.

How? How could he put into words what she had done? How comfortable the firelight, the blanket, their skin-to-skin made him feel? The fact that there was no pressure for more, and he knew it. Neither of them could handle that tonight.

There were no words.

Well, there were, but Shane bit those words back, the final bit of terror reeling the phrase from his lips. Instead, he nodded, pulled Kailim to him, and kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you.” Maybe those words could suffice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have, like, three chapters left, y'all. I promise I won't fail you now with updates.


	41. Vandalism*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning: Non-explicit, emotional smut

Vandalism

“Sh!” Kailim whispered, broken by giggles from the others as they snuck behind the Stardrop Saloon and into the dark town square. They had maybe half-an-hour before the crowd left the Festival of Ice in Cindersap Forest and returned to town; every minute was valuable.

Their group split into teams. Alex and Sebastian took over Rusty’s dog run; Abigail and Sam managed the graveyard and saloon; Shane, Kailim, and Jas were left with the town center.

Shane gathered snow, rolling a snowball until it was nearly as big as Jas. Kailim positioned it while he rolled up the middle ball. Soon, they had the blank forms of three snowmen - one small, one medium, and one large. Jas gleefully took over.

Jas designed three traditional snowmen with stick arms, rock eyes, and carrot noses. On one snowman went a farmer’s straw hat; another was given a snow chicken to hold; the smallest snowman had a large bow made of holly and sticks. 

They all finished just as crowds could be heard coming from Cindersap Forest. The vandals scattered - Sam and Abigail toward Pierre’s store, Alex and Sebastian to Alex’s house. Shane scooped up Jas and, alongside Kailim, they jumped the fence into Emily’s backyard and hunkered down, waiting as everyone passed.

“What is that in the graveyard?” Someone - sounded like Gus - said. Jas giggled, and Kailim clamped a hand over her mouth.

It wasn’t like they would actually get in trouble for vandalizing the town with questionable snowmen - Yoba only knew what kind of snow goon Sam and Abigail had created. But the tension, the surprise, was enough to make Jas hunker into her coat with a wide grin as they listened. Pelican Town found the snowmen with surprise, shock, and, most of all, with laughter.

When it sounded like all the voices had migrated to the snow family in the town square, Kailim cracked open the gate and led Shane and Jas out of Emily’s backyard, sneaking into Cindersap forest. Jas held it together as long as her little body could manage, but they were barely to the ranch before she broke out in fits of giggles and laughter.

“Did you hear Mr. Lewis?” She asked as Shane unlocked the ranch house. “He called us ‘rascals’!”

“In a good way, I think,” Kailim assured Jas; they didn’t need the child getting hooked on vandalism until she was at least a teenager. 

Marnie greeted them from beside a roaring fire in the sitting room. “What took you so long? I couldn’t find either of you after the festival. Sit down, or you’ll freeze. And Jas, what are you so giggly about?”

“You’ll see!” Jas said, throwing herself on the rug in front of the fire. Kailim and Shane joined her on the floor. “We built some snowmen.”

Marnie squinted like she didn’t quite believe her, but sighed, shaking her head. “I’m glad you had fun, Jas. Anyone need some hot chocolate?”

“Me!” Jas sprang up, following Marnie into the kitchen.

Kailim leaned into the warmth of the fire and the man beside her. Shane wrapped an arm around her. Jas brought in a tray of hot chocolate, and Marnie threw another log on the fire. Jas crawled between Shane and Kailim, laying her head on Kailim’s lap.

Outside, Mother Nature sprinkled a new layer of powder over Cindersap Forest. The sky grew pale, then dark as night set in. Easy conversation ebbed and flowed like snowdrifts. The fire popped and hissed as it consumed the logs until the flames were little more than smoldering embers, and the room grew dim.

Marnie patted their shoulders as she turned in for the night. Without a thought, Kailim gathered a sleeping Jas into her arms. Shane opened the door to Jas’ room. Together, they tucked Jas in, pulling the covers up to her chin. Jas stirred, reaching for Kailim’s hand. Kailim kneeled next to the bed.

“I had fun with you today,” she whispered to Jas. Shane watched, suddenly struck by how different this winter was compared to last. The weather didn’t seem as harsh; the days weren’t as cold, as dark; he wasn’t nearly as lonely. His heart swelled, watching Kailim place Jas’ hand delicately back under the blankets, brushing hair from the child’s face as she stood.

“I love you.”

Shane didn’t recognize his own voice; his throat was so choked with emotion. The words were said softly, naturally into the dim room, and he watched as a gentle smile crept over Kailim’s face.

“I love you too, Shane.”

And that was the truth of it - he loved Kailim, trusted her, wanted her. Kailim took his hand, and Shane followed her out to the front entry. He watched as Kailim pulled on her winter jacket.

"Can I stay the night?"

He felt stupid for asking; scared of what he was asking for, but in a good way - what he once would have described as anxiety was now excitement. However, that didn’t mean Kailim would say yes.

She nodded and handed him his coat.

Rather than panic, Shane focused on how damn cold it was outside and how warm Kailim's hand was where it held his in his pocket. He didn't want to say goodnight to this yet, this quiet of snow falling in a dark forest, this certainty of mutual love, this peace as they made their way to Hollyfrost.

But Shane still hesitated when they reached Kailim's porch. This felt different - he wanted tonight to be different so that he could say those words over and over again to Kailim in all the ways he felt them, and all the ways he meant them.

"You're thinking loudly," Kailim said from her open doorway. Yardstick danced around their feet. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong. I'm just...I want..." The words wouldn't come out.

"Come here." Kailim reached out, shutting the front door behind Shane. She wrapped her arms around his waist gently, slowly, like he was an animal waiting to be spooked. Kailim tucked herself into Shane's chest; he instinctively curled over her, bringing her into his warmth.

"We don’t have to do anything, Shane. Ever. It’s what you want.”

"And what if I want you?”

Shane could feel the silence that ensued - not suffocating, but anticipatory, like that moment between the firework and the 'bang.' He watched a fire ignite behind Kailim’s eyes, relieved by the grin that spread across her face.

“Then, I will assure you that I have the only stash of latex-free condoms in all of Pelican Town."

Shane laughed. He couldn’t help the chuckles as he wrapped Kailim in his arms. Of course, Kailim had thought ahead; the gesture was thoughtful, in the practical way that Kailim seemed to have perfected. Shane was so damn lucky. “What, you bought all of the condoms at Joja Mart?”

Kailim wrinkled her nose. “Hell no. I’m not giving them my money.”

“I can only imagine the look Pierre gave you, then.”

“He doesn’t sell latex-free ones.”

Shane pulled back. “Then where-”

“Harvey. I got condoms and the doctor lecture that comes with them. You’re gonna get a lecture, too, next time he sees you.”

Well, that wasn’t so bad, then. Dr. Harvey had already seen Shane at his worst; it could only go up from here. “Thank-you. That saves me the walk of shame back to Marnie’s.”

“Of course,” Kailim squeezed his hand. “Come on. I’ll light a fire in the bedroom.”

Standing in the doorway, Shane realized he had never been in Kailim’s bedroom. His presence in the threshold felt wrong, almost. But the room was comforting, cozy, bright as Kailim lit a fire in the hearth. The bed was piled with blankets, and Shane sat down on the edge of the mattress since that’s where they were going to end up anyway.

When the fire was lit, Kailim glided toward Shane. She pulled him up, twisting their fingers together. She had to stand on her tip-toes to kiss him. The sweet taste of Kailim was overwhelming, with a hint of the hot chocolate from earlier. This - her lips, the way she melted into him - this Shane understood. The small moans from the back of Kailim's throat were familiar, lulling Shane into a daze as they lazily kissed. Then, Kailim guided their clasped hands to the hem of her shirt, laying Shane's fingers against her warm skin in invitation.

Shane's confidence wavered for barely a moment. This seemed like the turning point; thankfully, Kailim was taking the lead. He gathered the fabric in his hands, pulling her to him, eliciting a small gasp that made him smile. The motion tested Shane's patience, but he wanted to savor every moment as he slowly bunched up Kailim's shirt, guiding it up and over her head. Breathing heavy, Kailim took a small step back, reaching behind herself for the clasp of her bra. She undid the clasp with ease, never looking away from Shane's gaze, and let the item fall to the floor.

She was just as beautiful as Shane remembered - hell, more beautiful, standing in the firelight. She waited, silently asking if this was okay, too much, or not enough. Kailim ceded the lead to Shane then; whatever he wanted, whatever he could handle, and the knowledge made his chest tighten, but he was thankful. For now, he chose the pace. Shane needed her, needed to feel her pressed to him. He closed the space between them with a new sense of urgency.

Kailim’s hands were cold as they slipped under Shane's shirt. The power her touch held over him hadn't waned; he gasped, slanting his mouth over hers. Fuck, how long had it been since he'd been with someone? And he'd definitely never been with someone like Kailim - so strong, so soft, so open. Her hands drug his shirt up, up, until he pulled away so she could get the fabric over his head. Then, Shane was back in, pulling her to him as he guided them back toward the bed. 

They fell into the mattress side-by-side. The firelight cast dim shadows over Kailim and her smile. Shane's breath fell from his chest. "You're beautiful," he said.

Kailim laughed, standing up. Shane watched as she kicked off her thermals. In a fit of bravery, or maybe curiosity, he sat up, hooking his fingers in the band of Kailim's underwear and turning her toward him. Shane pressed a kiss to the long line of Kailim's stomach, listening to the way her breath caught and then blew out in shaky waves. Her fingers traced circles in his hair as Shane took his time, building his confidence bit by bit, slowly revealing precious inches of Kailim that he then explored with a kiss: each hip bone and the soft skin in between; one thigh, then the other. It was reverent teasing - each press of lips a thank-you that Shane knew he could never say out loud - until Kailim was bare before him and Shane took the opportunity to lean back and stare.

In the firelight, naked save for a flush across her collarbone, Kailim looked open, honest, tiny, and Shane felt stunned that she would give this to him; that he could do this for her.

Shane's awe was broken by fingers - now warm - sneaking under the waistband of his jeans. Shane lifted his hips to help. Everywhere Kailim's hands trailed, her gaze followed, scoring lines of heat down his skin - hips, then thighs, finally legs. Kailim pressed chaste kisses in her wake until there was nothing to hide behind but the space between them.

Kailim reached into the bedside table, retrieving a condom from its wrapper. Shane flopped back into the blankets, eyes shut tight. He braced, tense, waiting, but he didn't know for what. 

He trusted Kailim. But -

"Breathe," Kailim whispered. She had climbed up to straddle him in his moment of panic. Shane pulled them chest-to-chest as he let out a shaky breath. Kailim buried her face into his neck. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, and it was the truth, but Shane still couldn't catch his breath. "Are you? Do you still want-"

Kailim kissed him. "Come here."

And Shane watched as Kailim rose, took him in hand, and Shane held his breath, hands tight on her hips as she sank down, down, until they were flush. Kailim leaned forward, lips parted, pressing a kiss to Shane's chest.

"I love you."

The words were spoken into his chest, opening the tension like a seam ripper; breathed against his skin until he nearly drew away from the sensation. At once, he gasped, and finally felt - her warmth, the brush of her hair on his shoulder, the softness of her hips as they stilled, waiting. It hurt, this much feeling; it was too much, to be this open, this honest, but fuck, Kailim was worth it. This life, this world - all worth it.

Shane surged up, flipping Kailim into the mattress. She laughed, bringing her legs back around his waist as Shane began to move. The laughter turned to gasp, moans, encouragement whispered into Shane's neck as he held Kailim close, burying his face into her shoulder.

Shane drowned in Kailim; her sweet smell tangled with a hint of sweat; the tight heat that constricted when he found a good angle. Shane rose to his forearms, angling deeper, diving further underwater as he took in all of Kailim. The furrow to her brow deepened, her breath hitched. Kailim’s fingers dug into his hips. Her leg around his waist pushed him deeper with each thrust.

“Shane-” Kailim whined, almost begged. His name, hot and heavy on her lips, sent a bolt of lightning down his spine. Shane’s hips stuttered, orgasm suddenly close. But fuck, he wanted to see her finish. Shane reached down, found Kailim’s center, and worked to pull her over the edge with all the grace he could muster.

Kailim’s back arched. She cried out, shuddering around Shane as time suddenly froze. Shane took a mental picture, committing to memory the curl of Kailim’s hair, the firelight’s glint in her green eyes, and the soft smile as she came down from her high. It was in the final tremors of Kailim’s orgasm that Shane found his own; heavy, trembling, destructive, and healing as he fell forward on a breath that scattered goosebumps over Kailim’s skin.

Kailim threaded her arms around Shane, their chests rising and falling in a labored tandem. Reluctantly, Shane rolled to the side, pulling Kailim with him. He couldn’t bear the cold that seeped between them from the winter windows when Kailim’s warmth was such a welcoming option. Kailim haphazardly threw a blanket over them as their breath steadied out.

Shane found Kailim’s rhythmic heartbeat at the same time he found his voice, cracked, hoarse, but confident. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When your job is suddenly deemed essential, things go from 0-60 quick. That being said, we only have two(ish) chapters left, so, bare with me, I won't abandon y'all.
> 
> Please, please, let me know what you think! Stay safe!


	42. Hands in the Dark*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: smut, and it's a little bit more explicit than previous chapters, I guess *shrug*

Hands in the Dark 

Kailim opened her eyes to a dimly lit room. Snow fell from an overcast sky, flurries barely visible through a frosted window. Yardstick yawned from the foot of the bed. It had to be early still. The cold tempted Kailim’s eyes to shut again; surely, the morning chores could wait. Then, a hand found Kailim’s hip under the blankets, and she smiled, rolling towards the warmth of another body. 

Shane looked so peaceful when he slept. His face relaxed, carefree in a way that was hidden when awake. Yoba, he looked rested, for once; no circles under his eyes - the bags had been lightening bit by bit in the past months - and his frown lines were giving way to a lopsided dimple under a scruffy beard.

Kailim brushed the hair from Shane’s eyes as he stifled a yawn, then risked a peek into the room. This close, the green of his eyes was bright, intricate, clearer than it had been in a long while.

“Morning,” Kailim whispered, pressing a kiss to Shane’s forehead.

Shane wrapped his arms around Kailim, tucking her into his chest. The motion felt surreal, but sure enough, Kailim didn’t fade into a dream that he would maybe confess to her one day. She was soft, and warm, and real.

A small, weak part of Shane whispered worry; was this their new normal? Or a rare occurrence? Which did he want it to be?

“It’s too early for that much thinking,” Kailim mumbled from the blankets. Shane chuckled, and his worry dissipated into the chilly morning air.

He kissed the top of her head. “Good morning.”

And it was a very good morning.

* * *

The next two weeks were gentle, calm in the way winter forced things to be. Robin finished fixing up the shed-turned-guest-house, and it turned out to be a cozy little retreat just west of the main house. In quiet moments, Shane and Kailim drew up plans for Hollyfrost’s spring - what seeds to buy, flowers to plant, and livestock to add. Marnie had been hounding Kailim with the promise of goats for a while now, and if Robin finished the barn upgrade by spring, they would have plenty of room for a sizable herd.

On days when it snowed enough for Penny to cancel tutoring, Jas followed Shane to Hollyfrost. Yardstick and the stray cat were her friends, while the adults discussed land plots and sprinkler schematics. If the wind let up in the afternoon, Shane would take Jas out to visit Bunny. The child fit perfectly on the horse’s back, and Bunny was shockingly tolerant of the saddle Marnie donated. Shane led them around the stable while Kailim watched from the fence. After the first day of riding lessons, Shane found a child’s riding helmet waiting in Bunny’s stall.

Shane learned many things in the two weeks leading up to the Night Market docking in Pelican Town, all small discoveries that he treasured.

Shane learned that Jas could out-milk him with the cows on the one occasion he convinced her to help.

Shane learned that Kailim was a blanket hog, and the only way to prevent that was to ensure she stayed close to him all night. In addition, he learned that this wasn’t about sex for Kailim, not that he had any reason to believe it was. The emotions from their first time together were raw and real, and neither was ready to revisit such intense sensations so soon. Instead, the nights Shane slept over were filled with meandering conversation, laughter, and contact found in the weight of Kailim’s head on his chest, and her fingers woven through his as they dozed in a dimly lit room.

When he spent the night at Marnie’s, Shane learned that his bed was cold and lonely.

Above all, though, Shane discovered that Kailim, when she was nervous, had nightmares. Anxiety-triggered bad dreams that twisted her face as she slept. He couldn’t wake her - she was in too deep - so Shane just held her until she stilled in his arms.

The nightmares became more frequent the closer they got to the Night Market, and Shane could guess why.

“Dad’s supposed to be here tomorrow,” Kailim said the day before the Night Market began. Shane was bedding Bunny down for the night. Kailim leaned against the fence, her back sore from hauling feed into the barn from the silos.

“Nervous?” he asked.

Kailim didn’t answer at first. She opened the gate for Shane, and together they made their way towards the farmhouse through barren fields. Inside, they stripped their outer layers. Kailim winced when her back twinged as she twisted to take off her jacket. Shane came over and helped slide the jacket off. Drawn to his heat, tired from the cold day, and lack of sleep, Kailim tucked herself into Shane’s arms.

“I’m scared. Dad's my last connection to Joja. I want nothing to do with them, but I sure as hell would like my dad back. What if we can’t separate the two anymore?”

Shane didn’t know what to say. When it came to meeting Kailim’s dad, his own nerves seemed like a weak comparison, so rather than dig himself a hole, Shane ran his hands up and down Kailim’s back, gently, trying to find the knot of muscles that was bothering her.

Kailim flinched when Shane skirted over the small of her back. His hands stilled. She sighed.

“Just sore from lifting all that hay,” she said. “I’ll sleep it off.”

“Or you’ll make it worse,” Shane kissed the top of her head. “Can I help?”

“How?”

Shane chewed on his words, hoping it didn’t sound too much like he just wanted to get Kailim in bed. He did, but not for _ that _ reason. “I remember a bit of massage therapy from back in my gridball days. We could probably work out those knots.” To emphasize his point, Shane found the tight muscles in Kailim’s back and pressed. She bit her lip, eyes dipping closed, and Shane’d be damned if that wasn’t one of the sexiest things he’d ever seen. He started to doubt his own intentions.

“Well, you are good with your hands,” Kailim murmured, laying a kiss to Shane’s neck.

He spun her towards the bedroom before she could break his resolve completely. “That’s not why I’m doing this. Bed.”

Shane helped Kailim shed the rest of her clothes. The black set of underwear she wore underneath was practical, but that made it all the more ‘Kailim.’ Shane’s eyes lingered as Kailim crossed to the bed, where she hesitated. She stared at the glowing lamp on the bedside table.

“We don’t have to do this, Kailim,” Shane said.

She shook her head. “No, it’s not that,” Kailim said, then threw a smirk over her shoulder; the look landed right in Shane’s chest and sent a shiver down his spine. “How do you want me?”

There were a lot of answers to that question, but Shane went with the simplest one. “Lay on your stomach, get comfortable.”

Shane crawled up behind Kailim, straddling her thighs and adjusting his weight, so he didn’t crush her. Kailim turned her head to the side. “All yours,” she said, giving her shoulders a shake, but all that succeeded in doing was shaking her hips, and Shane quickly looked away.

“Again, not why I’m doing this,” Shane told her. 

Kailim laughed, “I know, and I appreciate it.”

When Shane could breathe evenly again, he let himself look down at the expanse of Kailim before him. All muscle, and freckles, and soft skin, but the small of her back was pulled taught like she couldn’t quite lay flat. Shane wrapped his hands around her sides, pressing his palms into either side of her spine and soothing the muscle downward, toward the swell of her hips.

Kailim sighed, burying her face in the bed. “Fuck, Shane. Learned that from gridball, huh?”

“Most of it,” he admitted, this time repeating the motion in small circles. 

“And the rest?”

Shane shook his head. “Doesn’t matter now.” And that was the truth - nothing else mattered besides the woman beneath him, whose sighs and quiet moans guided Shane to the next knot of muscle, then the next. Kailim melted, shifting her hips against the growing arousal in his jeans, and Shane scooted back along her legs; one, so he wasn’t pressed up against her fantastic ass, and two, so he could work on her lower back, where her spine met her hips.

“Shane?” Kailim asked, her voice small in the quiet room. “Can we try something?”

Shane’s hands froze on her hips; Kailim had back dimples, and he was starting to get distracted by them. Her question pulled the emergency brakes on his train of thought. “Um...yeah. Sure.”

Kailim steeled herself, shutting her eyes tight. A breath in. A breath out. Then, Kailim reached out to the bedside table, found the cord to the lamp, and pulled.

The room plunged into darkness. On instinct, Shane retracted from her sides, but Kailim reached back, pressing those strong, calloused hands against her skin as if they were all that kept her pinned to the mattress, rather than the suffocating knowledge of the dark surrounding them.

The shadows no longer posed the threat they once did; no accusatory faces, judging fingers, probing questions. No, these days, the dark was just the dark, nothing more. But Kailim had spent so long fearing that something would pounce upon her, grab her, reach out from the blackness and _ touch _ her that the fear was instinctual.

And Kailim didn’t want to be scared anymore.

Rather than flinch away from the too-sensitive heat that radiated from Shane’s touch, Kailim dove into the sensation, letting his hands sear the fear from her skin. Kailim blew out a shaky breath, then opened her eyes to the darkness.

“Keep going,” she said. So he did.

Shane couldn’t pretend to understand what Kailim was working through, but he was _ helping _ , and that was all Shane could ever hope for. Shane pressed back into the knotted muscles, tracing patterns up her spine, into her shoulders, then down again. Kailim spasmed, sighed, gritted her teeth with every new touch, and Shane was in awe. _ He _ was making Kailim feel like this - hypersensitive, relaxed, vulnerable. Every emotion Kailim pulled from Shane, it seemed he could return the favor, and the realization manifested in Shane as security and confidence.

“Come here,” she said through heavy breaths. Shane lifted enough so she could roll beneath him, and Kailim reached up, meeting Shane halfway in an open-mouthed, breathless kiss. Their kiss, wrapped in darkness, was even more intense than Shane’s touch, and Kailim bowed into the broad swath of body above her, gasping as her hand knotted at the hem of his shirt and pulled in impatience.

“Is this okay?” Shane asked, separating from Kailim’s kiss to yank his shirt over his head. He gasped where her hands found his skin in the dark, burning a trail down to the waist of his jeans. “Kailim-”

“Please, Shane,” Kailim begged against his lips, his neck, peppering kisses over his skin. Covered by shadow, every touch and emotion was amplified, shocking in the way Kailim so desperately needed. Kailim felt the weight of Shane’s hands, each digit pressing fire into her skin as he kissed down the plane of her body. He stopped when he was level with her thighs, fingertips dipping into the hemline of her underwear.

Shane laid a kiss to the crease where her thigh met her hip. “You still with me, K?” Her response was a hand in his hair, pulling tight as her hips wiggled in his hands. Shane chuckled. “Message received, but I need to know you’re with me, sweetheart.”

Her heart stuttered at the nickname. “Shane Michael,” Kailim practically growled, and if Shane’s eyes were adjusted to the darkness, he knew Kailim would be glaring down at him, “between your voice and your hands, I’m about to die up here.”

“Preferably not,” Shane said with another kiss to her thigh. In one quick motion, Shane pulled down the final barrier between him and Kailim. Her legs spread, hooking over his broad shoulders.

Kailim held her breath, chest tight in anticipation. Shane’s fingers ghosted in mindless patterns over her core; his breath fanned cold air against her heat each time he exhaled. Kailim gasped when his fingertips dipped in, testing, but then retracted.

Kailim hissed, bucking her hips up desperately. Shane just chuckled, wrapping his free hand around her middle to keep her still. Kailim whined. “Shane-”

There. That’s what he was waiting for. Shane slid two fingers inside Kailim, curling upward just as his mouth found her center.

Kailim keened, rolling against the arm that had her pinned. The sensation was already too much, her body wound tightly as if she could snap. Kailim was granted one small mercy as her eyes finally adjusted to the darkness. She could see the outline of Shane’s broad shoulders spreading her legs wide, watched the muscles underneath move as he wrenched moans and gasps from Kailim’s chest.

Shane loved how vocal Kailim was. He relished in it, listening to each sound like a guide, showing him where to touch, kiss, lick next. Shane read Kailim’s body as if he had known it for years, and when he felt her tighten around his fingers, he lifted his mouth from her center, gasping.

“Come on, Kailim,” he pleaded, watching as her back began to arch like a bowstring. Her thighs tightened around his shoulders. “Kailim, please. Please, sweetheart, come for me.”

Kailim’s orgasm swept over her on a shuddering cry, somewhere between Shane’s name and a curse, like a final wave of fire that scorched all the fear from her mind. It was healing, raw in the way Kailim didn’t know she needed but knew she wanted more of it.

Shane guided her down with gentle kisses, soft touches against spasming muscle and skin. He had barely retracted his hand when he felt a firm grip drag him up Kailim’s body. She wrapped her legs around his hips, rocking against the jeans that were now painful, almost constricting.

“Woah, hey,” Shane gasped as her hands fumbled with the button of his jeans. “K, we don’t have to-”

Kailim was desperate in her newfound freedom from fear. “Shane, don’t make me beg.”

He chuckled as they worked together to kick off his jeans and boxers. Kailim’s hand found him hard and heavy as she gave a teasing stroke. “Fuck. Well, you didn’t seem to mind it.”

“Not the point,” she laughed as she fumbled through her nightstand for a condom, handing it to Shane. “I’m also not complaining.”

Shane smiled as he leaned down, kissing Kailim lazily. He knew the moment he slipped inside, he would lose all pretense of teasing, so Shane took a steadying breath to prolong this. “So, my voice, huh?”

The gravel that sex lent to Shane’s voice was unfair, dragging along Kailim’s skin to stoke the fire in her core once again. “Hush.”

“I just want to know what you like, sweetheart,” he tested the nickname again, and Kailim sucked in a harsh breath. Shane chuckled. “Noted.”

But Kailim wasn’t too far gone not to fight back. “Yes, your voice, your words, your hands,” she said, hooking her legs around Shane’s hips, pressing her core to his length in a languid tease. “But I especially love how your cock feels inside me.”

Shane choked, pressing Kailim back into the bed. “Okay, maybe I get the ‘words’ thing,” he said breathlessly. “Now, come here.”

Kailim was warm and wet, tight as Shane slid in. When their hips finally connected at the end of a long, languid stroke, Kailim wrapped her hands around his back like he was what connected her to this world. Shane knew he was doomed, no matter how many deep breaths he took.

But sex with Kailim was like that - intense, overwhelming, consuming. Her body broke Shane down to his core as he was spurred on by her moans and curses. The time for teasing had long since passed. Shane’s control broke. The sturdy bed shook rhythmically beneath them as Shane brought himself to his knees, lifting Kailim’s hips for a better angle. She cried out, fisting her hands in the sheets as she shuddered around Shane in a second orgasm.

“Shane-” Kailim begged, and that was it. Shane pulled her to him, burying his face in her neck as he rocked against Kailim through wave after wave of sensation, chasing the knife’s edge between pleasure and overstimulation until he stilled with a final stutter of his hips.

“Fucking hell, Kailim,” Shane whispered against Kailim’s sweat-soaked skin when his vision leveled out, and he remembered that words were a thing humans knew how to use. But those were the only words Shane could find; Kailim had rendered him speechless.

Shane rolled to the side, standing to clean himself off. When he turned back around, Kailim reached out from under the blankets. Shane went willingly to her warmth, to her gentle, lazy kisses as he wrapped this amazing woman in his arms.

“How’s your back?” he asked.

“Perfect,” Kailim laughed, pressing another kiss to Shane’s lips. “Told you, you're good with your hands.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added another chapter, so two chapters left, y'all! Let me know what you think!


	43. Sum Total

Sum Total

Kailim woke to an empty bed - no Shane, no Yardstick, not even the stray cat. The sheets were still wrinkled where Shane had been. Outside, she heard snow crunching under heavy winter boots, and the chickens squawking for their morning hay. Despite the temptation of soft blankets and warm covers, Kailim knew that, at some point, she would have to roll over and face the day. At least Kailim would get to do so with Shane.

Two more inches of snow had fallen overnight. The morning was cold, with a soft wind that blew flurries through the frozen air. Yardstick sprang up from a snowdrift by the chicken coop, barreling toward Kailim with yaps and yips that cut through the peaceful sunrise. Shane stuck his head out of the coop.

"Morning," he said, shutting the door behind him. Shane’s morning beard scruff scratched Kailim’s cheek, but his lips were warm against her cold skin.

They fell into step as they headed to the barn. "You got started without me,” Kailim said, but her heart wasn’t behind the words.

"You were sleeping for once. I didn't want to wake you."

And then Kailim remembered why she hadn't been sleeping in the first place and sighed. "That's today. I should go make sure the cabin is ready for him."

"You checked yesterday."

"I'll double-check today. Need to dig out the path anyway." Kailim opened the barn door for Shane. "You got the cows?"

Shane watched Kailim’s brow furrow at the thought of her dad’s visit, but at least the dark circles under her eyes were gone. Shane pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. "I'll come help when I'm done."

"Thank you," Kailim said, squeezing Shane's hand before he disappeared into the barn. At least she wouldn't have to face Dad alone.

The guest cabin - a cozy, independent little house - peered at Kailim past dormant bee boxes and an empty flower field. Kailim kicked around until she uncovered the cobblestone path, then began to shovel. 

Thank Yoba for manual labor. The grating of the snow shovel ate away at Kailim's internal clock until she was almost to the front door of the guest house, and Shane came up the cleared path, shovel in hand. They decided on a strategy to divide and conquer. Shane began clearing out the driveway, and Kailim finished the guest house with more of the scrape, scrape, scrape of metal on cobble. Somewhere deep inside, Kailim's brain went into autopilot: shovel, toss, shuffle, and repeat until the shovel clanged loudly against the front door of the guest house. Then, scrape, swish, scrape, while Kailim swept the porch. Kailim's breath blew out in white puffs. She pulled her stocking cap over her ears.

Despite the tunnel vision and willing of time to pass, Kailim still felt herself waiting, watching, one eye always turned to the driveway in case Dad suddenly appeared over the snowdrifts. He didn’t, but still, what if?

It was maybe only late morning when Kailim gave up on her distractions. Shane was almost done with the driveway, so Kailim retreated to the barn to put away the tools. The cows nudged her, requesting pets. Kailim obliged.

And then, through the thick folds of her stocking cap, Kailim heard faint voices. Her heart stopped as she pulled the cap off to make sure because maybe it was Marnie checking on them, or Robin-

No, that was Dad, talking to Shane in a warm, polite tone. She listened, eyes shut tight, hand still pressed to the nose of a cow. As if she could ever forget that voice.

The last time she had heard that voice, it was quiet, hushed, and disappointed. Looking back now, Kailim was disappointed, too. But she had moved on from those suffocating Joja-brand cubicles and heart-crushing days; Dad was the last remaining piece of her past she needed to recolor, to pull from Joja's depressing cloud of grey. But could she? 

"I think she was just in the barn," Shane was saying. "I'll find her."

"No, no, if she's busy, I can wait," Dad said. She heard the shuffling of bags and took a deep breath.

Kailim loved her father. She at least had to try.

Kailim came up the path to the guest house. The door was cracked open. Shane met Kailim on the porch. There were no words, just a squeeze of her arm as he passed, and then the door was opening, and Kailim was stepping into the cozy guest cabin.

And there Dad was, kneeling to pet Yardstick behind the ears. The door clicked shut behind Kailim.

"He gets around pretty well for three legs," Dad said, and Kailim felt the knot in her chest tighten; she wasn't the only one who didn't know how to do this.

"His name is Yardstick. He's a stubborn little guy."

Dad stood. He looked older than Kailim remembered - less pepper and more salt through his hair, deeper wrinkles over the forehead. But still, there was plenty of her dad left in the structure of his jaw, and those piercing green eyes that branded them as father-daughter.

"Sounds like somebody I know," Dad said with a gentle smile.

That smile was the final straw; Kailim cracked. "Dad, I'm sorry-"

"No, no, no," he hushed her, reaching forward. Kailim fell into the hug, hesitant, but soon burying her face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry, too."

The relationship wasn't fixed; oh no, Kailim had already learned the hard way that rebuilding took hard work. Rather than a set of stitches, this hug was more like a bridge; the rift between father and daughter was still vast, intimidating, and treacherous, but at least now there was a way to cross.

* * *

A colorful flotilla of traveling merchants docked in Pelican Town just in time for the annual Night Market. Thick, hand-spun rugs covered the wood, providing some warmth from the gently falling snow. Spice hung heavy in the air, nearly tangible against the glow of fairy lights strung between dock posts.

Kailim watched the hustle and bustle from a quiet corner with a warm mug in her hands. Having found his own cup of coffee, Dad joined her. They stared together at the bobbing fleet woven around the dock. There wasn’t much of a crowd yet, but they had gotten there early. Kailim watched for Marnie, Shane, or even Jas to appear on the beach.

“I didn’t know Pelican Town had anything like this,” Dad broke the silence, gesturing to the market around them. 

Jodi walked by with Sam, who waved. Kailim nodded but was thankful that they continued down the dock. “Lewis said it was a newer tradition, maybe only a few years before I got here.”

Dad laughed. “So, Lewis is still running around?”

“Sure is. You know him?”

“Kailim, he was mayor when I was your age, and your grandfather bought the farm. Lewis was one of his closest friends.”

This was news to Kailim; she had plenty of memories of Hollyfrost from her childhood but had never imagined anything beyond that. The history, the lineage of the farm - what Kailim knew came from bedtime stories simplified for a child. “Did you spend a lot of time here, then? Or were you in law school at that point?”

“I spent a few summers here before school took off. I bet Lewis is the only familiar face, though.”

“Maybe the Mullners?”

“Evelyn and George?”

“Yeah, and their grandson, Alex. He plays for the Tunnelers.”

“I’ll be damned,” Dad shook his head. “I’ll have to say hello, then.”

The Night Market had grown busy around their little corner. Kailim shifted her hands around her coffee cup, aware of a thick silence despite the laughter and distant music cluttering the cold night air.

“Hollyfrost looks great, Kailim,” Dad said suddenly. When Kailim risked a glance, she found him staring out at the dark ocean. 

“Thanks. You should see it in the spring or summer. Looks a lot more alive.”

“I’d like that.”

Another beat of silence. “You know, I was thinking...I don’t know why Grandpa left me the farm in the first place. I kind of just assumed it was sold in the will. Didn’t you help him write it?”

“Yes, but by then he was in the nursing home and never mentioned the farm. Said it was being cared for by Pelican Town, so I didn’t think twice. As for why he gave it to you...” Dad shrugged at the waves lapping against the dock, “no one else would care for it. He knew that. Your aunts would have sold it - hell, I would have sold it. All that’s not to say I wasn’t surprised when I found out you were on Hollyfrost. Until then, I kind of assumed you were still...”

There it was; the topic they had skirted around all day, washing out their conversation into shadowed tones. Kailim winced but blew out a long, frosted breath.

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Joja made me unemployable after I left.”

“You really ruffled some feathers, huh? Good.”

“Not me, no. But I got caught in the wake, and managed to wash up here.”

Dad shook his head; Kailim felt his eyes on her face. "I don't see anything washed up."

Kailim blinked hard. The words came out forced, quiet, strangled by the memories. "Dad, what they did was horrible. I saw so many things, enabled so many people, all in the name of Joja. And if I'd listened to you in the first place, I wouldn't have ever-"

"You wouldn't have come to Pelican Town, probably," Dad said. He shuffled closer to Kailim. "The farm needed you, and from what I read in that land contract you sent, the town needed you as well. And if you hadn't, then what?

"Let me tell you something, Kailim. You always end up where you're supposed to be, in the exact form you're supposed to be in. If I’m honest, my time at Joja taught me that the hard way. But, really think about it, knowing what you know now. What would have happened if you hadn't come here?"

Quick footsteps clattered down the dock until a bundle of coats and scarves threw itself around Kailim's legs. Kailim laughed, hoisting Jas onto her hip. Color flooded back into the world.

"Jas, this is my Dad," Kailim introduced them as Marnie and Shane appeared through the crowd. "Dad, this is Jas, Shane's goddaughter. And this is Aunt Marnie."

"Your Dad! Oh, I didn't know-" Marnie gave Kailim a look saying, “we’ll talk about this later,” then extended a hand. "It's nice to meet you. You'll be staying for the Feast? You know, you're more than welcome to join our family table. Last year, we had the town Feast at Hollyfrost, and let me tell you..."

Kailim chuckled as Dad was swept into the full hospitality of Marnie. Then, there was the pressure of a steady hand resting at the small of her back, and Kailim looked up, past the layers of Jas' scarf and hat, to where Shane was smiling; it wasn't much, just a lift at the corners of his mouth, but that was all it took for Kailim’s heart to tighten in her chest with the answer to Dad’s question.

That. That smile right there probably wouldn't have happened.

"Dad," Kailim said suddenly. She interrupted Marnie, but Dad seemed thankful. "I don't think I properly introduced Shane."

"Oh," Shane's hand faded from her back, "we met when he got to Hollyfrost."

"But not properly," Kailim said. Shane frowned, confused, but Kailim was determined to make a show of good faith, to take a small step across the vast bridge, and to show Dad the answer to his question. "Shane's my partner, and he works on Hollyfrost. The farm wouldn't be what it is without him." Kailim’s hand threaded into Shane’s with a confident squeeze. Jas giggled.

Shane was painfully aware of the long, piercing look Kailim’s dad gave him. His green eyes seemed to pull back the layers of Kailim’s words, seeing the details that lingered in their held hands, in the child on Kailim’s hip, finally ending with a look at Kailim. The gaze felt so similar to Kailim’s, but with half the warmth.

“Grandpa would be proud of the farm,” her dad finally said with a firm nod. “You two have done a good job.”

Shane sighed in relief.

“Well,” Marnie clapped her hands, reaching for Jas. The child hopped out of Kailim’s arms. “We should get to shopping for the Winter Star.”

“Will we have the Feast at Hollyfrost again, Kailim?” Jas asked.

Kailim sighed. She didn’t want to think about the Feast. “I was hoping we might have it at the Community Center this year, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. It isn’t quite finished.”

“Actually, K,” Shane said, and they all turned to look at him, “I had an idea that I wanted to show you, but we can do it later.”

Kailim squinted at Shane, sizing up the vague meaning behind his words. How the hell... “Well, Dad, we haven’t had a chance to talk about the land contract. If we finish the Community Center, think you can find a way to oust Joja before the Winter Star?”

Dad dusted a speckling of snow off his shoulder, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose in a habit Kailim recognized from her childhood. “Absolutely. I do need to speak to Mayor Lewis about it, however, to make sure all parties are on the same page.”

“Oh, I can take you to him,” Marnie offered. “And we can get our secret-gift-giver assignments while we’re at it.”

“Will you grab mine, Marnie?” Kailim asked. “Dad, if you don’t mind, I might go see if we can tie up the Community Center tonight.”

Dad nodded, a soft smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Go ahead. I know my way back well enough.”

Marnie took Jas’ hand and broke through the crowd, Dad following behind. Kailim watched them go, waiting until they were well and truly alone on the pier. Then, she turned to Shane. “How the hell-”

“Let me show you.”

* * *

Shane and Kailim stood before the final Junimo altar, nestled deep in the basement of the Community Center, at the heart of the old boiler room. The altar asked for one thing, mocking Kailim and Shane with its unobtainable request: a single void essence.

"Shane, I don't even know what void essence is, let alone how we can get any," Kailim said. The admission stung; they had managed to find every other item that the Junimos had asked for; had repaired every room in the Community Center until all that remained were the splintering floorboards and cracked windows in the grand room, and the old decrepit boiler room in the basement. Hoping that a single, mysterious rock would fix all of that seemed ridiculous, but the junimos hadn’t failed them yet.

That didn’t mean Kailim had much faith as she blew into her hands for warmth. Instead of responding, Shane rummaged around in his coat pocket, then took Kailim's hand, pressing something hard and cold into her palm.

"Consider it an early Winter Star present," Shane said as Kailim stared down at the pitch-black, spiky gemstone in her hand. The stone reminded Shane of a black hole, the way it seemed to stuck in all light around it.

Kailim's breath came out in a shaky, forced gasp. "How did you even..."

"The weird guy in the tower south of the ranch," Shane said. "Well, I asked him, and he pointed me to the Adventurer's Guild by the mine, and they had an extra one lying around.

“And Marlon just  _ gave _ it to you?” She asked. Shane just shrugged, hands buried deep in his pockets. Kailim pulled in a deep breath, running a hand over her face. “I’m sorry. What I meant to say was ‘thank you.’ It’s just that...I can’t believe this is it. What if it doesn’t work?”

“Only one way to find out,” Shane said, gesturing her toward the altar.

Kailim hesitated.

This was it; the thing that Kailim had been fighting for, against, and alongside was finally coming to an end, and Kailim had the distinct sensation of light at the end of a very, very long tunnel. The last bits of color were seeping back into her world - through Dad, through the Community Center, and through the light she saw rising in Shane every day. In total, there wasn’t a whole lot of grey left.

The uncertainty of what came next was tangible, but Kailim was more than ready to face it.

Kailim knelt before the altar. A blue junimo popped out from behind the boiler, twig-like arms outstretched for the final offering. Kailim gently placed the void essence on the golden scroll, then looked back at Shane, patting the spot next to her. He joined Kailim on the floor.

A familiar wind began to blow. Junimos skittered out from hiding, surrounding Kailim and Shane. The cold wind turned warm as a shimmering glow rose from the floorboards, forcing Kailim’s face into Shane’s shoulder. They twined their hands together as the wind shifted to a howl, spiraling around the small room.

Then, as quickly as the wind rose, it died down to little more than a whisper along the cobblestone floor. Kailim’s eyes blinked open. The junimos were gone, replaced by a lit boiler, cobweb-free corners, and a brand new door.

In silence, Kailim and Shane climbed the stairs to the main floor. The grand room hummed with the deep vibration of magic Kailim had come to recognize as inherently ‘junimo.’  The peeling wallpaper looked fresh, bright as if it had just been pasted to the wall; the wooden floors were whole, shining; no vines crept through the sturdy windows.

Relief poured over Kailim and Shane as they stood in the fresh community center. Hollyfrost did its part, and the junimos did theirs. Now all that remained was Dad, and Kailim's faith in him grew stronger every minute.

"Come here," Kailim whispered as if speaking too loud would break the shining illusion.

She found Shane in the way they often found one another; in the middle, hand already reaching, fingers settling into place on hips and in hair. The kiss was breathless, chaste, and hungry in the way it lingered as Kailim curled into Shane's arms.

"What's next?" Shane asked, pressing a kiss to Kailim's forehead.

"I was wondering the same thing," Kailim confessed. "I don't know."

"Well, whatever it is..." Shane still felt the words bottle in his throat. He was thankful, grateful, relieved, and, for once, excited. Rather than an uncertain abyss, Shane looked out and saw a future. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Kailim whispered, stealing another kiss. "Now, should we go share the good news?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to write healthy father-daughter relationships. It's hard, don't yell at me. We're almost done.


	44. Headlong

Headlong

The Community Center glowed, inside and out. Twinkling lights hung from the roof, candy canes dotting the path up to the holly wreath at the front door. Inside, pine garlands climbed over the rafters; red and green candles lit the mantle over the roaring fireplace. Feast tables filled the room, crowded with food and people.

And the Feast Tree - oh, there hadn't been a Feast Tree like this in years, Marnie told Kailim as they decorated it the night before. Presents were stacked five layers deep at the base; ribbons and ornaments sparkled from the boughs like ice; Mayor Lewis had even broken out the original town star to place at the pinnacle. 

The brightest thing in the grand hall was the chatter, light and airy as it floated up to the rafters, expanding to fill the whole Community Center with the ebb and flow of gentle conversation. Kailim found herself sitting in the center, awestruck by the community, the warmth, the comfort that surrounded her.

Dad reached across the family table they shared with Marnie, Shane, and Jas, squeezing Kailim's hand. "You did good, Kailim."

She mouthed 'thank you' as the front door opened, letting in a burst of cold air as Mayor Lewis stepped into the hall, Morris at his heels. A hush fell over the room.

"I shouldn't even let you have this party," Morris seethed, shaking a finger in Lewis' face. "This building is by all rights Joja's. You must have it vacated by midnight, or it will be a breach of the contract."

Dad pushed out his chair. "Suppose I should give my secret gift now."

Kailim frowned, watching as Dad found a thin present wrapped in red paper under the Feast Tree, then joined Morris and Lewis by the front door.

"For you," Dad held out the present to Morris, "and I have some corrections to make to your statements."

"And you are?" Morris sneered.

"About to ruin your day," Dad said, then cleared his throat. "To purchase this building, you filed and signed the Joja Land Contract Form A. If you open that," Dad paused, then gestured to the gift, "-open it."

Morris squinted beady, suspicious eyes at Dad, but tore open the wrapping paper. Inside was a stack of papers, bound by a Joja-blue binder clip.

"That is Land Contract Form B, used for the amendment and cancellation of Form A in the case of inconsistencies. See, subsection three-dash-seven-nine clearly states," Dad pulled his glasses out of his pocket, flipping through the papers, "that Form A is only viable in the case of decrepit or otherwise abandoned buildings. This building is neither decrepit nor abandoned."

Morris scoffed. "That's cute. But the contract was signed well before you filed Form B."

"True, however," Dad thumbed further into the stack, "Form A has a waiting period that will end, unless I am mistaken, tomorrow. And until that waiting period ends, Joja does not own the land - Pelican Town does. This waiting period is, of course, to allow time for Form B to be filed, assuming any discrepancies are found. And if Form B is filed, all aspects of Form A are null and void unless a new Form A is drafted and approved before the waiting period of the original contract expires, granted that the seller still wants the land to be sold.

"If you check the date, you'll see that Form B was approved yesterday. So that-" Dad flipped the stack of papers closed, the sound loud in the silent room. He stuffed the stack into Morris' chest. “That is for your records. I hope you have a happy Winter Star and a merry 'fuck you.'"

"You can't!" Morris' face reddened, babbling as he looked between Mayor Lewis and Dad. When Dad returned to their table, Morris leveled an accusing finger at Kailim and Shane. "You! Do you think this will stop Joja? I still have the customers, the profit! This will blow over, and the town will come running back to Joja for-"

"Not this time!" Pierre shouted from the crowd, breaking through to face Morris. Pelican Town rose from their Feast tables, surrounding the two men. Pierre took a long, steadying breath. "Listen up, everyone. Losing the Community Center today could have been catastrophic. I remember when I first moved here...this building was busy, vibrant. George, you used to always do the morning crossword over a coffee in the kitchen, remember?"

"Those were the good 'ol days," Mr. Mullner mumbled.

Pierre turned around. "Emily, you wove that banner for the Stardew Valley Fair! And Willy, remember when that crab experiment of yours got out of hand?" A chuckle rose from the crowd as Willy hid a smirk under the brim of his hat. "But Gus saved the day with a crab leg feast for the entire valley!"

Gus laughed. "I still dream of that garlic butter."

"We used to have a real sense of community, but we lost sight of that when Joja came to town. Thanks to Kailim, we have a second chance. I'm asking that you join me in boycotting Joja! We have the power to preserve our community! Who's with me?"

"Me!" Kailim was the first to speak up. 

"And me," Shane said right after.

Mr. Mullner rolled forward in his wheelchair. "I've lived here too long to see the town go to ruin. Count me in!"

Cries of 'me too' and 'boycott' went up from the crowd, chanting 'no more Joja' as Morris backed towards the door. "I'm done for!" he cried, escaping out into the cold night. Mayor Lewis slammed the door behind him.

"To Kailim!" Pierre shouted, raising his glass in a toast.

"To Kailim!" Everyone agreed.

Kailim blushed, twisting her hand into Shane's. He pressed a kiss to her temple as everyone returned to their feast tables. Mr. Mullner shook Kailim's hand; Jodi and Caroline gave her a hug. Kailim found herself humbled by the gratitude as Shane pulled her from the crowd and took them back to their seats. The feast continued with a new sense of purpose; Pelican Town was celebrating a new year, a revived community, and a fight well-won.

At their Feast Table, Kailim celebrated with her family over pumpkin soup and cranberry candy. They made toasts to Holly Frost and the ranch with homemade sparkling juice. Outside, the snow began falling faster, piling up, and Jas ran out with Vincent to play in the cold. Kailim spotted Alex and Sebastian under the mistletoe and threw Seb a wink when he caught her eye. Robin and Demetrius danced to a tinny holiday carol playing from a record player that Grandma Evelyn had brought.

Lewis appeared next to Marnie, holding out his hand. “A dance?”

Marnie stared at the Mayor, wide-eyed, before glancing at Kailim. Kailim shooed them away, and Marnie followed Lewis to the record player.

“I can’t remember,” Dad started to say, then shook his head until Kailim nudged him with her elbow. “I can’t remember the last time we had a Winter Star like this.”

Kailim reached over and squeezed Dad’s hand. “It’s been a while. I’m glad you’re here now, though.”

“Me too.” Dad smiled. “I’m grateful for the chance to start over.”

“I’m grateful for all the snow outside!” Jas popped up behind Dad, making them all jump. She scrambled into Shane’s lap.

Marnie returned then, Lewis in tow, their hands clasped together. “I’m grateful for taking chances.”

“I’m grateful for this community and everyone in it,” Lewis added.

Kailim’s list was long; she didn’t even know where to begin when it came to what she was grateful for - the men on either side of her, the building surrounding her in holiday colors, or the distinct lack of grey in her peripheral vision. Before Kailim could choose, the record player in the corner found a second wind, louder than before, and Jas pulled Marnie to the dance floor. Lewis followed, and Dad even stood after some imploring from Jas. Most Feast Tables were vacated suddenly in favor of dancing.

A warm hand slid into Kailim’s. “Wanna get some fresh air?” Shane whispered.

They slipped on their winter coats and traded the warm Community Center for the chilly night, wandering into the fenced side yard. A frozen wind stirred the snow flurries into spirals around them. Through a window, they could see Marnie and Lewis attempting a polka; Jas was standing on Dad’s shoes as they danced together. A warm glow cut across the snow, ending where Kailim and Shane’s boots made indents in the powder. Music filtered into the quiet evening.

At a distance, their success was easier to quantify, to digest and bask in. Kailim smiled. “What are you grateful for?” she asked, resting her head on Shane’s shoulder as their hands wound together in his jacket pocket.

Shane was quiet, contemplative. His thumb drew circles over Kailim’s knuckles. “Them,” he nodded through the window to Marnie and Jas; to his family. His throat tightened. “And you.”

Kailim pressed a kiss to Shane’s shoulder. He found both of Kailim’s hands, twisting their fingers together. Snow clung to her hair, flakes shimmering in the golden light. Shane gazed into the green eyes that he used to avoid, laying himself before Kailim like an open book.

If there was ever a time for all those words he could never say, this was it.

“I’m grateful that you gave me a chance when I had given up. Because of you, I had the strength to pull myself out of that abyss. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if-” Shane’s voice caught, and he had to look away. Kailim brushed snow from his hair, patient as ever while he composed himself. “I’m grateful that you stayed when I had given you every reason not to. I’m grateful for every late night, long day, and exhausting job because it...it made us. And I know I’ll never be able to say ‘thank-you’ enough, or in the right way, but, I mean it. Every time. Thank you.”

Shane hadn’t done even half of his emotion justice, but his hands still shook as he waited, patiently, open and honest in the snow.

Kailim sniffed, brushing a hand roughly over her eyes. Her throat was raw, sore. She kissed Shane’s hands where they held hers as she searched for her voice.

“I am grateful for the privilege to heal alongside you,” Kailim finally whispered. “You set an example that I was able to follow. I am grateful for everything you have done for Holly Frost, and I am so, so grateful that you are here, in front of me, exactly as you are. I wouldn’t change a damn thing, Shane. I love you.”

Kailim buried herself in Shane’s embrace, holding on tight as the snow continued to fall until a thin layer of powder covered their jackets. Then, in cold puffs of heated air, their lips met, slow, languid, greedy in the momentary respite they had found.

“I love you too,” Shane whispered against Kailim’s lips when they broke away for air. In the distance, he heard the front door to the Community Center creak open. “Happy Winter Star.”

Kailim giggled, stretching for another kiss. “Same to you, Shane Michael.”

A snowball exploded against Kailim’s jacket, jolting her forward. Shane stumbled, and his body broke their fall as they suddenly careened into the snowdrift behind them.

“Run!” A voice shouted as Kailim broke free from the snowdrift, her chest heaving in laughter. Next to her, Shane’s arm emerged, and she reached over to brush the remaining snow away as he sat up.

The front yard of the Community Center exploded into chaos. Pelican Town poured into the night, snowballs flying in a free for all. Kailim ducked another projectile, this time thrown by Alex.

“Okay, that’s it!” She yelled. Kailim hopped out of the snowdrift, then turned, offering a hand down to Shane. “Shall we?”

And Shane sat there, breathless not from the fall, but from Kailim’s red cheeks and wild hair; breathless from the way the window light smattered gold flecks into her green eyes, making them sparkle as she laughed, dodging a third snowball; breathless from the fact that he was  _ able _ to reach out and find, without a doubt, Kailim's hand waiting to pull him up.

It was with confidence that Shane took her hand, shook off the last bits of snow, and ran headlong into the chaos with Kailim at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done :)
> 
> I have a few one-shots planned that I'll attach to this in a series, so Shane and Kailim aren't quite done yet. 
> 
> If you've read this far, thank you. Thanks for sticking in there until the end. I appreciate it. Let me know what you think, and I hope to see you in the future adventures of Holly Frost farm!
> 
> Also: I listened to 'stardew valley and chill' by Laura Calisto on Spotify if you're looking for some hardcore vibes. 'betterman' by Virginia to Vegas is literally Shane. So.


End file.
